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Old 02-18-2012, 02:35 PM
 
629 posts, read 566,166 times
Reputation: 436

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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
So let's get this straight...

You have this unquenched thirst for Asian poonawny to the point were you are outwardly lusting for it yet you marry someone who is nothing like the object of your desires. Sadly, you were too young to actually marry. Chances are that once you find a willing Asian participant you will have a sexual affair. Or perhaps one day, when you make enough money, you will be able to afford to keep an Asian mistress.
Sweet back on topic. Never said my wife was NOTHING like the object of my desire. She just isn't asian which doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that my attraction for the other type is still strong enough to make me nervous around them. I already received some very useful posts a long time ago.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,022 posts, read 14,474,354 times
Reputation: 11309
I know my future wife can never be a Ducati 1199. So I'm always gonna cheat on her and press the Marquis against the latter. I'll ride her, stroke her and elope with her to the stars. Will my wife have a problem with this? I don't know. But she might even agree for a threesome ride, and that's inevitable.

But I agree with Hoboken, I'll never start getting nervous and act up when faced with a Ducati. So in these cases, it's definitely possible to be attracted to two objects of a sexually attractive nature.

OP, follow your heart and discuss this with your wife. Communication is key.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:44 PM
 
8,394 posts, read 7,474,244 times
Reputation: 8973
Quote:
Originally Posted by southshorelady View Post
I find that incredibly sad. I don't fault you for it. You sound like a great guy with good character but is facing a tough situation. That said, I often feel flushed and butterflies when an extremely attractive men heads my way. I don't act on it and I don't think about him after he's gone so I don't really care. I'm sure my husband looks at other women and I don't care that much. It's normal and as long he's not rubbing my face in it then I don't care.

I dunno what to tell you. I can't relate to that because I don't have a type. I like men of many varieties. Maybe some sort of hypnosis or alternative therapy would work to rid yourself of this over-the-top attraction.
This is a good point. Then you wouldn't have to involve your wife like you would in marriage counseling. I commend you for at least addressing your issue. Believe me when I say, your wife may not be able to get over her insecurities if you were to tell her this Asian fetish...she might be able to compete in a different circumstance but never in the race game....after all, one can never change their race.
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Old 02-18-2012, 02:58 PM
 
1,426 posts, read 1,092,829 times
Reputation: 1804
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
after all, one can never change their race.
Oh I beg to differ..
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Old 02-18-2012, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,095 posts, read 56,964,608 times
Reputation: 38293
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
Hey I'm a man in his mid twenties who is married to a wonderful woman who I am very attracted to. My problem is that I have a very strong attraction to a particular type of woman that my wife is not. To avoid confusion I will simply say that I am extremely attracted to cute asian women which my wife is not. The group is not the focus in this topic it's the fact that I'm extremely attracted to a group my wife can never be a apart of. I love her and I find her very attractive and sexy but when I see a cute, attractive asian woman approach me, my heart races and I get nervous. I hate it and I'm glad this hasn't happened in front of my wife but I don't know how to stop it. I usually just walk away or stay busy to avoid excessive glances in her direction but I need a better solution. I want to rid myself of this somehow. Yes I know attraction isn't a choice but I love my wife and even distractions like that make me feel guilty. Any ideas? I will never leave the happy life I have with my wife just to pursue pointless desires that arise once in a blue. It's like leaving my beautiful house to spend one night in a flashy expensive hotel just to realize I lost my house because of it.


Another example of why people shouldn't marry so young.

Our tastes and world view can change a lot between 20 and 30, so what appealed to you at 20 won't always be the most appealing thing when you hit 30.

But you married her because you love her so you owe it to her to work on overcoming these attractions if they interfere with your marriage in any way.

Try some simple behavior modification....put a tight rubber band around your wrist and the second you find yourself thinking about an Asian woman snap the rubber band against your wrist. Make it sting to interrupt your thoughts.

The key to controlling these compulsive thoughts is to react to change them the instant they crop up. Mind over matter so to speak.
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:19 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
6,751 posts, read 7,479,573 times
Reputation: 10874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
Sweet back on topic. Never said my wife was NOTHING like the object of my desire. She just isn't asian which doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that my attraction for the other type is still strong enough to make me nervous around them. I already received some very useful posts a long time ago.
Short story - and true. My husband finds a bubble butt with curvaceous hips to drool over. But he loves me. I no longer have a bubble butt and my curvaceous hips have since become saggy and baggy. Since he really loves a nice butt/hips, I encourage him to look. What's the harm? Why shouldn't he look? Especially when I become the recipient of his turned-on state. I saw a woman on board ship this last week and he missed her. Next time I saw her, I made sure to get his attention so he could look too.

Looking is never a problem. Feeling attraction, being turned on by a certain look is NEVER the problem.
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:59 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
14,702 posts, read 9,986,355 times
Reputation: 15268
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
Sweet back on topic. Never said my wife was NOTHING like the object of my desire. She just isn't asian which doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that my attraction for the other type is still strong enough to make me nervous around them. I already received some very useful posts a long time ago.
You are young so just chalk it up to lack of relationship/sexual maturity. There will always be other women whom you will find attractive. Always. Its natural.

The part that seems strange is that you keep mentioning that these lovely Asian beauties make you "nervous." Why do they make you "nervous?" Are you afraid that you will be tempted to act upon your lustful desires? Your love for your wife should be so great that you could have hundred naked Asian hotties laying naked in front of you and still not be tempted to stray.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Michigan
30 posts, read 15,728 times
Reputation: 38
OP, whatever you deside to do, don't talk it over with your wife, don't tell her. Don't listen to the posts that suggest you tell her. That is just plain mean. If you deside to go to therapy, go by yourself, don't drag her into this. Wait a good 30 yrs and you'll both get a good laugh but not before then. Believe me, it will be funny by then.

BTW, the most important thing for a long lasting marriage is communication, I swear it is. I've been married 35 yrs and counting. The second is knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

For those young couples that say that they tell their spouse everything and expect the other spouce to do the same, I say you want your spouse to share everything with you more than you want your marriage to last a lifetime. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Think about it, what will come out of telling her that you lust over Asian women? Take my advice, wait the 30 years.

You seem like a nice young man who probably married too young so don't add to your problems by not learning when to keep things to yourself.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:40 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
12,119 posts, read 12,613,182 times
Reputation: 13515
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kagami46 View Post
Actually this forum had given me very good advice several posts ago. Now this topic is open to the rest of the posters who wish to continue to interpret the situation as they see fit.
Obviously agreeing with another poster who thinks you may need some help is offensive. Its not meant to be judgmental or negative.

You're the person who seems to have the issue with you.

What you think and feel about yourself is more important than what we think. Talking to posters may not be enough.

I hope this better explains my agreement with the post I quoted.
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Old 02-18-2012, 08:45 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
17,189 posts, read 20,203,102 times
Reputation: 26262
Stop it, you ass.
We all have fantasies, which don't do any harm to our relationships. If you give this any more importance, then you risk ruining the real relationship you have.
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