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It's amazing how women's viewpoints will take another spin on this. A man who knew this would have been coming down the pike would have NEVER impregnated a woman who would leave him for a woman. Who wants to go over on a Saturday morning to pick up their kids while someone's ex-wife is sitting there having coffee with her short-haired girlfriend wearing a plaid shirt and industrial boots? Ditto for the role reversal. Dina McGreevey, NJ's former First Lady, said she would never have borne Jim McGreevey's offspring had she known. It's not about abandoning children, it's about not having wanted them in the first place...and then have to pay a penalty.
I say bring on the DINK scenario (Dual Income, No Kids). These marriages tend to last longer and, when they fall apart, the judge says sell your things, split everything 50:50, and go your own way!
My viewpoint is the same regardless of whether the mom or dad does the abandoning. You can't stuff a child back up there, sorry. I don't care how much hatred a person has toward a former spouse; disowning and abandoning a child out of spite is a cold, ugly thing to do. It doesn't matter whose boots are at the foot of your wife's new bed. Here's an idea: get custody of the kids and sue HER for child support.
Here's an idea: get custody of the kids and sue HER for child support.
Absolutely. Abso-frickin'-lutely. That's ideally the way it should go.
But in today's namby-pamby politically correct times and with non-traditional families getting the "oh, good for you" pat on the back, this isn't likely to go through. Mama and her new friend will get to keep the kids, especially pre age 18. Let's not be in denial about this.
Absolutely. Abso-frickin'-lutely. That's ideally the way it should go.
But in today's namby-pamby politically correct times and with non-traditional families getting the "oh, good for you" pat on the back, this isn't likely to go through. Mama and her new friend will get to keep the kids, especially pre age 18. Let's not be in denial about this.
"Kids, I wanted custody because I love you, but I didn't get it so I don't want to have anything to do with you. Oh, and I don't want to pay child support because I hate your mom and I wish you were never born."
Can't wrap my head around it, sorry. I can somewhat understand the frustration of paying alimony for an ex who won't remarry in order to keep getting the monthly check, but punishing a child because his mom left his dad for someone else is anathema to me.
I agree with what's been said about young girls being swayed by society into the "coolness" of lesbianism and bisexuality. I don't want to address this. I think experimenting when you are younger is normal and if you're making out with a girl to get a guy's attention then all power to you.
I understand from a scientific point of view, that our society must be labelled. Labelled by race, gender, socio-economic status, sexual orientation etc. For the purpose of health studies or statistcs or whatnot.
However, we the CD forum, are regular people that have nothing better to do then read and post on this forum, my question is, why do we need such strict labels? Religous beliefs and political swayings aside, why does any one person, care about another person's sexual exploits?
I am a believer in the "spectrum theory" (see below). First, I think each one of us fits somewhere on that spectrum. Second, I think we find our place on the spectrum at different speeds. Certain people realize they are gay at 5 years old, others come to accept it at 30. Yet others realize that a swinger lifestyle is for them like Dental and his wife. The woman wants to and is happy being in a relationship with a man, but also likes the sexual pleasure of being with a woman. Someone else also posted that they had fantasized about women, but to actually get into bed with them was "ick." I say first don't knock it till you try it but either way, that is just another location on the spectrum.
What I have come to learn is that we are humans and sex is in our most primative nature. After all, the purpose of us is to reproduce and continue the species. And please don't tell me that all throughout our past men have never had sex with men and women with women. It was just not custom to create a family that way, whatever family was at the time. However, in modern society I don't think procreation for the purpose of keeping the species alive is of any concern. Humans have fought for rights for along time and living with the person you love is now possible.
Anyway, I think we all express our sexualilty differently. I think we all like to talk, make comments, pass judgements and critisize, but in my opinion part of the disagreement stems from the fact that many people have only been straight never experiencing the other sex. For example, take a girl who is married and has 2 kids. She's never experinced sex with a woman, and can say it's "ick" or wahtever, but how can she pass judgement on something she hasn't experienced. It could in fact turn out "ick" or she could get aroused and have the best time of her life. Is she gay, straight or somewhere in between? Does it matter? On the other hand, the opinions of those of us that have had both, are treated as being biased.
I am speaking from somewhat personal experience. I was with a man for 8 years. I loved him and now have respect for him. I had thought about girls here or there but thought to act on it would be weird or wrong or whatever. I once sat on a 10 hour plane trip across from this girl and I remember being so attracted to her, sexually attracted...I couldn't get my eyes off of her the entire time...I was probably 16. Never gave that a second thought until like 10 years later, I started thinking about girls more and more. Long story short, I met a girl, she rocked my world and I truly love her. Do I consider myself a lesbian? I don't know. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if she hadn't come along. I probably would have had another relationship with a man. Could I have been happy? Sure. As happy as I am now? I don't see why not. But I met this wonderful woman and now I'm happy with her.
I don't like labels. I feel they are judgemental and inaccurate. We are all human beings after all.
"Do I consider myself a lesbian? I don't know."
Good points. In my opinion your Bi if you were ever excited by a man. Your lack of saying you are not 100% sure you are a Lesbian flys in the face of the whole Myth that "Bisexual woman" are just Lesbians who are afraid to commit, or you don't want to be ostrocized by society so your riding the fence. Ive been with enough Bi women to know the varibility that exist in that nature: Any where from "I admire her breasts" types to your the first man Ive been with in years. Human sexuality runs the whole gammit and just when you think you have it all down you will find a new one.
"I don't like labels."
The Gay and Lesbian community adheres to as many labels and Stereotypes as the straight community does if not more. I can bring up many examples but I'm sure you know more than I do.
Your probably a good example of the fluidity that people bring up often. Labels of course go with a sense of belonging and without you can't have order. It just invites anarchy anyway. It's kind of like voting for a
Libertarian, we know we want it, but can we live with the loss of order that comes with it.
"Kids, I wanted custody because I love you, but I didn't get it so I don't want to have anything to do with you. Oh, and I don't want to pay child support because I hate your mom and I wish you were never born."
Can't wrap my head around it, sorry. I can somewhat understand the frustration of paying alimony for an ex who won't remarry in order to keep getting the monthly check, but punishing a child because his mom left his dad for someone else is anathema to me.
My opinion on establishing fault in divorce goes back to when I was a kid, seeing this from the "shelter" of a nuclear family. And this is before the sexual preference dimension got into this equation. I think that the blameworthy party needs to make some good financial arrangements, regardless of gender. My opinion has not changed and I will not be convinced otherwise. "Financial consequences" is often the #1 reason men avoid or postpone marriage, or avoid having children. With scenarios like this, who would want to?
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but either way, that is just another location on the spectrum.
