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View Poll Results: Women: What if a man wanted to test all of his children at birth for paternity as a general policy?
Yes 16 36.36%
No 23 52.27%
Other (explain) 5 11.36%
Voters: 44. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-09-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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Let's say a man wants to test all of his children for paternity at birth. Also, let's say he informs you of this in the beginning, during your dating or friendship stage of the relationship. He does this a general policy, a piece of mind sort of thing. He's heard and read the stories of men raising other kids for years without knowing and just wants to ensure that never happens to him since he plans to be a very emotionally invested father. It has nothing to do with an assumption that any specific woman will cheat on him. He sees it as no different than a woman wanting a marriage license for piece of mind in a long term relationship.

Would you agree with his plans? Why or why not?

 
Old 02-09-2012, 08:46 AM
 
406 posts, read 348,365 times
Reputation: 505
heck, sometimes both parents should have had a DNA test before leaving the hospital with the wrong baby....

I like how you worded this .... that it was discussed early on in the relationship, not something he is accusing at the time, but just something that he's thought about for a long while to give him peace of mind.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,844 posts, read 54,195,655 times
Reputation: 22787
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
Let's say a man wants to test all of his children for paternity at birth. Also, let's say he informs you of this in the beginning, during your dating or friendship stage of the relationship. He does this a general policy, a piece of mind sort of thing. He's heard and read the stories of men raising other kids for years without knowing and just wants to ensure that never happens to him since he plans to be a very emotionally invested father. It has nothing to do with an assumption that any specific woman will cheat on him. He sees it as no different than a woman wanting a marriage license for piece of mind in a long term relationship.

Would you agree with his plans? Why or why not?
If he discusses it very early on, it's fine. That'll be the end of the short line. I will not marry such a person.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 15,084,075 times
Reputation: 19396
Absolutely not. Unless you have cause to seriously doubt your Wife a Paternity test is a sign you do not trust her and I would personally find it incredibly insulting. You are in essence tarnishing a woman's reputation by trying to "prove" she has not strayed when there is no indication whatsover that she has.

If this is the kind of relationship we have then my Husband can just close the door on our marriage on his way out.

It would be like a woman following her husband, searching his belongings reading his emails etc... as a matter of course every time he goes out to ensure he is not cheating.

Love and relationships without trust are nothing IMO.

I would be beyond upset and would find it incredibly demeaning and churlish. Not the kind of man I would want anywhere near my children anyway, inculcating a sense of paranoia and suspicion into them. There is always going to be an element of " leap of faith" with ALL relationships.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:18 AM
 
2,096 posts, read 845,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
Absolutely not. Unless you have cause to seriously doubt your Wife a Paternity test is a sign you do not trust her and I would personally find it incredibly insulting. You are in essence tarnishing a woman's reputation by trying to "prove" she has not strayed when there is no indication whatsover that she has.

If this is the kind of relationship we have then my Husband can just close the door on our marriage on his way out.

It would be like a woman following her husband, searching his belongings reading his emails etc... as a matter of course every time he goes out to ensure he is not cheating.

Love and relationships without trust are nothing IMO.

I would be beyond upset and would find it incredibly demeaning and churlish.
I understand your point, but I clearly outlined this in the OP as a general policy, a just in case, peace of mind and had nothing to do with whether or not a specific woman has cheated on him. How could it be about her cheating if he already came to this decision long before they even knew each other?

It's no different than a woman wanting a marriage license instead of simply getting married in a church without the license or remaining in a long term relationship indefinitely.

Another example is a successful man wanting a prenup before marriage even though he doesn't think she would ever leave him or take his money.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 15,084,075 times
Reputation: 19396
Quote:
Originally Posted by Freedom123 View Post
I understand your point, but I clearly outlined this in the OP as a general policy, a just in case, peace of mind and had nothing to do with whether or not a specific woman has cheated on him. How could it be about her cheating if he already came to this decision long before they even knew each other?

