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Old 02-22-2012, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,154 posts, read 9,064,633 times
Reputation: 3483
This sounds like an old screen play. Rich daughter marries for love and the father disapproves of the marriage and disinherits her. Years later, the couple runs into financial trouble and the evil FIL steps in with a contract to bail them out. Husband takes the deal for the family's sake. Happy ending is he realizes his mistake and she realizes what he's done for them. They get back together and live happily ever after. The reality is he did it for the money and she realizes that money is more important to him and hate him for the rest of her life.

No, I wouldn't do it for a $1 million each. We're a couple and we workout our problems together.
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Old 02-22-2012, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
1,357 posts, read 1,603,537 times
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What if you were married and had a child with a very serious illness? You were poor and did not have any insurance and the only way to save your child was a surgery that could be paid for if you divorced your partner and received a payout. Would I do it? Yes, with regret and sadness I would.

There are actually somewhat similar circumstances where couples divorced in order to qualify for certain life saving benefits. It's not always about naked materialism.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 877,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
You will NEVER be financially independent once you have children, have a mortgage, car and insurance payments, healthcare insurance, and not to mention that once you divorce there are 2 households, not one. What message are you sending to your children? It's ok to get divorced even though you love your spouse but money is FAR more important? I think you need to get your priorities straight. Money doesn't solve anything. Hubby and I have had our ups and downs and we got through them. Never had the thought come across our minds that money was going to ruin our marriage.
The point is that the ONLY logical reason for someone to think divorce is wrong, outside of kids and the impact on them, is that the Bible says so. Maybe I erred in stating that you only take vows in a church. But the point is still the same. Some things (i.e. murder, cheating, stealing) could be viewed as morally wrong, with no biblical reference, because they hurt other people. But an amicable, agreed upon by both parties divorce, has no basis for being wrong, without biblical reference.

I completely disagree about NEVER being financially independent once I have children. If someone dropped $1 million in my bank account tomorrow, and another million to my wife we would be financially independent. I'm not a materialistic person. My cars are both over 7 years old, I don't have a big screen TV, and I don't spend much money on myself. I would still work my full-time job, but having that million (and a million more for my wife) I would be financially stable within my world.

I'm very content with my life. I have great kids, a great wife, and I'm healthy. My only issue is money. The question is would I give up the great wife for the money. I wouldn't, but it is a thought for both of us. I'm not so naive and full of myself that I think if I died my wife would never find love again. She would. She's very attractive and has a great personality. I also would be able to find love if something were to happen to her. So the question is would I trade both of us being financially stable (which is a better term than financially independent), but with other people, than broke and together.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
6,343 posts, read 4,074,537 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
The point is that the ONLY logical reason for someone to think divorce is wrong, outside of kids and the impact on them, is that the Bible says so. Maybe I erred in stating that you only take vows in a church. But the point is still the same. Some things (i.e. murder, cheating, stealing) could be viewed as morally wrong, with no biblical reference, because they hurt other people. But an amicable, agreed upon by both parties divorce, has no basis for being wrong, without biblical reference.

I completely disagree about NEVER being financially independent once I have children. If someone dropped $1 million in my bank account tomorrow, and another million to my wife we would be financially independent. I'm not a materialistic person. My cars are both over 7 years old, I don't have a big screen TV, and I don't spend much money on myself. I would still work my full-time job, but having that million (and a million more for my wife) I would be financially stable within my world. what does it matter? She wouldn't be your wife anymore and like you said in your OP, you cannot be romantically involved anymore.

I'm very content with my life. I have great kids, a great wife, and I'm healthy. My only issue is money. The question is would I give up the great wife for the money. I wouldn't, but it is a thought for both of us. I'm not so naive and full of myself that I think if I died my wife would never find love again. She would. She's very attractive and has a great personality. I also would be able to find love if something were to happen to her. You or she passing has nothing to do with your OP. So the question is would I trade both of us being financially stable (which is a better term than financially independent), but with other people, than broke and together.
This all contradicts your OP. How can you be content if money is an issue? You and a good population of this country have the same issue but to say that you would give up your future with your wife only to have financial independence doesn't tell me much about how you view marriage. I'd rather be broke and with my soul mate, which I've experienced many years ago and show my child that no matter what life throws at you, you stick through it as a family. We all make employment choices and the lifestyles we want to live. If your income doesn't afford a certain lifestyle then you need to live within your means and then you don't have financial issues. When my husband and I had our money problems, we were living quite liberally before we had our child. We went out. We went away. We spent. Then both his parents died and we had to contribute to their burials. All this while I wasn't receiving a paycheck from the leave of absence I took. This took a toll on us but we got through it. We learned to stay within our means and fortunately over the past few years I switched career paths and got promotions and make a lot more money so we don't have to struggle. If it were that easy to just accept $1 million to walk away from a spouse, I can't even begin to imagine the divorce rates.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
6,343 posts, read 4,074,537 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by barkomatic View Post
What if you were married and had a child with a very serious illness? You were poor and did not have any insurance and the only way to save your child was a surgery that could be paid for if you divorced your partner and received a payout. Would I do it? Yes, with regret and sadness I would. Most likely, that's not happening in this country. There are tons of organizations out there to provide for sick children not to mention Medicaid is the largest source of funding for medical and health-related services for people with limited income in the U.S.

