Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Tell me about it...
He really is amazing at making people do what he wants...
and making you think something was your idea when it was actually his...
It's funny cause I know I'm being manipulated by him and I'm still unable to do anything about it!!
I think he was exited about you and wanted to show you off to everyone. I believe that when a a man introduces you to all his friends and family, then you are probably his girl. No doubt. But I think that with time, the enthusiasm is wavering and he is starting to feel he got into it too soon. I also disagree with the poster who said to cut off the sex. Once a man has sex with you, just cutting him off for who knows how long is going to make him look elsewhere for an actual relationship. You can't just backpedal here.
I wonder why you gave up your virginity to such a guy, so easily? Now you see what the problem is with doing that - you are attached and confused. I think the best and healthiest thing for you to do would be to break up with him and try to move on. It doesn't sound like he has your best interests at heart and there is bound to be more heartache the longer you stay with him.
It is not unusual to have sex every time you see him, but it is not right that he is a taker and evidently hurts you and doesn't care about your needs or your feelings. Why would you accept that? Think more of yourself.
Go on a long trip with friends or do something to break this attachment before you really get hurt. Cut your losses now!
Please read the above with regard to the "prostitute" archetype, which you seem to be embodying. Just be aware that that is what you are doing . . .it is a business arrangement and right now you are not feeling compensated. Just be aware that you are trading sex for stuff. A lot of people do that but be conscious of it - and you know it is not working for you.
He's miles ahead of you at 27 years old. I don't want to sound brutal, but that's the truth - and he is a manipulator if he's constantly able to talk people into doing things; you're just one more that has fallen for the charm. You said he's the only person who has ever made you say yes when you meant no. So did you really mean no but got caught up in the moment?
I know but on the other hand men grow up really slow so it's good that he's older and experienced.
I don't want to imagine how the whole thing would look like if we BOTH had no idea what the hell we are doing.
This way I kind of feel like he's my "teacher".And it's nice that he is willing to teach.No other guy has ever given me the time of day and that's why I never had a real boyfriend till now.
I have to agree about the manipulation thing.He really is a manipulator and I know I'm being manipulated and that I'm probably just "one more idiot..." But I can't do anything about it!!!
Example: he calls, asking if I want to go out.
Me: I'm not in the mood, maybe some other time.(AKA I said NO)
Him: "oh c'mon, You know I'm the best at improving peoples moods!...and I always make you laugh!(which is true)..."
Me:"I...I dunno........"
Him: "c'mon! why not?! I'll take you out, we'll catch a movie, I'll make you something to eat, then we'll cuddle a little, I'll warm you up so you won't be cold...that doesn't sound that bad does it?"
And so it goes on and on and on...with every attempt of mine to say "no" (and I don't give in easily!!!) he just goes over the reasons "why not".and replaces them with "why say yes".Till it actually turns into a "yes".
Either because I just want to shut him up () or because I actually start believing what he's saying
I'm not ignoring the red flags...I just don't know what to do about them.
1. because of his amazing manipulation skills (which are killing me but I gotta admit it's impressive:/ )
2.I know I am going to miss him when he's gone...
I got used to waking up next to him, to being able to call him to pick me up, to his wake-up calls every morning (which are a great help since the alarm is useless to me) and altogether even in just one month he knows me better than anybody ever did.I don't think I'd ever feel as comfortable with any other guy like I do with him.
Do you think I can change him?
That I can start setting some boundaries and he might actually go back to being at least like he was, if not better?
I don't know what to do anymore...
But thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it.
I know but on the other hand men grow up really slow so it's good that he's older and experienced.
I don't want to imagine how the whole thing would look like if we BOTH had no idea what the hell we are doing.
This way I kind of feel like he's my "teacher".And it's nice that he is willing to teach.No other guy has ever given me the time of day and that's why I never had a real boyfriend till now.
I have to agree about the manipulation thing.He really is a manipulator and I know I'm being manipulated and that I'm probably just "one more idiot..." But I can't do anything about it!!!
Example: he calls, asking if I want to go out.
Me: I'm not in the mood, maybe some other time.(AKA I said NO)
Him: "oh c'mon, You know I'm the best at improving peoples moods!...and I always make you laugh!(which is true)..."
Me:"I...I dunno........"
Him: "c'mon! why not?! I'll take you out, we'll catch a movie, I'll make you something to eat, then we'll cuddle a little, I'll warm you up so you won't be cold...that doesn't sound that bad does it?"
And so it goes on and on and on...with every attempt of mine to say "no" (and I don't give in easily!!!) he just goes over the reasons "why not".and replaces them with "why say yes".Till it actually turns into a "yes".
Either because I just want to shut him up () or because I actually start believing what he's saying
I'm not ignoring the red flags...I just don't know what to do about them.
1. because of his amazing manipulation skills (which are killing me but I gotta admit it's impressive:/ )
2.I know I am going to miss him when he's gone...
