Wife wants me to go on vacation by myself (guys, attracted, kid)
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"She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul."
Sorry i'm all for fighting to stay together, but not when these types of things are said. This is a woman who has checked out and has already moved on. Counselling, time is NOT going to fix this issue, she isnt in love, she may not love you in any shape or form at this point. I think the time to save this would have been in the past, probably there were signs of trouble that you either didnt realize or acknowledge, trust me, she didnt wake up last week Friday and say 'this man gives me a black hole in my soul, i'm done'. If you were always like this, then perhaps she changed and wants more, needs more..I dunno.
"She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul."
Sorry i'm all for fighting to stay together, but not when these types of things are said. This is a woman who has checked out and has already moved on. Counselling, time is NOT going to fix this issue, she isnt in love, she may not love you in any shape or form at this point. I think the time to save this would have been in the past, probably there were signs of trouble that you either didnt realize or acknowledge, trust me, she didnt wake up last week Friday and say 'this man gives me a black hole in my soul, i'm done'. If you were always like this, then perhaps she changed and wants more, needs more..I dunno.
Sorry Mountain man
FYI, everyone - don't confuse OP with mountainman or other silimar names. OP is MountainMen; not the same person.
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"She says I'm like "food with no nutrients." She says we have nothing in common. She says other people represent "life" and I represent "death." She says I give her a bottomless black hole in her soul."
Sorry i'm all for fighting to stay together, but not when these types of things are said. This is a woman who has checked out and has already moved on. Counselling, time is NOT going to fix this issue, she isnt in love, she may not love you in any shape or form at this point. I think the time to save this would have been in the past, probably there were signs of trouble that you either didnt realize or acknowledge, trust me, she didnt wake up last week Friday and say 'this man gives me a black hole in my soul, i'm done'. If you were always like this, then perhaps she changed and wants more, needs more..I dunno.
Sorry Mountain man
I got a different take from what I've read.
I think his wife is beyond frustrated with him.
Saying these things to him is her last ditch attempt to get him motivated.
She probably figures why not lay it all out on the line since we are self destructing anyway.
He admits in his other thread that he has quit being the person she married, quit making all efforts to be involved in her life.
I imagine she feels a little duped and played.
Since he's the one who sold her a bill of goods and then reverted back to his introverted nature, I can understand her being upset.
She doesn't want my money because she has more than enough of her own. She doesn't have access to change the lock on our apartment. But here's what she may do. She may clear herself out of our place, and she may cheat on me (physically). I don't get the feeling that she's going to do those things, but it IS a possibility.
Do NOT underestimate what someone in emotional pain will do - and just because she has her own money doesn't mean she won't want yours as well. Don't get confused.
As far as you having a feeling about what she will or won't do? Feelings don't count anymore either....had a spouse who wasn't as cruel, but I just "knew" there would be no cheating or cleaning out. I can make that very long story very short: I was wrong.
Saying these things to him is her last ditch attempt to get him motivated.
She probably figures why not lay it all out on the line since we are self destructing anyway.
He admits in his other thread that he has quit being the person she married, quit making all efforts to be involved in her life.
I imagine she feels a little duped and played.
Since he's the one who sold her a bill of goods and then reverted back to his introverted nature, I can understand her being upset.
I dunno LM, this seems beyond frustration to me, and he probably HAS stopped being the person he was, I just think she has dealt with it for too long and its the point of no return. I feel this is a cautionary tale for men/women who think that trying to impress in the dating phase or as I call it putting on a 'date face' and either not being your true self in hopes of attracting a mate, or stop making an effort or the same effort to KEEP your mate, you could end up here in this situation. You cannot take your partner for granted without dire consequences IMO. I feel in someways he assumed that because he was married it was ok to show his 'true' self, and stop trying, as you can see it doesnt work.
She won't go to counseling because she thinks the psychologist will say she's in the wrong. She's suggested I go to counseling by myself, though.
At the risk of jumping to conclusions, which is easy to do in the Relationship forum and which I usually try not to do... it sounds like it's over. If she won't work with you as a couple and will not acknowledge her own culpability for the state of your relationship, there's a very good chance she has already disinvested herself emotionally to the point where there's no going back. It's time for you two to cut to the chase and have a very frank discussion about your future together -- or as the case may be, your future apart.
I think it's already past that point. Reading this thread and the other, I would say his wife is already heavily involved in an emotional affair that is about to go physical, or already has. No amount of working 'with' her is going change that, not if he wants to save his marriage.
He needs to find proof ASAP that he can confront her with, texts, phone calls, emails. I'd bet my last dollar there is proof to be found of at least an emotional affair.
I feel really bad for the OP, and yes, maybe he didn't really listen to what she was saying, but his wife had other options rather than starting an affair. THAT is not his fault, that was her choice.
He needs to get proof and then start damage control.
This is EXACTLY the advice I gave in the other thread! The wife is reading from the well-worn script of the unfaithful spouse, and he needs to get to the truth if he has any chance of saving this marriage.
She may clear herself out of our place, and she may cheat on me (physically). I don't get the feeling that she's going to do those things, but it IS a possibility.
In your other thread you mentioned your wife threatened to have an affair with her coworker. I'm sorry, but I would take her word for it.
I am betting that the OP's wife is ready to engage in an "exit affair" (if she is not already). She is so desperate for him to pay attention, to change, to see her anew. She is not even trying to hide it, and giving every signal.
This is his last chance. She wants him to wake up and react. If he doesn't, this marriage is doomed.
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