There are actually somewhat similar circumstances where couples divorced in order to qualify for certain life saving benefits. It's not always about naked materialism.
I've never heard of any but would be interested in reading anything about them.

Totally different scenario then what the OP is asking. He's asking would you divorce your spouse, who you can no longer be romantically involved with only for $1 million each.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 877,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
This all contradicts your OP. How can you be content if money is an issue? You and a good population of this country have the same issue but to say that you would give up your future with your wife only to have financial independence doesn't tell me much about how you view marriage. I'd rather be broke and with my soul mate, which I've experienced many years ago and show my child that no matter what life throws at you, you stick through it as a family. We all make employment choices and the lifestyles we want to live. If your income doesn't afford a certain lifestyle then you need to live within your means and then you don't have financial issues. When my husband and I had our money problems, we were living quite liberally before we had our child. We went out. We went away. We spent. Then both his parents died and we had to contribute to their burials. All this while I wasn't receiving a paycheck from the leave of absence I took. This took a toll on us but we got through it. We learned to stay within our means and fortunately over the past few years I switched career paths and got promotions and make a lot more money so we don't have to struggle. If it were that easy to just accept $1 million to walk away from a spouse, I can't even begin to imagine the divorce rates.

I have said nothing to contradict my original post. Whether I'm married to my wife or not we still have kids. So it would matter greatly to me that she had money. As for being content I said I'm content in all areas except money. The only reason I bring up the part about passing away is to emphasize that being apart may happen without our choice. We would still both manage.

I'm sure divorce rates would be higher. As it is now you get the exact opposite of a million dollars. You are much worse of financially. But minus negative impact on kids, who cares if the divorce rates are high (unless you are religious of course).
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Old 02-22-2012, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 877,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I've never heard of any but would be interested in reading anything about them.

Totally different scenario then what the OP is asking. He's asking would you divorce your spouse, who you can no longer be romantically involved with only for $1 million each.
So a million isn't enough for you. What about $5 million?
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Old 02-22-2012, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
6,343 posts, read 4,074,537 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
So a million isn't enough for you. What about $5 million?
Have you not gathered from my responses that NO AMOUNT will make me divorce my husband. Let me add that we have a very nice life insurance policy. I don't need to divorce him to get a measly $1 million. Ever see the movie Indecent Proposal? Did they end up happy?
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Old 02-22-2012, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 877,176 times
Reputation: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
Have you not gathered from my responses that NO AMOUNT will make me divorce my husband. Let me add that we have a very nice life insurance policy. I don't need to divorce him to get a measly $1 million. Ever see the movie Indecent Proposal? Did they end up happy?
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but your second and third sentence seem to indicate you would kill him versus divorce him.

Yes I did see the movie Indecent Proposal. It was a movie. The director tells the actors how to act, based on a screenplay that was written. Just because a movie plays out a certain way doesn't mean life will. So that is completely irrelevant.

And in reality I think that situation would have worked out better if he had gone out and had sex for money as well. Then they would both be getting over the same thing.
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Old 02-23-2012, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
6,343 posts, read 4,074,537 times
Reputation: 5992
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but your second and third sentence seem to indicate you would kill him versus divorce him.

Yes I did see the movie Indecent Proposal. It was a movie. The director tells the actors how to act, based on a screenplay that was written. Just because a movie plays out a certain way doesn't mean life will. So that is completely irrelevant. Yeah, I know how movies and actors work. I don't need a definition. It is absolutely relevant because it is a similar scenario to what you're asking. That couple was in financial straights. Their house was in foreclosure. They gambled everything in hopes to win enough money to get them back on track. Is $1 million worth that much to you that you'd risk being unhappy? You're asking people if they would divorce their spouse who they made a life and family with, leave all that for a paltry $1 million? What would your kids think of you and your wife?

And in reality I think that situation would have worked out better if he had gone out and had sex for money as well. Then they would both be getting over the same thing.
IMO, I don't think you understand reality. It's not about what's good for the goose. If you cheated on your wife, that would make it ok for her to do the same?


No, I did not mean that I would have him killed. My point was that my future will be fine because we planned accordingly. We made choices to cut back on other things and spend that money in college savings and a good life insurance policy. It's called taking responsibility and not taking the easy way out instead of being a provider for your family. That million bucks is nothing to me without my husband. I asked my husband this question last night. He, like me and some other posters, could not understand the logic. At our age, who wants to go out and date again? We're not old. We're in our 40's but who wants to start all over again?Also, if we divorced, does that leave him free of child support? Do we both have to pay taxes on this million bucks? Most importantly, his question was, if we are happily married, regarless of finances, why would we divorce? What would our child think of us and what would our families think of us? For a lousy million dollars? Not worth it.
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