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Every time I’ve allowed myself to like a girl, the girl shows disinterest in having a relationship. I’m smart enough to avoid developing affection for attached women but single girls are no more receptive to dating.
Yesterday, I got definitively friend-zoned by someone who I’d been hanging out with for months. We seem to have some chemistry together; we have similar hobbies and goals. Yet, she gave me a lame excuse for not wanting to date me: she doesn’t want to experience the drama of a relationship—supposedly, her previous boyfriends had left her jaded (yes, I realize the irony). It really hurts to have experienced so much affection for someone only to have the door shut so decisively. I really think I’ve done everything to attract her but apparently, even that’s not enough.
Of course, this isn’t a unique experience. Ever since high school (I’m in my early 20s now), I’ve developed attraction for women who subsequently fall for other men. I didn’t know they were not interested in me nor did I know that I would be seduced by their personalities.
The Catch-22 of dating is that you want to date someone who you’re strongly attracted to yet that simply increases the risk of experiencing unrequited love. I really don’t know how to solve that. I can always date someone I’m not interested in (of course I won’t get hurt if I go after her). But what’s the point of dating someone you can’t fall in love with? However, I find that I’m too susceptible to getting hurt and disappointed.
My new rule is to avoid dating women and avoid forming friendships with physically attractive women. Frankly, I doubt I’ll be able to be romantically attracted to unattractive women.
Have I become bitter? Sure, but am I to be blamed for how other women have treated me? I don’t see how I harm society by being bitter about dating. I’ll just spend more time working, studying, and spending time with friends. My boss, my grades, and friends will certainly welcome this change.
So that’s my mini-rant. Thanks for reading. I look forward to any comments and suggestions.
EDIT: Jeremy Lin's my new idol. He didn't waste his youth dating. Instead, he studied and played ball. Now he's earning millions.
Every time I’ve allowed myself to like a girl, the girl shows disinterest in having a relationship. I’m smart enough to avoid developing affection for attached women but single girls are no more receptive to dating.
Yesterday, I got definitively friend-zoned by someone who I’d been hanging out with for months. We seem to have some chemistry together; we have similar hobbies and goals. Yet, she gave me a lame excuse for not wanting to date me: she doesn’t want to experience the drama of a relationship—supposedly, her previous boyfriends had left her jaded (yes, I realize the irony). It really hurts to have experienced so much affection for someone only to have the door shut so decisively. I really think I’ve done everything to attract her but apparently, even that’s not enough.
Of course, this isn’t a unique experience. Ever since high school (I’m in my early 20s now), I’ve developed attraction for women who subsequently fall for other men. I didn’t know they were not interested in me nor did I know that I would be seduced by their personalities.
The Catch-22 of dating is that you want to date someone who you’re strongly attracted to yet that simply increases the risk of experiencing unrequited love. I really don’t know how to solve that. I can always date someone I’m not interested in (of course I won’t get hurt if I go after her). But what’s the point of dating someone you can’t fall in love with? However, I find that I’m too susceptible to getting hurt and disappointed.
My new rule is to avoid dating women and avoid forming friendships with physically attractive women. Frankly, I doubt I’ll be able to be romantically attracted to unattractive women.
Have I become bitter? Sure, but am I to be blamed for how other women have treated me? I don’t see how I harm society by being bitter about dating. I’ll just spend more time working, studying, and spending time with friends. My boss, my grades, and friends will certainly welcome this change.
So that’s my mini-rant. Thanks for reading. I look forward to any comments and suggestions.
The "Catch 22" of dating that you mention is eternal. It has been going on since ancient times for both men and women. Somehow we all survive. You will too. In the future I would advise you NOT to hang out for months with a woman you are interested in before broaching the subject of dating. Do it sooner rather than later in order to find out where you stand, instead of wasting a lot of time and building up hopes that are not to be realized. Good luck out there! I know it's tough!
first of all ..... you are not unique.
this has been going on for years and years and happening to people over and over again.
love is tricky.
and before you go around talking about girls and women, realize that boys and men do this as well.
hopefully, your bitterness, while understandable, will not last.
