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My daughter and her boyfriend shared an apartment for a year, but they were engaged (they are now married and bought a house). She says she would not have had that arrangement if they hadn't been serious about getting married. Her boyfriend's (now husband's) mother? She would have disowned him if he had planned on "shacking up" with my daughter for ten years or more. We (DH and I) were far more accepting of the year's arrangement than she was.
Marriage is a big step, though, as is divorce (I worked for an attorney for ten years). We've had clients who after 20 years of marriage thought they could just get it "annulled" (which doesn't work in this state, unless the parties are blood relatives, certified insane, etc.) Some thought it would just involve preparing an order, taking it to the courthouse for a judge's signature, and voila, you're divorced. Asset and debt division and settlement negotiations can be brutal (and costly). In some divorce cases, the parties racked up thousands of dollars in additional attorney's fees on top of the initial retainer (a no-fault divorce retainer was $850.00, and they were RARELY no-fault), to the tune of $150.00 per hour (and the attorney I worked for was adept at padding the hours).
Oh I totally understand your daughter's situation. I think it was smart that she lived with him for a year & was engaged...I was referring more to the folks that do this as a revolving door, LOL. I know a woman (a cousin actually) that has shuffled her 2 kids around from state to state following different husbands ... I realize marriage is a huge step; it looks like they make it difficult on purpose to divorce to maybe deter people from jumping into things? But a lot of what I see is people marrying the wrong person from the jump and then blaming it on the concept of marriage. Like they knew for years this man was a heavy drinker or this woman had 4 kids & 3 baby daddies. Then they file for divorce because she can't stand his drinking like a fish and he's tired of the drama with the kids' mothers. It's like you knew these things before hand -- what did you marry them for?? But I assume this downing of marriage happens b/c one bad experience, paints the entire picture -- which I'm not going to talk about people who do that, LOL.....
[quote=Rakin;23239027]After many years in a great marriage, I'd probably never marry again either. There is a certain age where separate households should be maintained and no reason to merge property and assets.
Outside of the personal aspect, Marriage is a legal & business commitment. It does establish a needed family unit when the desire to have kids exists.
When someone gets around 55 and older, there's not much need to "Tie the knot".
loose cannon...to each their own I guess.....we moved in together after a month...6 years later we got married.......personally I agree with the Taoist Dude...I'm on the other side...I'm thinking living together BEFORE you tie the knott is the best way to go....if you can't get along with each other BEFORE you get married...that ceremony and piece of paper won't change anything.
While I do not support Santorum and other similar Christian Right goons, I still have some socially conservative views. The difference is I have no interest in legislating or passing laws that regulate behavior. I can still comment on behavior I do not agree with. Here goes, I am not a cohabitation person. Some guy who just was released from jail meets up with a woman and moves in with her. I understand he knew her before, but even so this is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is a dude who met some woman online from across the country and within weeks they are moving in together. What is the rush? Why do people just jump the gun and start shacking up. I will never do it. Even if I am in a serious relationship, you have your place, and I have mine. Of course I'll have sex, but no permanent living arrangement will be agreed upon until there is an actual commitment leading to marriage.
I lived with my H before we got married and I should have lived with him longer.... I might have been smart enough to NOT marry him! I am now a widow and I live with a great man. We CAN'T get married because it would cut our prospective Social Security benefits. We would marry if we could but we can't justify losing the income for a piece of paper.
There are lots of reasons to live together rather than marry.
The reality for many folks "shacking up", is the economy, and surviving. There are lots of low paying jobs, and you can't make rent, car payment, live well on one small income. Two incomes is better. Plus, if one person gets laid off, the other can help support him/her until he/ she lands another job. People are not getting married, because it complicates benefits...or maybe they don't want a long term commitment.
I see it less of a moral issue, and more of a reality of harsh economic times.
While I do not support Santorum and other similar Christian Right goons, I still have some socially conservative views. The difference is I have no interest in legislating or passing laws that regulate behavior. I can still comment on behavior I do not agree with. Here goes, I am not a cohabitation person. Some guy who just was released from jail meets up with a woman and moves in with her. I understand he knew her before, but even so this is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is a dude who met some woman online from across the country and within weeks they are moving in together. What is the rush? Why do people just jump the gun and start shacking up. I will never do it. Even if I am in a serious relationship, you have your place, and I have mine. Of course I'll have sex, but no permanent living arrangement will be agreed upon until there is an actual commitment leading to marriage.
It is good to see a poster on here that uses good judgement and says what they think! I'm not one for shacking up either, but I don't agree with a lot of things people do.
One thing I see quite often is seniors "shacking up". They lost a spouse, and find another one. They are happy, and don't get married due to financial issues. For sure, there are no illegitmate kids from those unions.
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... I realize marriage is a huge step; it looks like they make it difficult on purpose to divorce to maybe deter people from jumping into things? But a lot of what I see is people marrying the wrong person from the jump and then blaming it on the concept of marriage. Like they knew for years this man was a heavy drinker or this woman had 4 kids & 3 baby daddies. Then they file for divorce because she can't stand his drinking like a fish and he's tired of the drama with the kids' mothers. 
It's like you knew these things before hand -- what did you marry them for?? But I assume this downing of marriage happens b/c one bad experience, paints the entire picture -- which I'm not going to talk about people who do that, LOL.....
Relationships > living together
