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More like sexual favors. Its called prostitution around the globe. Vast majority of guys dont mind paying at all, and this is rarely about money. Its the attitude of entitlement that drives us crazy. THe man doesnt owe you jack. If you earn an income, learn to pay your own damn way or at the very least offer to pitch in once in a blue moon. I find this attitude of "if he cant pay $6.00 for my meal he isnt good enough", so materialistic, narcisistic and such a major turn off. World dooesnt owe you jack and you are no better than the guy you are dating.
More like sexual favors. Its called prostitution around the globe. Vast majority of guys dont mind paying at all, and this is rarely about money. Its the attitude of entitlement that drives us crazy. THe man doesnt owe you jack. If you earn an income, learn to pay your own damn way or at the very least offer to pitch in once in a blue moon. I find this attitude of "if he cant pay $6.00 for my meal he isnt good enough", so materialistic, narcisistic and such a major turn off. World dooesnt owe you jack and you are no better than the guy you are dating.
Regardless of who pays for what, why would anyone want to go out on a date with someone with this attitude? There's nothing kind, generous, easy-going or pleasant about someone who thinks that his buying a woman's dinner makes her a prostitute and that he doesn't owe anyone anything. It's just as narcissistic and entitled as he's accusing women of being.
Regardless of who pays for what, why would anyone want to go out on a date with someone with this attitude? There's nothing kind, generous, easy-going or pleasant about someone who thinks that his buying a woman's dinner makes her a prostitute and that he doesn't owe anyone anything. It's just as narcissistic and entitled as he's accusing women of being.
Men can get ticked off with things like these as much as women get ticked off with them being expected to take care of house chores. For me, it doesn’t make sense to expect that from a woman as much as have women expect/demand men to pay for their expenses. Why not simply be nice in all areas of the relationship regardless of the gender?
The flaw in this thread is that the woman and the man lacked the ability to communicate their expectations and understanding the dynamic of this so called first date.
In terms of relationship, the handing for financial matters was not communicated, thus leaving a lot of assumptions to the so called rules.
Woman (the OP) states she is willing to pay (and she did pay), yet "expected" the man to offer. This is a "covert contract" that basically puts a test on the man with the man not knowing he is being tested, not the rules of the test is explicitly communicated. Just assumptions.
And then another woman (the waitress) makes her assumptions and applies her judgments about the bill. And somehow the OP assumes again that the waitress knows and judge they are on a first date. The waitress lazily just put two totals on the bill, rather than create two separate bills. And then the waitress places the bill in front of the man rather than a neutral middle of the table. So once again, another assumption by the waitress using some rule that the man in this scenario does not know of.
I do not know of this man, but I will put my assumption. Perhaps he is no longer interested in the OP and resorts to passive-aggressive behaviors that he perceives as unacceptable to his date. He is either totally clueless of the so called "current dating rules" or doing subtle things to tell his date he is no longer interested.
An integrated man be clear and direct about his thoughts and feelings, and ask for clarifications rather than guess blindly about rules and expectations with his date.
I like your post.
I've never done online dating but my SO has, so I asked him about it. He said that his first suggestion was always getting together for coffee, but there were many women who felt that wasn't good enough, they wanted dinner and a movie as a first date. He then said he'd agree to that only if they'd go dutch, which also offended many of them. He wasn't willing to pay for dinner and a movie, easily a $60 or more evening, for a complete stranger. At least he was up front about it, which I think is important before you even go out on the date.
More like sexual favors. Its called prostitution around the globe. Vast majority of guys dont mind paying at all, and this is rarely about money. Its the attitude of entitlement that drives us crazy. THe man doesnt owe you jack. If you earn an income, learn to pay your own damn way or at the very least offer to pitch in once in a blue moon. I find this attitude of "if he cant pay $6.00 for my meal he isnt good enough", so materialistic, narcisistic and such a major turn off. World dooesnt owe you jack and you are no better than the guy you are dating.
My question is why does it bother YOU so much how OTHER women want to be treated?
If YOU don't mind paying your own way or your date's way, then why are trippin' off the fact that some of "us" will not go for that, especially on a FIRST DATE?
I have not lived in the US for 12 years and probably never will again but here going dutch is normal and women will normally not accept if the man trys to pay. Seems to me if the man pays the woman "owes" him.
The flaw in this thread is that the woman and the man lacked the ability to communicate their expectations and understanding the dynamic of this so called first date.
In terms of relationship, the handing for financial matters was not communicated, thus leaving a lot of assumptions to the so called rules.
Woman (the OP) states she is willing to pay (and she did pay), yet "expected" the man to offer. This is a "covert contract" that basically puts a test on the man with the man not knowing he is being tested, not the rules of the test is explicitly communicated. Just assumptions.
And then another woman (the waitress) makes her assumptions and applies her judgments about the bill. And somehow the OP assumes again that the waitress knows and judge they are on a first date. The waitress lazily just put two totals on the bill, rather than create two separate bills. And then the waitress places the bill in front of the man rather than a neutral middle of the table. So once again, another assumption by the waitress using some rule that the man in this scenario does not know of.
I do not know of this man, but I will put my assumption. Perhaps he is no longer interested in the OP and resorts to passive-aggressive behaviors that he perceives as unacceptable to his date. He is either totally clueless of the so called "current dating rules" or doing subtle things to tell his date he is no longer interested.
An integrated man be clear and direct about his thoughts and feelings, and ask for clarifications rather than guess blindly about rules and expectations with his date.
I like your post.
Now with that said I have NEVER, EVER paid on the first date or even thought about "communicating" who would - EVER.
The man has ALWAYS paid. Ever since I was a teenager, this has, was and will ALWAYS be the RULE in MY world.
I can't imagine a man even asking me to and if he did he better let it be known BEFORE the date is planned and you can rest assured ALL communication with him from there on out would cease as I don't deal with cheapskates.
And if he continued to text or call asking why I'm not speaking to him, I will tell him exactly that - NO CHEAPSKATES.
I've never done online dating but my SO has, so I asked him about it. He said that his first suggestion was always getting together for coffee, but there were many women who felt that wasn't good enough, they wanted dinner and a movie as a first date. He then said he'd agree to that only if they'd go dutch, which also offended many of them. He wasn't willing to pay for dinner and a movie, easily a $60 or more evening, for a complete stranger. At least he was up front about it, which I think is important before you even go out on the date.
I completely agree with going for coffee for a first time in person introduction from an online dating site.
I will GLADLY pay for my coffee with no problem, but only in THIS instance.
Who would a thunk communication would be so hard. When I was in my early 20's (long ago) it was just the unspoken rule if a guy asked you out on a date, he would pick up the tab. By my late 20's I was a college student (late bloomer) and dates were more of hanging out in a group, everyone was on a tight budget and I always paid my own tab. Its been awhile since my last first date, but the guy asked me out, actually we had pizza and a few beers at my place, he brought the pizza and beer. Later we actually went out. He asked me, I assume he would pay. Since that first date, if he asks, he usually pays, sometimes I ask, "you buying", sometimes I pay anyway. I make more $ and know sometimes he's broke. if I ask if he wants to go out or get lunch, I pay. I know dating has changed since the dark ages, but if you ask me out you pay or make it clear thats its dutch, and I will do the same.
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