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So I have been dating this girl since January and she's the best girl I've been with thus far. She hasn't given me a reason not to trust her, but her ex still has feelings for her. Her ex cheated on her. So she is friends with a cousin of her ex and they were at a party. She tells me that her ex still wants to be with her. I told her that it makes me uncomfortable. I have very little relationship experience and I have always felt this way when people bring up the past. Like I don't understand why someone would still keep in contact with their
ex. So she texted me saying she wants to stop dating. I told her I will call her so we can talk.
I am shy and often keep my feelings inside so I thought it was a good idea to say something. I didn't mean for her to feel upset but I just wanted to be open about my feelings. Obviously I can't help if her ex contacts her but I just don't understand why everyone that I've dated always brings up an ex or keeps in contact. I do like her and want to be with her so I'm just looking for some suggestions. She said she doesn't want to hide anything from me. But I think she's telling me too much.
She wants to stop dating you and possibly go back to the ex? Ah, you can't fix stupid.
Or did she get upset that you said it made you feel uncomfortable? That's normal and she would say the same if she was in your place.
You haven't dated for long and it looks like you got the unfortunate task of being a rebound.
I can't give you any answers as to why someone would defend or even talk to an ex that cheated on them unless they had kids. Some people just love drama and think it's love.
There's nothing wrong with being in contact with an ex as long as both have genuinely moved on and only have completely platonic feelings for each other. Since that is not the case here and her ex has feelings for her, she really should not have been in contact with him. Why did she feel the need to be? Either she still has feelings for him as well or she likes the attention. Given the fact that she broke up with you over merely expressing your discomfort over the situation, I would lean towards the former option. Either way, you're better off without her.
She wants to stop dating you and possibly go back to the ex? Ah, you can't fix stupid.
Or did she get upset that you said it made you feel uncomfortable? That's normal and she would say the same if she was in your place.
You haven't dated for long and it looks like you got the unfortunate task of being a rebound.
I can't give you any answers as to why someone would defend or even talk to an ex that cheated on them unless they had kids. Some people just love drama and think it's love.
She's upset bc she feels like she can't be open and honest with me. But I think that's a bit much. I'd rather not know about her ex.
First off, considering that he still has feelings for her (and she readily admitted that) she should opt to cut ties with her ex HERSELF. You can't force it, but don't apologize to her for this because you're in the right.
How long ago was it they were together?
Second, you have to decide what it is that would make you happy. Would you want her to not be friends with his cousin either? And if not, what should she do if she's visiting his cousin and he's there? Ignore him? Leave immediately? These are the little details you need to iron out.
Also, she said she wanted to stop dating. Unless you were RUDE to her about the subject (or there is some other reason she wants to end it), I consider that immature on her part. And especially with you being shy and not outspoken, you need to guard your dignity. Don't be making ultimatums for her, but don't let her call all the shots either. You're both equally entitled to your own happiness.
Finally, props to you for being open and honest about your feelings! Not doing so would be wasting time. I've been with way too many women who pretended to agree with me on something just because they liked me, only for the relationship to fall apart when they got tired of doing so.
My personal rule: I won't date a girl who keeps in contact with exes (or anyone) she's had a sexual relationship with, unless they had a kid together. And even then, it should be about the kid.
She's upset bc she feels like she can't be open and honest with me. But I think that's a bit much. I'd rather not know about her ex.
Both are extremes: saying everything and saying nothing. There should be a balance - which admittedly is hard to establish sometimes. You wouldn't want to be ordered to keep a lid on something that bothers you, neither. Her wanting to discuss to every little detail under the sheet is overload, as well. Seems that both of you need some maturity: to be able to know just how much to say, and be strong enough to listen to the people's pasts without getting upset.
Both are extremes: saying everything and saying nothing. There should be a balance - which admittedly is hard to establish sometimes. You wouldn't want to be ordered to keep a lid on something that bothers you, neither. Her wanting to discuss to every little detail under the sheet is overload, as well. Seems that both of you need some maturity: to be able to know just how much to say, and be strong enough to listen to the people's pasts without getting upset.
True....I tend to get upset easily. Likely from not being "good enough " for anyone over the years. I just feel bad because I messed up and I really would consider her to be a gf.
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