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Old 02-17-2012, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
8,915 posts, read 4,469,456 times
Reputation: 12510
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
What is the difference if he just decided on said "activity" for the same reason - just being cheap?
No. I would view that someone who had a bunch of interests. Which is a plus. Dinner is fine. But someone who invites me to an activity intrigues me more.
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Old 02-17-2012, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,712,028 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
No. I would view that someone who had a bunch of interests. Which is a plus. Dinner is fine. But someone who invites me to an activity intrigues me more.
And yet, the reason may very well be the same.
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Old 02-17-2012, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Florida
1,775 posts, read 2,178,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Well, that is where we part ways.

My primary interest is getting to know the guy. And that can easily be done with activities, sometimes more so. It can be Sunset on the Beach (free movie), a hike in a wonderful location (ok, it's Hawaii, all are locations are pretty awesome), locals night at a museum (usually free, or low cost), snorkeling... doesn't matter.

Ok, I prefer not to go bikini, wet hair, and no make-up on a first date...... A girl NEEDS a little illusion on a first date, especially at 45! I'd counter snorkely with a good strenous hike!

BUT, if a guy asks me out to dinner, and wants me to pay my half (in most cases), I'm going to take it that he has very little interest in me.
While those are great ideas, I don't think they are appropriate for a first date. They make great second and third dates, to really see the true personality and interests of each other and maybe move a relationship forward just by enjoying each other's company, free of external influences.

First dates (especially ones that are online/set up) should be traditional, to see the basic elements of chemistry and compatibility with a sufficient demonstration of generosity (paying for the meal).

It's also been 50/50 in my experience (and backed up by theis thread) that many women consider "free" activites to be too cheap for a first date. I'd prefer not to take that risk, very few object to a dinner I buy them for a first date. On the other hand...I do want to make sure that she likes me for me and not what I'm buying her, so I usually try to arrange something free/cheap where the focus is on each other rather than something else for the second or third date.

Also- do you really want a guy you've only talked to online taking you on a backwoods hike alone the first time you meet? Too many creeps out there.

Just my opinion.
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Old 02-17-2012, 08:58 PM
 
18,869 posts, read 14,513,470 times
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I think that there is a difference in dating a man you have met online, and dating a man you met at church. I met my current BF at church, we had known each other for about five months before he asked me out. We went out for a nice dinner. But I did not expect that all the time.

I can't stand on-line dating, it is fake, with a lot of players out there. Too many games. Too much BS, on both sides.

That aside, I would think if you are meeting someone online, he chooses, he could pick coffee or Ruth Chris...but I do think, at some point women should invite the guy over for dinner, or offer to pay for a date.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:13 PM
 
5,489 posts, read 4,705,422 times
Reputation: 4538
Quote:
Originally Posted by th3vault View Post
While those are great ideas, I don't think they are appropriate for a first date. They make great second and third dates, to really see the true personality and interests of each other and maybe move a relationship forward just by enjoying each other's company, free of external influences.

First dates (especially ones that are online/set up) should be traditional, to see the basic elements of chemistry and compatibility with a sufficient demonstration of generosity (paying for the meal).

It's also been 50/50 in my experience (and backed up by theis thread) that many women consider "free" activites to be too cheap for a first date. I'd prefer not to take that risk, very few object to a dinner I buy them for a first date. On the other hand...I do want to make sure that she likes me for me and not what I'm buying her, so I usually try to arrange something free/cheap where the focus is on each other rather than something else for the second or third date.

Also- do you really want a guy you've only talked to online taking you on a backwoods hike alone the first time you meet? Too many creeps out there.

Just my opinion.
I agree with everything in your post, but with the highlighted moreso.


Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I think that there is a difference in dating a man you have met online, and dating a man you met at church. I met my current BF at church, we had known each other for about five months before he asked me out. We went out for a nice dinner. But I did not expect that all the time.
Yes, I agree with this as well.

Quote:
I can't stand on-line dating, it is fake, with a lot of players out there. Too many games. Too much BS, on both sides.
I've never done it, but I don't doubt it. If some of the men on HERE are any indication of what you'll find in the online dating world, then it seems like it would be a complete waste of time.

But I do have a friend that landed his current girlfriend off one. It was plenty of fish. He's the only I know of though.

Quote:
That aside, I would think if you are meeting someone online, he chooses, he could pick coffee or Ruth Chris...but I do think, at some point women should invite the guy over for dinner, or offer to pay for a date.
NEVER. Not on the FIRST one. Not ME.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:23 PM
 
18,869 posts, read 14,513,470 times
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I agree, the man pays for the first date...but he is in charge of that, so if he picks coffee, or a fancy place, it is up to him. I don't judge men on where they take me for dates, or the money spent...but I do think at some point in a relationship, a bottle of wine at home, with pizza makes a great date.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Astoria, NY
3,056 posts, read 1,326,686 times
Reputation: 2475
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
Other than this place, I've never heard of it either.
That's because this board is replete with socially inept losers who have no hope of getting real women to date them.

No guy has ever had this discussion with me either. Most guys I've been with take out their credit card before the check is set down.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:26 PM
 
5,489 posts, read 4,705,422 times
Reputation: 4538
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I agree, the man pays for the first date...but he is in charge of that, so if he picks coffee, or a fancy place, it is up to him. I don't judge men on where they take me for dates, or the money spent...but I do think at some point in a relationship, a bottle of wine at home, with pizza makes a great date.
Oh definitely!!!

He's already shown me on the first date and probably the subsequent one that he's into me, so I would have no problem doing this. Not at all.
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Old 02-17-2012, 09:43 PM
 
4,191 posts, read 1,990,117 times
Reputation: 5213
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
I see that. I don't really care about the men so much as the women who let them get away with this nonsense.

Then many of these same women will down other women who will NOT put up with what they will allow.
Why?? How does what they decide to do effects you?
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Old 02-17-2012, 10:07 PM
 
1,394 posts, read 811,990 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Why?? How does what they decide to do effects you?
In theory it COULD affect her.

A--she will never pay for a first date
B--if many more women pay for there own, or go Dutch, then she would become a rarity, and the likelihood of her preference remaining in place, would greatly diminish
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