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If anyone is interested, she gave me my list of "things to accomplish" while she's gone.
1. Get a traditional job. Not for the money, but so that I'm too worn out to bother her all the time.
2. Get more friends. Same reasoning.
3. Agree that she picks the next place we live.
If I accomplish those 3 things, she'll agree to live with me.
It sounds more like she doesn't want to spend time with you if these are her demands and reasoning. Her list is ways to keep you busy so she can avoid you.
Unless maybe you don't have a social life outside of her and smother her? Do you do anything outside of wanting to be with her all the time? All couples need times away from each other to be with friends and relatives on occasion.
If anyone is interested, she gave me my list of "things to accomplish" while she's gone.
1. Get a traditional job. Not for the money, but so that I'm too worn out to bother her all the time.
2. Get more friends. Same reasoning.
3. Agree that she picks the next place we live.
If I accomplish those 3 things, she'll agree to live with me.
Here's the thing...even in a best case scenario - (that everything she says is true and she really wants to stay married to you) - she's got so much hostility toward you at this point that there's no way you just changing a few things is going to save this marriage. It would take professional help to do that.
She's lost respect for you honey, and once a woman loses respect for her man, she can hardly stand to be in the same room with him.
I'm sorry, but I think all these things she wants you to do are so that when you don't do them, (or don't do them to her satisfaction) she can claim it's all your fault that your marriage fell apart and walk away without looking like the bad guy or having to feel badly either.
If anyone is interested, she gave me my list of "things to accomplish" while she's gone.
1. Get a traditional job. Not for the money, but so that I'm too worn out to bother her all the time.
2. Get more friends. Same reasoning.
3. Agree that she picks the next place we live.
If I accomplish those 3 things, she'll agree to live with me.
From this list, to me, it sounds like she is willing to be married and living together "in name only," in a place solely of HER choosing, but you both will have your separate lives, and she wants to make sure of that with you working and away from the home a lot and spending time with your friends and away from the home a lot. From your posts, I gather that is not what you want in your marriage.Be careful, and remember, we are on your side and hope for the best outcome for you!
Even if you meet these lists, you are going to end up with more lists of unreasonable demands from her.
How did the car buying workout?
I almost think you are trolling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MountainMen
Well then, you guys don't even want to know what I have in store for her today. Let's just say it involves buying a new car (with removable top), an Indian silk scarf for those windy drives, cooking her favorite meal served with candles and roses, a long massage, and fresh homemade chocolates.
Well, I don't feel good about it. I want to do whatever is in my power to save the marriage, because I love her. I'm also not sure what I'm going to do without her, I imagine the same as I do now. But at the same time, I see her demands as unloving, unreasonable, and she's moving out anyway, even before seeing if I can do these demands.
Everybody keeps telling me to see a lawyer. What can a lawyer do? I don't want a divorce. Our money is separate (we each have our own accounts). We have no kids. We (now it's just me) live in a rental, so there's no shared property of any significance.
Well, I don't feel good about it. I want to do whatever is in my power to save the marriage, because I love her. I'm also not sure what I'm going to do without her, I imagine the same as I do now. But at the same time, I see her demands as unloving, unreasonable, and she's moving out anyway, even before seeing if I can do these demands.
Everybody keeps telling me to see a lawyer. What can a lawyer do? I don't want a divorce. Our money is separate (we each have our own accounts). We have no kids. We (now it's just me) live in a rental, so there's no shared property of any significance.
Well, that does make a difference - no kids, no property and separate money, so at least that's some good news.
I know you don't WANT a divorce, but you need to face the fact that she likely does. And if that's true, what you want won't matter. I'm so sorry
If you could just get her to some marriage counseling there might be a chance.
Either way, you've got a lot to deal with - a whole new reality for one thing.
I'm sure your head is swimming and your heart is drowning.
So save yourself from some prolonged grief and spend some time with a therapist all on your own.
You can't take any shortcuts through this hurtful process, but you can keep it from going on one day longer than necessary.
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