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Old 02-18-2012, 03:22 PM
 
484 posts, read 988,003 times
Reputation: 438

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 90sman View Post
You're together, even live together and have children. Why not just get married already?
Exactly! I just don't get it. When I ask, I usually get something like this:

Me: So you two want to spend the rest of your lives together?
Response: Yes!
Me: And you want to have children together?
Response: Yes!
Me: But you two don't want to get married?
Response: No. Why would we? Marriage involves so much...
Me: Like living together? Raising children together?
Response: Yes, but have you seen the divorce rates?
Me: Sadly, I have.
Response: I don't want my kids to have to go through all that.
Me: Okay.
Response: My parents divorced and it was a mess.
Me: Ever talk to someone born out of wedlock about their childhood?
Response: Plus, I don't want the government all up in our business with all the legal aspects of marriage.
Me: So, you don't plan on applying for WIC or food stamp assistance? And you wouldn't dare ask the courts to help you get child support money?
Response: Well...you see...that's all different. Besides, none of that's going to happen to us.

Alas, the statistics and examples are well known out there. To each their own I suppose.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:35 PM
 
4,905 posts, read 4,354,230 times
Reputation: 8342
I'm in a long-term (10+) year relationship. We share our lives, our finances, a home and a dog. We don't share a marriage license. It's amusing to both of us when people are so perplexed by this, bothered even.

Also, I've found Americans place much more importance on being legally married than many other countries.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:38 PM
 
Location: USA
1,729 posts, read 1,926,374 times
Reputation: 3661
Quote:
Originally Posted by enigmaingr View Post
It's not enough to want children; they deserve complete love and support. No single parent, mom or dad, can completely provide it all.
No they can't and that's why I do not have children. I watched all my girlfriends go through the single mother thing when their husbands bailed and I knew I did not want that. But some women want children at any cost.
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:43 PM
 
Location: southern california
53,432 posts, read 68,324,606 times
Reputation: 45012
the article basically says women do it bek they can, they have the resources. i'm not sure its about doing what is best for the child. its about she wants a child and some sort of perm connection with the man of her choice?
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Old 02-18-2012, 04:45 PM
 
7,497 posts, read 8,465,850 times
Reputation: 7394
I am all for single women having kids if they are physically, financially and emotionally capable of dealing with it. I think a child benefits from having two parents, but it's gotten to the point anymore that many kids grow up without fathers and it just really isn't a big deal to a lot of people.

I grew up with a single mother. Do I wish I'd had a stable father figure? No. Would it have been nice? Sure. When I hear other people who were raised single say they wished they'd had a father, I just draw a blank when I think about that. I really don't know what I missed.

I do think a lot of particularly young women have babies they're not ready for, and that's not a good idea. However many of them may turn out to be good parents. Overall I think the biggest problem single parents and their kids face is the stigma that continues to plague single-parent families. If that weren't such a problem, I think some kids of single parents would have a much easier time.

Good families are beautiful in whatever shape they come in and there are plenty. Women don't need to wait for a man to have kids and I'm all for older women reaching their proverbial end of child-bearing years to have a child if they can truly handle it and are honest with themselves about the realities they'll face as a parent.
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Old 02-18-2012, 05:06 PM
 
484 posts, read 988,003 times
Reputation: 438
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
Women don't need to wait for a man to have kids and I'm all for older women reaching their proverbial end of child-bearing years to have a child if they can truly handle it and are honest with themselves about the realities they'll face as a parent.
This may be true but there is a big difference in outcomes between this older woman knowingly and intelligently choosing to be a single mother and a young woman who gets pregnant expecting that her unmarried relationship will last.

The woman near the end of her child-bearing years is likely to be in a decent financial position to raise a child alone. Presumably, she has her education completed and an established career. And by setting out to be a single parent, she likely has established support.

On the other hand, a 25 year old woman who has a baby and ends up being a single mom at 27 is likely in a very different spot. It's not so fun or liberating to have to run the baby between grandma's and your best friend's house, while you try to make ends-meet as a Walmart cashier.
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Old 02-18-2012, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Virginia
96 posts, read 72,214 times
Reputation: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by West of Encino View Post
It's an alarming trend that's been growing since 1970.
Hmm... About the same time as Feminism began to rise. Welcome to the "I don't need a man to have a family" generation.
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Old 02-18-2012, 05:39 PM
 
Location: Chicago
63 posts, read 111,012 times
Reputation: 175
What's that scifi/fantasy world? The one where women rule the planet and all us fellas live underground in cages and are only brought up to the surface to breed ? I think it's happening .
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Old 02-18-2012, 05:41 PM
 
Location: Virginia
96 posts, read 72,214 times
Reputation: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oscillatory View Post
What's that scifi/fantasy world? The one where women rule the planet and all us fellas live underground in cages and are only brought up to the surface to breed ? I think it's happening .
http://images.memegenerator.net/instances/280x280/9966378.jpg (broken link)
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Old 02-18-2012, 06:48 PM
 
9,415 posts, read 10,479,794 times
Reputation: 20128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
I'm in a long-term (10+) year relationship. We share our lives, our finances, a home and a dog. We don't share a marriage license. It's amusing to both of us when people are so perplexed by this, bothered even.

Also, I've found Americans place much more importance on being legally married than many other countries.
I agree with you, Americans are far more obsessed with marriage than many other countries. I'm from New Zealand, living together and having children is very normal and acceptable. We don't treat people who live together as "sinners" or "immoral people".
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