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Old 02-04-2012, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,400 posts, read 14,754,410 times
Reputation: 35325

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Hello, I was talking with my favorite niece and her good friend, who are both 23 years old. Part of the problem is now that they are out of college and working they meet very few men who are avaliable ( not already in steady relationships, not gay, not thirty years older than them, etc). Both women say that the real problem is when they are asked on dates it is usually just one date and the man never calls again. Mary and Bridget are both smart, active in political and/or current event groups (but not fanatics), attractive, dress well, good conversationalists, etc. and they don't seem "braggy" just fun-loving nice girls. They have asked their close friends (who mostly are in LTR or married) for suggestions or to see if maybe they were doing something wrong on dates. And their friends were puzzled, too & didn't have any ideas for them. So they asked me. From what they tell me the dates seem to go fine. The guys just never call back. Sometimes Mary or Bridget wait a week and then call the guy themselves (if they especially enjoyed being with that guy), but it still doesn't result in a second date.

When I was younger (unless the first date was absolute hell) you always went on a couple more dates---to truly see if you liked and got along with the person. Maybe that isn't the case any more. Is it sink or swim? If it's not a "perfect" first date with instant strong attraction the guy gives up and asks out someone else? In college more dates were "group dates" but this pattern has gone on when they have had one on one dates in college and beyond.

Any ideas or suggestions that I can pass on to my niece? Thanks
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,416 posts, read 24,531,929 times
Reputation: 16424
If one is in Michigan I'll take her out

In reality, there's not really any meaningful advice that we could give to your question besides find a guy who is actually looking for a relationship
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:13 AM
 
297 posts, read 611,920 times
Reputation: 304
Tell them to try not being so intelligent (as an experiment).

Let the guy be the smartest.
If playing any games, be sure to let the guy win.
Let the guy make the decisions.

Also do all these guys want to fool around and they are saying no?
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
22,280 posts, read 30,912,445 times
Reputation: 28986
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
If one is in Michigan I'll take her out

In reality, there's not really any meaningful advice that we could give to your question besides find a guy who is actually looking for a relationship
If in Kentucky, I'll be happy to give em a couple of dates as a 23 yr old myself.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
15,400 posts, read 14,754,410 times
Reputation: 35325
I know that it is hard for my niece to downplay how smart she is but she tries to do it. Also, a few of the guys are probably smarter than her (doctors, lawyers, etc). She dates men from all different professions.

Sex is not a topic that I would feel comfortable talking about to my niece and her friend. I'm pretty sure that they aren't virgins (they have implied to me that a healthy sex life is quite important in a LTR) but I would think that it was unlikely that they would "put out on the first date". But sex expectations may have changed since I was in dating.

To other young women, do you have problems with first dates being the last date? Any ideas why?

P.S. Michigan & Kentucky are both a couple of states away, sorry.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:32 AM
 
Location: USA
1,799 posts, read 2,071,843 times
Reputation: 4024
I'm older than your nieces and it's been the same for me...lot of first dates, no second. I dont know why. I chew my food with my mouth closed and do not belch
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:34 AM
 
1,096 posts, read 3,914,876 times
Reputation: 1087
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Hello, I was talking with my favorite niece and her good friend, who are both 23 years old. Part of the problem is now that they are out of college and working they meet very few men who are avaliable ( not already in steady relationships, not gay, not thirty years older than them, etc). Both women say that the real problem is when they are asked on dates it is usually just one date and the man never calls again. Mary and Bridget are both smart, active in political and/or current event groups (but not fanatics), attractive, dress well, good conversationalists, etc. and they don't seem "braggy" just fun-loving nice girls. They have asked their close friends (who mostly are in LTR or married) for suggestions or to see if maybe they were doing something wrong on dates. And their friends were puzzled, too & didn't have any ideas for them. So they asked me. From what they tell me the dates seem to go fine. The guys just never call back. Sometimes Mary or Bridget wait a week and then call the guy themselves (if they especially enjoyed being with that guy), but it still doesn't result in a second date.

When I was younger (unless the first date was absolute hell) you always went on a couple more dates---to truly see if you liked and got along with the person. Maybe that isn't the case any more. Is it sink or swim? If it's not a "perfect" first date with instant strong attraction the guy gives up and asks out someone else? In college more dates were "group dates" but this pattern has gone on when they have had one on one dates in college and beyond.

Any ideas or suggestions that I can pass on to my niece? Thanks
You don't really give us much to go on. Where are they meeting their dates online or through friends?

What types of dates are they going on? What activities are they doing? Are these blind dates or have they exchanged pictures before going out? Are they attractive?

Could be anything from a guy just looking to get laid and doesn't think it's gonna be easy so doesn't put any more effort into seeing them, could be just not compatible people.

You mention politically active. I see some women post that they are liberal or this or that on dating sites, craigslist, etc and it turns me off. The fact that someone feels the need to put out there there political leanings right off the bat means they have pretty strong opinions and feelings are probably dead set on finding someone else with the same mindset, often tend to be feminists which I can't stand personally. I'm all for strong women, opinionated women but don't care for the type of women who calls her husband a partner, who doesn't want to change her last name, who doesn't want her bf to ask her father for her permission to marry even though it's a nice thoughtful tradition because "shes not owned by any man" etc.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:35 AM
 
Location: southern california
53,985 posts, read 70,790,527 times
Reputation: 45788
same problem as me at that age, a bit uptight. trying too hard. suggestion stop dating. instead sign up for self improvement classes u will meet wonderful people worthy of your time and affections.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:44 AM
 
2,151 posts, read 2,549,671 times
Reputation: 1681
where are u girls going to meet guys, if its bars and clubs thats ur problem, the ones u find there are only trying to get laid and if u give in to them they'll drop you in a second. Find guys in every day life or other activities and go that route. I think the problem with girls in that age range is they are looking for love in the wrong places. As to why ur not getting anywhere past the 1st date? Maybe the guy is dating multiple women and is simply picking the best one or the one that will be the easiest.
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Old 02-04-2012, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Northern VA (for now)
22,280 posts, read 30,912,445 times
Reputation: 28986
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I know that it is hard for my niece to downplay how smart she is but she tries to do it. Also, a few of the guys are probably smarter than her (doctors, lawyers, etc). She dates men from all different professions.

Sex is not a topic that I would feel comfortable talking about to my niece and her friend. I'm pretty sure that they aren't virgins (they have implied to me that a healthy sex life is quite important in a LTR) but I would think that it was unlikely that they would "put out on the first date". But sex expectations may have changed since I was in dating.

To other young women, do you have problems with first dates being the last date? Any ideas why?

P.S. Michigan & Kentucky are both a couple of states away, sorry.
Oh Poo .

Seriously, i don't think there is anything inherently wrong with nieces just think their dates ain't interested in a relationship or think they are compatible. Nothing wrong with the dates it just happens.
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