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Old 02-03-2012, 06:34 PM
 
94 posts, read 310,103 times
Reputation: 69

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So here's the deal, I honestly cannot tell if I am being friendzoned here or if a coworker is actually interested in me. So I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Basically, right now we are very good friends, and are constantly chatting via IMs or sometimes we'll even leave our desks to go do work in one of the conference rooms together. It's gotten to the point now, however, that OTHER people in the office are starting to make subtle (and some not so subtle) remarks about her and I. This is something I've noticed but haven't really brought it up with her. This morning, apparently someone made a comment about it to her, and she brought it up with me, but again, I couldn't get a read on if she had a double meaning behind it. This also lead to her saying, "I can't believe more people here don't hook up." I of course said that it could be dangerous, and some places that could get you fired. She immediately then went to look up to see if our office had a policy regarding it (they didnt). Then we decided to go out to lunch together, which we've never done alone.

So now I am completely confused on how to handle this. Truth is, I really dig her and would love to date her, but we have a real good thing going right now and I'd hate to ruin that or make it awkward. I was thinking one way to possible approach this is by just asking her if she's noticed people making comments about it, and kind of go from there.

I know everyone is going to say "dont stick your pen in the company ink, don't crap where you eat," and I really would love to stick to that rule... but if there's a chance she's interested then I feel I have to take it.

Thoughts? Advice?
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Old 02-03-2012, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,365 posts, read 16,567,886 times
Reputation: 18243
Ask her to join you for lunch again and take it from there. If you enjoy one another's company see if she would interested in seeing you in the evening sometime. Ask if she would like to do something that doesn't have any romantic overtones. Shoot some pool, go bowling, or maybe catch a concert or sporting event. The only way to know if she is interested in you without directing asking is to spend more time together.
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Old 02-03-2012, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,126 posts, read 1,610,658 times
Reputation: 1325
if there is no company policy and you can seperate your dating relationship from your work relationship i would say why not - by that i mean you should probably cool your jets a bit at work once you start dating - never ever bring your dating relationship into work especially if you have had an arguement - what then happens is coworkers start taking sides - so if you think you can put a little distance between you at the office especially eating lunch alone together and keep what happens on your dates on your dates there should be no problem i would think -
fyi i met my ex at work
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Old 02-03-2012, 07:13 PM
 
1,350 posts, read 2,201,269 times
Reputation: 1790
if neither one of you supervises the other, or has any influence over the other's career progression, then i doubt your company will care. that said, it's still usually a gamble getting involved with someone at work, just because of office politics. besides, do you really wanna see her ALL the time, at work and then after work as well? you'll get on each other's nerves!

anyway, if you absolutely must risk it, i'd say get her number and send her a friendly text over the weekend. ask what she's upto and if she wants to grab a drink with you. i'd pick sunday evening - heck, you can watch the superbowl together! saturday night is date/getting laid night, and you don't wanna give her the impression right off the bat that the rendezvous will be in the context of a date.

good luck.
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 1,962,141 times
Reputation: 1517
My husband and I met while working at the same company, so it can be done. If you two decide to move forward with a relationship it has to be made very clear that the personal relationship will not interfere with the working relationship. If the two get covoluted that could be a disaster.
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Old 02-03-2012, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
8,598 posts, read 15,180,428 times
Reputation: 11977
If you get involved in a relationship, chances are good that the relationship will end at some point (simply because most do), and THAT'S when the real problems arise. It can get very messy very quickly.

I'm not saying don't do it, but be aware that the chances of a very bad ending are very good.
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:02 PM
 
11,570 posts, read 12,876,397 times
Reputation: 18652
I say go for it, just be aware of the consequences if one of you can't handle the ups and downs of a relationship. How well do you know her?

I got involved with a coworker a couple of years ago and he is now one of my closest friends. We never had drama in the office and we never let it get in the way of our work. People whispered, but that was part of the fun of it for us...we never disclosed it to others in the office.
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Country of BIGOTS and HATERS
19,091 posts, read 20,509,719 times
Reputation: 7255
Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
If you get involved in a relationship, chances are good that the relationship will end at some point (simply because most do), and THAT'S when the real problems arise. It can get very messy very quickly.

I'm not saying don't do it, but be aware that the chances of a very bad ending are very good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
I say go for it, just be aware of the consequences if one of you can't handle the ups and downs of a relationship. How well do you know her?

I got involved with a coworker a couple of years ago and he is now one of my closest friends. We never had drama in the office and we never let it get in the way of our work. People whispered, but that was part of the fun of it for us...we never disclosed it to others in the office.
What they said. I had dated a co worker and as long as we were together, everything was very good at work. Once it ended (doesn't matter why) things at work get a bit weird when you both are still in the same building.
That's a chance you have to be willing to live with--if it works out there are no worries...
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Old 02-03-2012, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Pawnee Nation
7,528 posts, read 13,903,539 times
Reputation: 6964
In one of the conversations (NOT IM's....those things never go away) ask her up front if she is interested. If she says yes, one of you start looking for another job.......I don't know about dipping into the company ink, not sure who is the company ink. But I do know you should not get your meat where you get your bread............
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Old 02-03-2012, 10:25 PM
 
351 posts, read 425,277 times
Reputation: 594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Preditor74 View Post
So now I am completely confused on how to handle this. Truth is, I really dig her and would love to date her, but we have a real good thing going right now and I'd hate to ruin that or make it awkward. I was thinking one way to possible approach this is by just asking her if she's noticed people making comments about it, and kind of go from there.
I've dated coworkers. Sometimes it ends well, sometimes it doesn't. Such is life.

You've been to lunch. Invite her out to your favorite bar for a drink.
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