A lot in common versus Not so much in common

[dr74]

Originally Posted by tattoo_dreams

Finding a future somebody is difficult and those words always ring in one's head, "can I spend the rest of my life with this person?"

Which would you choose

A. you have a lot in common with this person and enjoy each others company without a lot of friction and pointless arguments. Have similar personalities, but this person doesn't know what they want to do with their life in terms of work and have not started a career yet or college and is currently not working, but is working on it.

B. you have very little in common and you disagree on major stuff like kids, buying a home and where to live. this person is not crazy about kids but you are. they got a career, the education already and makes good money.

wich would you choose?

These are huge extremes...so this tells me you or someone you know are currently facing this or have recently faced this..

A. Having things in common like morals, values, family ethics, are hands down important...WHY? Because these are things that usually people will not compromise since it is instilled in them. This is not to say that these differences will keep 2 people apart but I am saying that the probability of chaos is high...
B. Okay the Morals,values and family ethics are in place however they like to fish where you cannot stand it, Their idea of a good time is going to an art house and catching a awesome indie flick and yours is hitting the newest posh restaurant or club, they like folk music you love r&b?

These are differences however they will not break you, in this case compromise is possible..

[Frihed89]

My experience is that having a lot in common with someone leaves little room for developing ourselves and our relationships. Diversity of backgrounds and interests leads to more exploration and learning.

Smooth surfaces don't stick together very well, do they?

[Katnan]

Originally Posted by Frihed89

My experience is that having a lot in common with someone leaves little room for developing ourselves and our relationships. Diversity of backgrounds and interests leads to more exploration and learning.

Smooth surfaces don't stick together very well, do they?

I'm going to assume that you're referring to hobbies and interests here?

To me, having things in common means more than interests. A similar outlook on life, similar morals, values, character, life goals, etc, is essential. If you don't have compatible backgrounds, lifestyle and future plans in common, there is little chance of success, imo. Diversity in those areas is not a positive.

[Ulysses61]

First of all, the options you give are too narrow. Listen to people who have enjoyed successful marriages for many years: it's very important to find someone with whom you have a lot in common. Opposites may attract, but they usually don't remain together for long (yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but not many).

I can't imagine having a marriage where the man is obsessed with football, working out, eating right, being active and being outdoors and the wife is fat, hates football and wants to be inside all day. That ain't gonna work in the long haul.