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So I recently moved back to my hometown of Orlando to attend school, Im going to be studying 3-D animation, I currently live at home with my mom, brother, and sister
Once I finish school I plan to get a job and eventually my own house or apartment. Now here is the kicker
My father passed on 3 months ago and my 16 year old brother is the beneficiary to his social security (my dad was in his mid 40s when I was born, Im now 22) and that Social Security cash of $1400 a month stops when he turns 18.
My mom has been out of work for sometime, she is in her mid 50s now, and I am her oldest child. I have a 20 year old sister as well. And I know she will not take my mom in (since no money coming in, where will my mom live) and my brother will be 18 and will be attending college in North Carolina, so that leaves me the oldest to look after her
Now my question for the ladies in their 20s, if you're dating a guy, who has a good paying job (like I will be when Im done with school) a nice place and a nice car, but his mother lives with him (but he is in charge of all the rent and bills) would that be a deal breaker for you? Or if you knew the situation (chronically unemployed Mom, whose son won't let her be homeless) would you understand?
I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean by "a deal breaker". Unless there is something amiss I would date most guys once or twice. But if I could see certain things were going to be problematic in the future, I might be inclined to shut things down sooner rather than later. A guy who could not get away from his mother for perhaps years might be such an example. It wouldn't matter whether it's his fault or the mother's. The guy might be a nice person but the attached mother might very well be... yes, a deal breaker.
I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean by "a deal breaker". Unless there is something amiss I would date most guys once or twice. But if I could see certain things were going to be problematic in the future, I might be inclined to shut things down sooner rather than later. A guy who could not get away from his mother for perhaps years might be such an example. It wouldn't matter whether it's his fault or the mother's. The guy might be a nice person but the attached mother might very well be... yes, a deal breaker.
I have no problem living away from family.
My family has lived in Florida since 1995, and for two years I was clear on the other side of the country in Las Vegas
I have no problem getting away from my mom again, but if she's going to run into some financial trouble best believe I will be there for her
I may move to back to Las Vegas once I finish school, if she runs into trouble in Orlando, I'll have her move out there with me
So I recently moved back to my hometown.. I currently live at home with my mom, brother, and sister...
..I am her oldest child. I have a 20 year old sister as well. And I know she will not take my mom in (since no money coming in, where will my mom live) and my brother will be 18 and will be attending college in North Carolina, so that leaves me the oldest to look after her
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavieJ89
I KNOW FOR A FACT my brother and sister will not help me out. They are the two most selfish people I have ever met
Quote:
Originally Posted by DavieJ89
I have no problem living away from family.
My family has lived in Florida since 1995, and for two years I was clear on the other side of the country in Las Vegas
Wait -
Why are you calling your siblings "the two most selfish people I have ever met" just at the notion that your brother will move away to attend college, and your sister "won't have money coming in," - yet you're the one who moved away for two years and "recently" returned..?
Why are you calling your siblings "the two most selfish people I have ever met" just at the notion that your brother will move away to attend college, and your sister "won't have money coming in," - yet you're the one who moved away for two years and "recently" returned..?
My sister DOES have money coming in...she STILL would not help my mom in that situation. My brother cannot take her in because he will only be able to work part time being a full time student and all, and even if he could, he wouldnt either. You dont know my family dude
And when I moved away, my father was (what we thought) in good health and was earning enough money to keep the family afloat. I chose to move away because I wanted to do something new in life. Before I moved away I was contributing to the household, helping with bills and groceries and what not, so I think I'm hardly selfish
And why are you respoonding to this thread if you're not offering an opinion? You're just stirring the pot
I'm 27 and it wouldn't be a huge issue for me. But if I were you, I'd focus more on school and helping your mom find her way rather than getting too serious with anyone. Maybe she could start her own business or do non-medical care taking work, they are always hiring.
This is not something to be ashamed about nor does it have to be shared with someone you're only casually seeing. Not much different from having roommates which puts a crimp on one's alone time with an S.O. American's do have that shallow stigma but with the economy the way it is, there are a lot of kids (even in their 40's+) who move back in with their parents. The difference is you are taking care of her. Anyone who allows this to be a deal breaker isn't worth a second thought.
It depends on the girl..... Some would be put off or some might think its sweet that you are taking care of your mother. If you are embarrassed that your mom is staying over your place ....dont have the girl over. Because it sounds like you are.
Not embarassed at all sarah....it was just a simple question, id look out for my mom either way whether its a deal breaker for whatever woman is in my life or not
I'm 27 and it wouldn't be a huge issue for me. But if I were you, I'd focus more on school and helping your mom find her way rather than getting too serious with anyone. Maybe she could start her own business or do non-medical care taking work, they are always hiring.
This is not something to be ashamed about nor does it have to be shared with someone you're only casually seeing. Not much different from having roommates which puts a crimp on one's alone time with an S.O. American's do have that shallow stigma but with the economy the way it is, there are a lot of kids (even in their 40's+) who move back in with their parents. The difference is you are taking care of her. Anyone who allows this to be a deal breaker isn't worth a second thought.
You'd be surprised how many girls I know offline who said this would be a deal breaker for them. When I asked why they said that when it came to getting it on, that doing the dew if Mom is in the house, whether I'm looking after her or not, would make them feel "uncomfortable and slutty"as one put it
So I recently moved back to my hometown of Orlando to attend school, Im going to be studying 3-D animation, I currently live at home with my mom, brother, and sister
Once I finish school I plan to get a job and eventually my own house or apartment. Now here is the kicker
My father passed on 3 months ago and my 16 year old brother is the beneficiary to his social security (my dad was in his mid 40s when I was born, Im now 22) and that Social Security cash of $1400 a month stops when he turns 18.
My mom has been out of work for sometime, she is in her mid 50s now, and I am her oldest child. I have a 20 year old sister as well. And I know she will not take my mom in (since no money coming in, where will my mom live) and my brother will be 18 and will be attending college in North Carolina, so that leaves me the oldest to look after her
Now my question for the ladies in their 20s, if you're dating a guy, who has a good paying job (like I will be when Im done with school) a nice place and a nice car, but his mother lives with him (but he is in charge of all the rent and bills) would that be a deal breaker for you? Or if you knew the situation (chronically unemployed Mom, whose son won't let her be homeless) would you understand?
I'm a couple of years out of my 20's, but I think that this is a wonderful thing that you're planning on doing for your mother.
If your mom is the type that keeps to herself and will respect your alone time when you have visitors, then I wouldn't see it as a deal breaker...especially if everything else is in order as you've stated (good job, stable, etc.) Best wishes with everything!!
You'd be surprised how many girls I know offline who said this would be a deal breaker for them. When I asked why they said that when it came to getting it on, that doing the dew if Mom is in the house, whether I'm looking after her or not, would make them feel "uncomfortable and slutty"as one put it
Yep. I don't know about slutty, but definitely uncomfortable. It's something that can be adjusted to over time, but there has a to be a good reason to put in the effort to deal with it when there's many people out there who don't have a live-in parent. Basically, it's just another check mark in the CON column of the PROS/CONS list that women make in their mind when they consider a long-term relationship with you. Even the women who admire you for it don't want Mom in the next room when you're getting it on, it's a huge mood ruiner.
I also disagree with a previous poster that says it's "just like" having a roommate. No way - it's way more uncomfortable when you know the MOM of the person you're about to sleep with is in the next room than if you know your twenty-something buddy who is mentally high-fiveing you through the wall is in the next room.
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