I got used to waking up next to him, to being able to call him to pick me up, to his wake-up calls every morning (which are a great help since the alarm is useless to me) and altogether even in just one month he knows me better than anybody ever did.I don't think I'd ever feel as comfortable with any other guy like I do with him.
Do you think I can change him?
That I can start setting some boundaries and he might actually go back to being at least like he was, if not better?
I don't know what to do anymore...
But thanks for the advice, I really do appreciate it.
You're setting yourself up for major heartbreak. You have not heard any of the advice given . . . you just want excuses to stay with him - go for it and report back later on.
But him calling again, then introducing me to his family/friends etc. made me really confused.
Would you usually invite someone you're not serious about to a family dinner?
I don't think so. (yet again, I don't know what to think anymore)
His family seems to like me, and his sisters seem really nice so I'm pretty sure they'd tell me if they knew he was seeing someone else while he's with me.
That's what girls like to interpret as a something meaningful and serious, but his family might be used to see many of his female friends ( note: I didn't said girlfriends) coming and going in his life.
I don't think that they would tell you about his love life, present or past.
Quote:
What's bothering me now is that the whole "trade" thing is not like it used to be anymore...I STILL give him sex, but he doesn't bother to cuddle with me when I want to, we don't go out as much as we just stay in my place or his place (which also leads to sex) and he doesn't buy too many things lately either.
Quote:
He's just selfish now...He takes but gives nothing back.
What changed?! How come he used to give something back and now he doesn't? how come he used to love to just cuddle and now he tried to get a HJ out of every touch?
He don't need to pretend anymore - he knows that you will do whatever he ask you to do, and when you try to disobey, he just firmly redirect you to do what pleases him. Cuddling seems to be a waste of time, and obviously he don't think that taking you out is still necessary in order to get the service. He doesn't really care what you need or feel, as long as he gets what he wants.
Quote:
Damn, if he would of at least cared if I enjoy the sex or not, that would be enough.
See above and don't kid yourself. He does not care.
What puzzles me is why you do whatever you do, if you don't even enjoy it, or get the smallest gratification? Are you still thinking that one of those days you will become his girlfriend which would lead to something even more serious? I don't think he thought about it in the beginning, and I am rather sure that he is a light years away from considering it now.
I feel like I am currently in an "undefined relationship" and it's bothering me.
About a month ago I met a guy (8 years older) at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. I slept with him on the next day after lots of texts and calls.
He was my first and he was incredibly gentle.
I actually never expected it to be anything more than a one night stand but he kept in touch and it made me confused. I mean, wouldn't a guy usually disappear after he got what he wanted? Right now I'm not too sure WHAT we are.
On the one hand he seems like he is serious about me, because he introduced me to his family, we went on double dates with some of his closest friends, he always calls/texts a few times a day, he drives me places (even if it's early in the morning or not on his way) and pays for me when we go out, I feel comfortable telling him the truth about everything and I hate lying to him.I've slept in his place and eaten with his family... He is also very protective and doesn't want other men looking at me.
On the other hand, he hates taking photos with me but has no problem doing it with everybody else. He is introducing me as "the girl he met" to everyone (coworkers, family etc.) Almost EVERY time we meet, we either have sex or I give him a HJ/BJ. He used to love to just cuddle with me, but now every time I just put my hand on him (like on his chest) he already thinks I'm up for a HJ and guides my hand over there, when all I actually wanted was to snuggle a little. He also used to care a lot if I enjoy it or not and he'd go out of his way to make it fun for me as well, but now it seems like "as long as it doesn't hurt her, she'll live". He hates when other men look at me but has no problem talking about all of his female friends and a 1000 ex-girlfriends.
He is my first in every possible way (my first kiss, first closest thing to a boyfriend, first person I've slept with etc.) and I feel attached but also confused about his real intentions.
There is a huge gap in experience and I'm afraid that maybe that is the cause... I don't really know how to behave around a guy and what is "normal" (is sleeping with him EVERY time we meet normal?). Please help.Are we a couple?or just FWB?(friends with benefits)Is introducing him as my boyfriend after one month is wrong/weird?
Oh good grief...
First of all, it's only been a month since you met him - how much "definition" is a relationship going to have in that short of a time frame.
And secondly, you slept with him WAY too soon, so odds are you are only a booty call to him at this point. Many young women make this mistake.
Live and learn. PLEASE love yourself better than this.
He is my first in every possible way (my first kiss, first closest thing to a boyfriend, first person I've slept with etc.) and I feel attached but also confused about his real intentions.
There is a huge gap in experience and I'm afraid that maybe that is the cause... I don't really know how to behave around a guy and what is "normal" (is sleeping with him EVERY time we meet normal?). Please help.Are we a couple?or just FWB?(friends with benefits)Is introducing him as my boyfriend after one month is wrong/weird?
Why don't you just ASK him where you guys stand?
Seriously. What's the problem here? Don't you have any girlfriends in real life you can have this discussion with?
ASK THE MAN YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH WHAT HE CONSIDERS YOU GUYS AS!!!
Sheesh.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)..."
) or because I actually start believing what he's saying 
