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I stepped away from this thread for a few days, and I haven't read all of the posts that have made in the interim, but I have noticed that there has been some discussion recently that, in addition to paying for a first date, there are other socially expected behaviors for men in the dating scene like opening doors, etc. So at the risk of being redundant, I ask, could some of you tell me what are the socially expected behaviors for women when they are dating?
I apologize if this question has been asked and answered.
I stepped away from this thread for a few days, and I haven't read all of the posts that have made in the interim, but I have noticed that there has been some discussion recently that, in addition to paying for a first date, there are other socially expected behaviors for men in the dating scene like opening doors, etc. So at the risk of being redundant, I ask, could some of you tell me what are the socially expected behaviors for women when they are dating?
I apologize if this question has been asked and answered.
I wouldn't invite people to a dinner party at my house and expect them to bring their own food.
I don’t arrive a house empty-handed, I just see it as good manners. A girl is cooking something for me? Cool, I’ll arrive with a cake I baked, a bottle of wine, the movies, etc. I’ll appreciate her cooking a dinner for me and I also show my appreciation by not just arriving empty handed. I don’t “try†to bring something, I DO IT.
When dating, same thing. A girl tells me about this good restaurant she wants me to try, for example, time to pay and she quickly picks the tab, I give her my part but she refuses, well, after that we go to an activity and I take care of it and so on, you get the idea. But the whole date involves us participating in all aspects not just one person.
You answered a question by asking a question? The poster asked a simple question. All of you announcing the socially expected behavior of men when dating, why not tell us what's expected of women when dating?
You answered a question by asking a question? The poster asked a simple question. All of you announcing the socially expected behavior of men when dating, why not tell us what's expected of women when dating?
I'm not sure what the problem is here. Women are explaining what behavior they are attracted to on a date - why is wrong to ask the men what they look for on a date? I mean - most of the women here are dating men and sharing what they like and don't like on a date. Isn't it for the men to share what they like and don't like from a woman on a date?
Personally, the only true expectations I ever had on dates was that we had a good time. I wanted someone I felt comfortable with and could laugh with. Money was never a consideration. However, if he is generous - that's a plus. If he opens a door for me - that's a plus. If he compliments me - that's a plus. But if we don't connect, if we don't feel comfortable with each other - all those pluses don't really matter. Is it really any different for guys? Aren't you looking for someone you connect with and feel comfortable with? If she offers to pay - that's a plus, right? If she looks like she put a lot into looking good for you - that's a plus, right? If she listens attentively instead of talking the whole time - that's a plus, right?
Are you against men opening the door and pulling out chairs also?
We've always been physically fit enough to do that.
Nothing wrong with opening a door for a lady. I enjoy it as much as a lady opening it for me. Common mutual courtesy. The thing that may confuse some is why women want men to do it when they are totally capable of doing that for themselves? It’s like men expecting their date to go to his place to do the dishes because “I feel special to see my girl do her lady job and do a couple of house chores for me” when those guys are totally capable of doing the dishes for themselves.
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Originally Posted by MariaKintobor
Sure we women take for granted the notion that all men should behave like gentlemen or else they are scum but do we ever stop to think that we need to keep up our own personal standards if we want that treatment? Of course not.
Wow!
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Most women tend to think that a man should pay for the first date to show his interest in providing for her as well as it being the polite thing to do since you don't ask someone out on a date and expect them to pay for you.
Women commonly say that a man paying for her expenses shows he will be a good provider, take care of them when they get married, and so on. So this is something that should be tested while dating. How can men be sure they are dating a good woman? By just having her accept to get taken care of?
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
You obviously to prefer to date people who do not offer to pay for you - and that's totally fine. I always offer to pay - and have no problem going dutch on a first date - but I do think there is something nice and generous about a man paying for the first date.
Some men find it nice and generous for a woman to pay for his expenses too.
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You know- in some subconscious way it might have something to do with a man being a good provider. I don't mean it in the sugar daddy way - but I think there is probably some innate programming in women that makes them look for someone who can provide for the family
I wonder if there is an activity out there, when it comes to dating, where a man can go “Oh, she can keep a house clean” or something.
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Actually, my husband is a gentleman - as were almost all of the men that I dated. I don't think they are gone - they just don't frequent the forums that often!
The girls I go out with are ladies, not often found around here. I agree with you, there are bad women/men out there but there are also good ones.
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Exactly! And men have always been able to cook a nice meal or do their own laundry - but I know a lot of men that love it when their wives do this for them. And not in a subservient way - but in a showing their love and appreciation kind of way.
The bitterness needs to stop. All these posts comparing incomes and bla bla bla. Who cares?
If I were to go on a date, I suspect I'd bring money just in case so that I could offer. If he takes me up on it, fine. If not, I'd consider him to be generous and a bit traditional. Seeing that I like fairly traditional (not chauvinists or anything)men, I would look upon the act very favorably.
My husband has been paying for all my meals since we were 17. Good thing we were married or it would have been a bad investment on his part I always offered and he would never take the money. He has a very giving spirit and loves to take care of me as well as others. That's just one thing I love about him.
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I always offered and he would never take the money. He has a very giving spirit and loves to take care of me as well as others. That's just one thing I love about him.
