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Old 02-28-2012, 12:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
I'm in a long-term (10+) year relationship. We share our lives, our finances, a home and a dog. We don't share a marriage license. It's amusing to both of us when people are so perplexed by this, bothered even.

Also, I've found Americans place much more importance on being legally married than many other countries.
Personally, I don't care what people do when kids aren't involved. But what happends to kids ultimately affects me and everyone else. Kids being raised by only one parent have more problems than kids who are raised by 2 married parents.

Like I said, there are exceptions, but not that many.

As far as other countries go, the social/cultural context is often different. I think of Scandinavia, which has always had high out of wedlock births. But these are small countries and the way of life/thinking is not the same as it is in the US.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; 02-28-2012 at 12:49 AM..
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:17 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
I am all for single women having kids if they are physically, financially and emotionally capable of dealing with it..
Well that's just it. Very few really are able to pull that off. And there's generally something missing (emotionally speaking) when there's not a dad in the house. Moms can't replace that. The reverse is also true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
I really don't know what I missed..
You said a mouthful right there. You don't know what you missed so you operate as if you didn't miss anything. It's an understandable response. It's also one that perpetuates the single parent family model, which at the very least, is a financial failure for most.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enigmaingr View Post
The woman near the end of her child-bearing years is likely to be in a decent financial position to raise a child alone. Presumably, she has her education completed and an established career. And by setting out to be a single parent, she likely has established support.
This may be true but I still think the kid(s) are missing out on something emotionally by not having a dad at home. They also miss out on the attention of both parents. Unless the single parent is financially independent (i.e. gets income from stocks, bonds & other investments), they really can't give the kid(s) the time and attention they need and deserve.

Interestingly enough, college educated women, who would be in the best position to be single moms, are the least likely to have kids outside of marriage.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscillatory View Post
What's that scifi/fantasy world? The one where women rule the planet and all us fellas live underground in cages and are only brought up to the surface to breed ? I think it's happening .
It wouldn't if men weren't so careless about not using birth control or being so cavalier about what happens to their offspring.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
That's a child you're talking about...a real person. People like you who don't respect children should definitely stay alone.

I have no problem with men or women who don't want to take on other people's kids but I do have an issue with people who use derogatory names for kids. It isn't their fault, they didn't choose their parents.
I get your point about the derogatory names.

However, the people we should really have a problem with are those who have kids without being prepared for parenthood. That would be most single parents.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
I'm a single mom, not by choice. My ex broke up with me when I wouldn't have an abortion and now he's dating a girl with a kid. He only sees my daughter on holidays and spends the rest of his time with his new make-shift family.

Would you have killed for that?

I personally wouldn't have killed you. But I do think the social pressure to either get married or put kids up for adoption in a situation like this was a good thing for both the kids and the parents.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
This isn't really about single parents vs two...this is about poor vs not poor.
But the two things are very intertwined as single parenthood generally means less time to raise your kid(s) and less money to bring them up in a safe environment.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dimps88 View Post
I never had a male role model - I grew up with sisters and a single mom and maybe I am a bad judge of character when it comes to men because of this .
You hit on something here. Women who don't grow up with a man in the house miss out on a kind of emotional intelligence. They don't know how to pick good men because they've never seen that example....so they are more likely to pick men who aren't good for them, and become single mothers themselves.

Now, if we just throw our hands up and act as if all of this is normal and natural, well, we end up with a kind of 3rd world society where there are a few haves who get marred and a large number of have nots who don't.

You might think some of the posts are judgemental. But I disagree. We have to start admitting we have a problem here before we can fix it.

And there is plenty of research out there which (some already cited by me) says having a large number of single parents in our society does create problems for the kids, the parents, and society at large.

Last edited by mysticaltyger; 02-28-2012 at 01:52 AM..
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Why do men sleep with women who aren't mother/wife material?
Good point. There's too much "casual" sex. It turns out that even with consistent birth control usage, the effects are not so "casual" after all.
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Old 02-28-2012, 12:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by penguin_kernel View Post
Well...not everyone you have sexual relations with has to be mother/wife material.
I think it's time we ask ourselves how well this kind of thinking is working for us.

I'm not going to put myself up on some kind of moral pedetal here....'cause I know I've had my share of casual sex. But when I hit age 35, I started asking myself how well that was working out for me. It turned out I didn't like the answer. But facing the hard truth has led to better results in the long run. I hope people will not have to learn things the hard way like I did. I didn't even have any kids out of wedlock. But let's just say there's no condom to protect against a broken heart. And you can get emotionally attached to someone even when you don't intend to.
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