You're young. You are going to meet so many, many people in your life ....... open your heart, open your mind, open your soul. Why put pressure on yourself? Why not just live your life, enjoy your friends, enjoy people you meet and you'll be amazed when the right one comes along. (amazingly, when the 'right one' comes along, it really requires little to no effort. It just happens. More often than not, when it is least expected....)
You're too young to be permanently jaded and bitter .... embrace these feelings, but then get over them. move on. enjoy life.
So let me get this, you got rejected by a few women and now you've decided that the best course of action will be to avoid dating and socializing? Are you serious? Have you been reading the threads on these pages? Isnt it obvious that rejection is something that happens? Seriously, stop the pity me act and get back in the game. You are angry right now but i guarantee everything is going to be okay.
Welcome to the real world my friend. Save your frustration and take the same step I did. Give up on the dating scene and become a hermit until american women come back down to earth. Haha, BTW this means you'll be single for ever, cause it ain't gonna happen.
P.S. If I were dating I wouldn't have the money for my new car nor would I be receiving the grades I am getting in college. Its not all bad.
Based on my dating experience in the last 14 months, I could be bitter too but the reality is that rejection, dissapointment, and hurt are all part of the dating world. You are very young so these kinds od things are going to look big to you but believe me, a few years from now you'd be thinking back about how you felt and would get a great laugh.
Also, don't waste months with women, I like taking my time getting to know someone but BOTH know what we want, and what we want is not a friendship, so speak up and be honest with women from the begginning and let them know that you are interested.
Dating can suck big time, especially today but live your life young man, life continues with you or without you, so just make the best of it!
Becoming bitter is a choice you make and in my opinion it's a bad choice. Bitterness is ugly and it repels people.
Life isn't always a bed of roses for anyone but we can choose to roll with it, with a sense of humour and learn from our mistakes so we change our behaviour.
Otherwise we can look forward to being just another nasty old person who regretted their life.
my problem is that every girl i've ever dated has only wanted me for sex and nothing else. it was me that wanted a relationship, the girl was always just lookin for a one nighter or an FWB arrangement. never thought i'd actually complain about this but i'm 28 and never been in a relationship, so it's kinda starting to get to me.
OP - as someone else suggested, you gotta make your move quick. you can't afford to hang out for months before makin your move. that's definitely a surefire way of getting friend zoned.
I feel your pain. I hope you don't become bitter though. I'm divorced. I got married when I was 24 and a year later he changed his mind (likely because he was cheating). A couple years later, I fell for a guy 3 years younger than me and that didn't work out because he just wasn't in the same place in his life as I am. He didn't have a career going yet, etc. Recently I met a wonderful man on match.com (or so I thought) only for him to drop me like a hot potato for reasons I can only guess at. I'm not hijacking your thread. I'm just trying to show you sometimes dating/marriage is really hard and things just don't work out. Rejection happens and sometimes you don't even know why you were rejected. Haven't you ever rejected anyone? I know as much as I've been rejected, I've done rejecting of my own.
I've felt discouraged lately too. It's so hard to meet nice people and sometimes people seem nice at first, and a few weeks or months into things you realize they aren't who they initially presented themselves as. I totally understand your frustration. I think staying positive and staying busy are both good things to do in the interim though.
Last edited by strawberrykiki; 02-14-2012 at 04:07 PM..
Reason: typos
my problem is that every girl i've ever dated has only wanted me for sex and nothing else. it was me that wanted a relationship, the girl was always just lookin for a one nighter or an FWB arrangement. never thought i'd actually complain about this but i'm 28 and never been in a relationship, so it's kinda starting to get to me.
OP - as someone else suggested, you gotta make your move quick. you can't afford to hang out for months before makin your move. that's definitely a surefire way of getting friend zoned.
wow you poor soul
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Are you serious? 
Have you been reading the threads on these pages? Isnt it obvious that rejection is something that happens? Seriously, stop the pity me act and get back in the game. You are angry right now but i guarantee everything is going to be okay.
but live your life young man, life continues with you or without you, so just make the best of it!
