What makes people bitter/jaded? (marriage, girls, loving, sex)

[Liberty2011]

Originally Posted by mitopcat

I know I'm a little bitter towards women now. I sat and watched my dad run and trip through two divorces, falling flat on his face and coming up with a mangled mess. I then watched him go through a relationship that didn't take off, but left him worse off than his two marriages.

I never got married, nor did I have a girlfriend like he did; however, my girlfriend did some stupid things and somehow I ended up getting some of the burn from her idiocy.

You're bitter toward women because of your dad's relationship choices? Do you perceive him as a helpless victim with no choices or control over his life, and that three bad relationships had nothing to do with him?

Being bitter because of another's choices don't make sense to me, nor does acting like what happened to him or you is the fault of these women alone.

[findly185]

People make people bitter/jaded.

Which is unfortunate, since in the end were all just people and we should all represent more than just the sum of our encounters with each other.

[jobaba]

Originally Posted by jzhang1

There seems to be a lot of men on here that think really poorly of women. What happened to make you so bitter/jaded about women?

Also I'm curious as to what are your ages. I'm only 28 so maybe I haven't been burned yet? I read terrible anecdotes about how bitchy/demanding/drama queen some women are but then I've never met any of these women in real life.

I wonder if high intelligence is correlated with being nicer/more civilized behavior.

Funny you ask. I can still (vaguely) remember when I was bright eyed and bushy tailed and open to the idea of 'love'.

Let's see ... the big ones in order.

-Getting rejected in college by a girl who I was infatuated with, only to see her date not only 2 of my best friends after that, but fool around with many other guys at the drop of a dime.

-Getting rejected by one of my good friends who admitted we had a lot of chemistry but just had no physical attraction to me (OUCH! ).

-Getting rejected by a co-worker who constantly used to complain about how her ex boyfriends treated her like sh*t and how I was an awesome, cool guy. There's a lot more to this one, but I'll leave it there.

I won't even count the countless rejections at clubs, bars, and in public. Those don't faze me that much. I have had relationships and have had various problems in all of them, but nothing makes you as bitter as good old fashioned downright rejection.

[Vinsanity]

Originally Posted by mamato3

I agree, but they can't seem to bounce back, they were hurt too bad by someone(else).

Easier to blame the women than it is to blame themselves. They must not be able to see their faults for the tears in their eyes. Maybe they picked the wrong woman to begin with but it's easier to think that we're all like that then it is to think they made a mistake in who they chose.

Maybe it's just a guy thing. Or maybe those type are drawn to these boards where they can vent.

If there was something wrong with the other person as well, shouldn't they both take the blame?

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by jobaba

-Getting rejected in college by a girl who I was infatuated with, only to see her date not only 2 of my best friends after that, but fool around with many other guys at the drop of a dime.

This is just about the worst, when someone you're crazy about seems to be willing to date anyone but you.

[Dewdrop93]

Originally Posted by Lamplight

This is just about the worst, when someone you're crazy about seems to be willing to date anyone but you.

What about when the guy you are crazy about feels so comfortable with you that he spends all his time talking about how crazy he is about your friend! Life happens - sometimes things suck. You can either let these things destroy you or you can move on and become a stronger, happier person!

[jobaba]

Originally Posted by Lamplight

This is just about the worst, when someone you're crazy about seems to be willing to date anyone but you.

Yea. It sucks. The second girl I mentioned was a bit more discriminatory. She mentioned being attracted to friends of mine, but wouldn't go as far to date them.

The third girl really wasn't that discriminatory when it came to looks or personailty. She fooled around with a bunch of other guys in the office and maybe cut it off later. But with me, she felt the need to just turn me down flat, "No way in H@ll." Story of my life...

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

What about when the guy you are crazy about feels so comfortable with you that he spends all his time talking about how crazy he is about your friend! Life happens - sometimes things suck. You can either let these things destroy you or you can move on and become a stronger, happier person!

It's impossible to control your thoughts. You can suppress them by keeping busy. The bitterness will eventually fade with time. Until then, my mind wanders...

[Lamplight]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

What about when the guy you are crazy about feels so comfortable with you that he spends all his time talking about how crazy he is about your friend! Life happens - sometimes things suck. You can either let these things destroy you or you can move on and become a stronger, happier person!

Oh I've had that happen, too. Quite a few times, in fact. I didn't let it destroy me, but it did cause me to slip back into missing an ex, which was probably an even dumber thing to do. Oh well, live and learn.

[LuckyGem]

Originally Posted by jzhang1

There seems to be a lot of men on here that think really poorly of women. What happened to make you so bitter/jaded about women?

Also I'm curious as to what are your ages. I'm only 28 so maybe I haven't been burned yet? I read terrible anecdotes about how bitchy/demanding/drama queen some women are but then I've never met any of these women in real life.

I wonder if high intelligence is correlated with being nicer/more civilized behavior.

People become bitter/jaded when their expectations don't meet up to the reality of a situation.

It's important for people to keep in mind that humans cannot be controlled, people are individuals and have free will to do whatever they want, not necessarily behave the way you may want them to. Nobody should attempt to mold another person into their fantasy image.

It's better to not have any expectations at all when meeting new people, experiencing new things so you're not disappointed when things don't go as you expect them to.

Additionally, there will always be plenty of highly intelligent emotionally dysfunctional people in the world. Ted Bundy the deceased serial killer comes to mind. He was extremely intelligent but sadistic, sick and manipulative.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Bundy

[jzhang1]

There's a lot of great answers here. Definitely food for thought. I was just wondering if I'm weird since I haven't been hurt that badly when it seems so many people have been. Rejections used to sting back in college, but then I reminded myself of the way I rejected some of the girls that liked me back in high school and took it as karma. I feel bad for being an ******* in high school so I guess I feel that I deserve whatever rejection I get later in life. Ironically this makes it hurt less for some reason. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't really have a right to feel hurt from getting rejected and that I should be nice even if someone rejects me to make up for the bad karma from high school.

I think it's definitely true that you feel a lot better if you don't blame others for your problems. Blaming others turn you into a helpless victim, and only leads to frustration since you can't change other people.

I wonder if all the people that have become bitter have been nice guys/girls their whole lives. Have you never hurt anyone in your life?