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Old 03-01-2012, 08:24 AM
 
172 posts, read 285,010 times
Reputation: 117

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
If your going to get married what's the problem? There's no reason to meet the daughter or be around his grandson. As mentioned you do need to protect your career because all it takes is an accusation.
As for accepting the good and bad all I can say is HECK NO...

The daughter is grown. Her relationship is with the father and not the daughter and her son. If the daughter would call the police on her own father what is she capable of doing to his lady friend? At a certain point in life we have to ask ourselves why put up with crazy drama? At age 50, 70 is only 20 years way. At age 55, 70 is 15 years way. There comes a time in life when people have to enjoy life as much as they can because time marches on and the later years things break down and people slow down.... I say stop living the lives of others and live your life on your terms.. No more drama..


Mary J Blige - No More Drama - YouTube
I could not have said it any better! Thanks for the youtube clip
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:40 AM
 
22,137 posts, read 20,508,859 times
Reputation: 13036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicegurl View Post
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past three months. I am 50 and he is 55. We treat each other wonderfully and have a loving and happy relationship. The problem is that he has a 24 year-old daughter whom he says has issues, needs therapy, and feels and acts as though he owes her something. She has a four year-old son by a loser guy who beat her, sells drugs, and is in and out of prison. The little boy (whom I met) is extremely well behaved and well mannered, which seems to be a result of my boyfriend's influence rather that the daughter...who often leaves the boy with her dad while she goes out and does who knows what. My boyfriend loves his grandson; however, his daughter uses the child to manipulate him into getting her way. She once got mad at him for not getting her way and called the police on him. Frustrated with her behavior, he often complains about her, but does nothing to change their dysfunctional relationship (he says that he feels guilty because of the divorce). He told me that the daughter (who resented the fact that her parents got divorced a few years ago) has tried to sabatoge his romantic relationships in the past by leaving the grandson with him to babysit, and not coming home at night, which resulted in him having to cancel scheduled dates. He also said the she has never liked any of the women that he's dated in the past. Her mom, who hasn't seen her daughter or her grandson in about four years, has since remarried lives on the other side of the country.

Unless he asks for my advice, I keep my mouth shut about their relationship. I have spoken to the daughter on the phone once (she was polite but standoffish), but have not yet met her. At some point, my boyfriend wants me to meet her, but based upon everything that he's told me about her, I would rather not. Since the daughter and her son have moved back in with him (she works part-time and goes to school in the evenings), I have not gone to his house (my choice). Instead, he comes and spends the weekend with me at my home. We sometimes go hiking, biking, or take little trips and have a great time laughing and talking together--which I love.

My question: Since this guy treats me like gold, and I am happy with the relationship (so is he), would it be selfish of me to choose not to meet the daughter? We both have been married before and have no desire to marry or live together. Although I have no children of my own, I am around them daily due to being a special education teacher. I live a peaceful, drama, free life, and would like to keep it that way My concern is that if she called the police on her own father, how do I know that she wouldn't do the same to me?? I have a teaching credential and would not want to jeopardize my livelihood over a jealous daughter. She knows very little about me, and I would like to keep it that way.
When I was dating, I met a wonderful and very kind and handsome man, who was extremely caring and considerate. However, he owned a daughter just like the one you describe...and was constantly complaining about her, but did everything wrong and enabled her behavior. I couldn't deal with it, and knew, there would be extreme problems down the road, so when he phoned me, it was very difficult, but told him, we had nothing in common and I just couldn't continue seeing him any longer. He was just like the man you describe...

Honey, let me tell you, no matter how good your relationship is, if your boyfriend continues this behavior, and he will, b/c he does not know any other way to be, it will destroy the both of you....

I would move on...b/c this daughter will be in his life until the day he dies, and she will rob him of any happiness...she is using him and he is allowing it....and he won't change. Sorry, but those are the cold hard facts...and if you think it is bad now, wait, b/c shen she realizes you are becoming an item in his life, she will make it miserable for you and he to have a life together...I'm very very sorry.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:51 AM
 
172 posts, read 285,010 times
Reputation: 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
When I was dating, I met a wonderful and very kind and handsome man, who was extremely caring and considerate. However, he owned a daughter just like the one you describe...and was constantly complaining about her, but did everything wrong and enabled her behavior. I couldn't deal with it, and knew, there would be extreme problems down the road, so when he phoned me, it was very difficult, but told him, we had nothing in common and I just couldn't continue seeing him any longer. He was just like the man you describe...

Honey, let me tell you, no matter how good your relationship is, if your boyfriend continues this behavior, and he will, b/c he does not know any other way to be, it will destroy the both of you....

I would move on...b/c this daughter will be in his life until the day he dies, and she will rob him of any happiness...she is using him and he is allowing it....and he won't change. Sorry, but those are the cold hard facts...and if you think it is bad now, wait, b/c shen she realizes you are becoming an item in his life, she will make it miserable for you and he to have a life together...I'm very very sorry.
Thank you for sharing this with me. Your comments are well taken. Are you my boyfriend's ex girlfriend?? <bad attempt at humor, I know> Nothing lasts forever.... Things are going well right now...So I'll simply enjoy the ride until it's time to get off.
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Old 03-01-2012, 09:01 AM
 
22,137 posts, read 20,508,859 times
Reputation: 13036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicegurl View Post
Thank you for sharing this with me. Your comments are well taken. Are you my boyfriend's ex girlfriend?? <bad attempt at humor, I know> Nothing lasts forever.... Things are going well right now...So I'll simply enjoy the ride until it's time to get off.
LOL, no, this was like 12 years ago....but, he was exactly like your boyfriend, remember, we all own our own culture...and this is one pattern that is hard to break, it's called, "enabling your kids". She knows he feels guilty, so she is going to use that...to the point where she will even threaten him using her child as bait...this is very unhealthy...and sorry to say, but he is way to weak...as long as she is in his life, he will be unable to be healthy material for any other relationship...and when she isn't around, he will be going over and over what he must have done wrong to cause this, or hurting a lot b/c he can't tell her, Listen, you may be my daughter, but you either act like it or get out of my life...I owe you nothing, you owe me nothing, but respect and if you continue this behavior, I'll leave and you'll never find me again. Sometimes you've got to make decissions that are really difficult to make...and remember, peace at all costs is no peace at all.

Hugs and I'm very sorry your dealing with this. But find someone who doesn't own so much baggage, b/c life is way to short...oh, and one more thing, now, I wish I would have told this man why I was ending it. It might have helped, might not have, but at least I would have been honest with him...his daughter was going to move in with him...she wouldn't work, she was on anti depressents...both drugs from the doctor and off the streets...no sir, I didn't want any part of that kind of life....there are so so so many underlying problems that can arise from this...."no thank you".
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