It's no different than a woman wanting a marriage license instead of simply getting married in a church without the license or remaining in a long term relationship indefinitely.

Another example is a successful man wanting a prenup before marriage even though he doesn't think she would ever leave him or take his money.

I wouldn't go for a prenup either ( I would never marry a man who was already thinking about our relationship failing and was so bothered about his money that he was willing to basically assume a default position of "if/when...") , and I don't understand women who need a marriage certificate to feel fulfilled.

A "general policy" does not cut it quite frankly. A relationship is not a bureaucratic exercise . Why would any man have such a "general policy" unless he wanted to ensure his partner/spouse had not cheated on him. It makes no sense whatsoever.


A Paternity test only has one purpose and that is to ensure that a child is yours genetically speaking , ie : that the mother has not been putting it about and become impregnated by another guy. It is about Ego as much as anything else. And shows a complete disregard for the feelings of the woman. Any woman worth her salt would be slighted IMO unless she had given due cause to be doubted.


To me only a loser would have such an approach and I don't have any need for losers in my life.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,425,695 times
Reputation: 2082
I think there are some moving parts here. I would never marry someone who required that.
If you are a man who fathers a child outside of wedlock, then you were irresponsible to begin with, There are consequences. Maybe it was yours, maybe not.
If you father a child within a marriage, you better assume it's yours and raise it as such.
In the end, it's about responsibility.

Children born within or without need to be cared for by those responsible. If you are already married and discover the child is not biologically yours, I would say you are still that child's "dad."
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Gone
1,011 posts, read 574,064 times
Reputation: 3565
I am a virgin. Kids father is either a god or him
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:54 AM
 
736 posts, read 886,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
It would be like a woman following her husband, searching his belongings reading his emails etc... as a matter of course every time he goes out to ensure he is not cheating.
I don't think so. If a woman followers her man around and finds out he's cheating, then they can just split, easy. If a woman gets pregnant by some other dude and makes the boyfriend/husband believe that it's his, he's signed up for 18+ years of support based on faulty premise, a role thats very difficult to get rid of even after obtaining paternity.
 
Old 02-09-2012, 09:58 AM
 
2,096 posts, read 845,945 times
Reputation: 979
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
I wouldn't go for a prenup either ( I would never marry a man who was already thinking about our relationship failing and was so bothered about his money that he was willing to basically assume a default position of "if/when...") , and I don't understand women who need a marriage certificate to feel fulfilled.
At least you're intellectually consistent. Most people are hypocritical and would support one side while denying the other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
A "general policy" does not cut it quite frankly. A relationship is not a bureaucratic exercise . Why would any man have such a "general policy" unless he wanted to ensure his partner/spouse had not cheated on him. It makes no sense whatsoever.
Maybe your relationships aren't bureaucratic exercises, but many people have certain standards required to make them feel comfortable in a long term emotional investment (example: marriage licenses and prenups), many of which don't make sense to other people like me. Yet, I'm still tolerant of their standards.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
A Paternity test only has one purpose and that is to ensure that a child is yours genetically speaking , ie : that the mother has not been putting it about and become impregnated by another guy. It is about Ego as much as anything else. And shows a complete disregard for the feelings of the woman. Any woman worth her salt would be slighted IMO unless she had given due cause to be doubted.
It's not about ego, it's about avoiding any possibility of devastating pain once the truth is discovered. Men who hear and read stories of guys being tricked for all of these years relate to the devastation and wasted emotions. Also, reading about courts requiring men to continue support for children who aren't theirs makes a person think twice.

I don't expect you to understand, as a woman you can't be in this predicament. Maybe to relate, imagine the emotional devastation if you were married for 10 years and your husband had another family the entire time. Or, imagine how you'd feel if a hospital switched your baby at birth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
To me only a loser would have such an approach and I don't have any need for losers in my life.
There's no need for shaming language in a debate. Why not simply disagree without attacking character and resorting to insults?
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