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Is it mainly the fact that he is unemployed that is bothering you right now? Is it mostly the money issue and the fact that he is not contributing? I don't think it is the smoking as much as it is the money issue . . .is that correct?
If that is the case and he was gainfully employed or won the lottery, would this still be an issue, or not?
I am trying to suggest that it might not be the smoking that is bothering you as much as his lack of contribution and his syphoning money out of the family account to pursue his own interest (in this case, smoking, but it sounds like he could be using the money for anything and it would be that imbalance that might be the problem).
It is really gross that you have an old carpet, old bed, etc. - and everything is smoke saturated and he doesn't care because he can't smell it - that stuff is toxic and dirty and the residue builds up, as you know . . . not a pretty way to live - and he would have no appreciation for that.
I think you two should pursue counseling over this issue - it is multifaceted - his selfishness, lack of concern for his or your health, the imbalance in contributions to the family, his entitlement (claiming the unemployment money is his, while the money you earn is family money), his lack of troubleshooting, re: how to get a new bed, get rid of the old carpet, etc. - these are issues a therapist might be able to help you sort out. As it stands now, he has all the leverage, because he just does what he wants and you have to accept it (or so you feel - that is why you feel trapped) . . .
I think you have to figure out some options for yourself . . . can he go live with someone else for awhile - sort of like sending an errant teenager to live with a relative?
One of you mentioned buying a carton of cigarettes for $16, another mentioned buying a carton for $30. I decided to go to the nearby smokeshop to see if there was a cheaper alternative.
I was referring to buying them online, pretty much any store you go to it is going to be expensive.
I don't think rolling your own cigarettes is illegal in Wisconsin, I did a search on google and nothing popped up, also it just doesn't make sense. I'd look into both of those things to help you save money.
Also, there's nothing wrong with trying to get him to quit, but just make sure you do it in an encouraging way. If you aren't encouraging it just makes things even harder. Nicotine addiction is no joke, and it really messes with your mind on all levels.
The only thing wrong with your original question is that you failed to put an 'X' in front of the word 'husband'. See, if you had done that, you wouldn't need to worry how he spends his money.
Keep separate checking/bank accounts, insist that he kick in his share for the house/kids, and don't waste time trying to change him.
At the very least, rip that old carpet out. Just get rid of it. It could be really negatively impacting your health. Hopefully you have decent floors under it, but even if you don't - I would make that a major priority.
One of you mentioned buying a carton of cigarettes for $16, another mentioned buying a carton for $30. I decided to go to the nearby smokeshop to see if there was a cheaper alternative.
Be glad that you don't live in Wisconsin with our sky-high cigarette taxes.
A carton of Camels cost $71.45 and their cheapest cigarettes, Pyramid cost $53.85 a carton. This place didn't have "roll it yourself" option. It may not be legal in our state.
Thank you for the suggestions. I think that I was over reacting a little this morning. I was trying to figure out how to pay the bills (actually the minimum on as many bills as possible) and there were two cartons on cigarettes sitting on our table (which I now know cost $142.90) that my husband had just purchased when he cashed his unemployment check. So, I was pretty annoyed.
Thanks again for the suggestions.
There are other sources. I used to buy mine online, from this site. Look at the prices here:
I stopped doing it because they were supposed to fold since mailing vicious cigarettes is considered "smuggling" these day, but it's been many months since then and they still appear to be in business. I assume the other online retailers are in business as well, but I haven't done much research since I started buying my cigs locally.
One of you mentioned buying a carton of cigarettes for $16, another mentioned buying a carton for $30. I decided to go to the nearby smokeshop to see if there was a cheaper alternative.
Be glad that you don't live in Wisconsin with our sky-high cigarette taxes.
A carton of Camels cost $71.45 and their cheapest cigarettes, Pyramid cost $53.85 a carton. This place didn't have "roll it yourself" option. It may not be legal in our state.
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Wow, those are high prices. Sometimes the smoke shops are not the cheapest places. Are you near the border where you can go to another State?
In my area, Pyramid are $22.00 and the Pall Mall are $16. Yes, Camel and all other name brands are ridiculously high. If truth be known, the tobacco all comes from the same place.
I sometimes get coffin nails from the commissary for my FIL...the cheapest I can find is $28/carton. He gets about 8-10 cartons at a time....that will last him about 2 1/2 months.
My husband is a long time smoker. He claimed that he needed to smoke due to job stress. I didn't like it before but now the situation is worse. Cigarettes are at an all time high cost & he spends $75 to $100 on them each week. He has been unemployed for over a year and that is almost 1/3 of his entire weekly unemployment check. He says that it is "hismoney" and he can do whatever he wants with it. Well, the money from my retirement pension is the money used to pay the mortgage, the utility bills, car insurance, etc. In addition I also work almost full time to pay for the day to day expenses of food, clothes, etc. I don't think of it as "my money" but our money. My husband has always considered money that I earned or received as gifts as "family money".
If he stopped smoking we could pay off one of our credit cards or use the money in many different ways. I also feel that it is inconsiderate of him to me as I am greatly bothered by second-hand smoke (eye & throat irritation, etc). This has gotten much worse over the years (probably because the smoke smell has settled in our furniture, car, carpet, etc.).
Smoking may be directly effecting his health. He was in the hospital twice with severe pneumonia.
It is upsetting to me that my husband has $4,000 to $5,000 just "going up in smoke" every year when we can't afford things like a comfortable bed (our mattress is 24 years old) or to fix the broken side mirror on the car, or to replace our damaged old carpet (also 24 years old), or pay off the dentist for my husbands extensive dental work or to go on a vacation to visit relatives. I might feel a little differently if he had a good job and that $4,000 -$5,000 a year was extra "fun money" not money needed for bills. But we are barely scaping by paying our bills.
He says that I am being unreasonable to ask him to quit. And I think that he is being unreasonable not to quit smoking.
I am at a loss what to do. Ideas? Suggestions? Thanks.
It sounds like you have lost respect for you husband and that is something hard to come back from. You might not. He has also lost respect for himself by thinking the mailbox is his employer. If he doesn't get it soon, you will end up despising him because that "mailbox" paycheck will quit coming and he won't have changed and YOU will be paying for that habit. Set your foot down now and quit enabling.
A bad bed equals bad sleep and all that entails........
If that is the case and he was gainfully employed or won the lottery, would this still be an issue, or not?
I'm guessing it still will be.
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these day, but it's been many months since then and they still appear to be in business. I assume the other online retailers are in business as well, but I haven't done much research since I started buying my cigs locally.
