What Would YOU do - help (men, gay, advice, divorce)

[JosephV55]

OMG... what a mess.

Get out now!

[Caltovegas]

Time out, Time out. It's seems more and more as I read many of these relationship threads I have to call for a PACKAGE CHECK. What is wrong with men in 2012? It's simple. The woman is playing you for a fool. You know she is but you just don't want to see it.

Here's what you should do. Leave her alone and find someone else. If she still comes around tell her your not playing any games because you don't need the drama. Your the man so be the man.. Woooooo (Rick Flair) Women do not respect men who let them run all over them..

[JanND]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

She isn't serious about you. I'm sorry it's taken you two years and an ended marriage to realize that.

And how much money?? Can you get that 10,000 back??? I think you have been played big time. There is no other way to see this. I hope you get some counseling right away, and move on. I'd get my money back!!

[bikerscape]

Originally Posted by JanND

And how much money?? Can you get that 10,000 back??? I think you have been played big time. There is no other way to see this. I hope you get some counseling right away, and move on. I'd get my money back!!

I ended up buying a spec house from the same builder for which they took the down payment on the other house into account.

[Urban Sasquatch]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

It will only end when you seek out some serious counseling to better understand WHY in the world you would volunteer to live this way.

You need professional guidance to get to the bottom of your issues and learn how to make healthy choices for yourself.

Please make an appt today.

^^^^
This.

For better or worse, we make some poor choices in life sometimes; it happens.

Sometimes those choices are emotional, and we truly CAN get caught up in a whirlwind of feelings, of choices, by things that seem like realizations at the time.


That doesn't make you a bad person.

However...


Actions speak louder than words. Things happen, we roll with the punches, and when the object of our affections gives us excuses, we WANT to believe those, and pursue that belief.

It allows such things to happen again.... and again.... and again. Little things, small delays... then larger.


There comes a time when you have to start waking up, REALLY asking yourself -- not your question of "will this ever end", but the REAL question concerning you and Mystery Woman:


IS this ever going to HAPPEN?



Because you've been keeping yourself -- yes, keeping YOURSELF on a roller-coaster since mid-2010.

You're approaching the two-year mark of what I can understand began as clumsy, not-optimal ENDINGS for two separate relationships in the semi-rushed, half-baked hope of beginning a third, the one where you two "felt like you never felt with anyone else before" and had this crazy dream for starting a life together, that dream life where everything was different.

Only...


You're still waiting. You've taken your steps, done your part, and even though STEPS have been taken on her part, those were taken with what appears to be reluctance.

And steps BACKWARD have been taken since.


You're going nowhere with this.


It IS time to wake up and either wash your hands and walk away, OR at least ask for concrete answers rather than hopes and vagaries.

Are you two going to ACTUALLY get together?

Has she said anything more promising than "I hope so"....?



I said at the beginning of this: For better or worse, we make some poor choices in life sometimes; it happens.


That doesn't mean you have to KEEP making them.

Your life is wasting away waiting on a woman who plans to keep dawdling. You know what separates that couple who GET together from that couple who aren't really a couple and do NOT get together?


Intent.

You're not a goal; you were a pleasant thing to make her feel special and occupy her time, an interactive daydream who provided attention.


Time to man up and walk away.

[akck]

Originally Posted by Celestyn

It's pretty obvious that she is trying to repair her old marriage and restore her family. You should call it quits and give her that chance. Take some time by yourself without a relationship to heal from your divorce before you go out and find someone new. Leave her to rebuild what she can with her ex.

Originally Posted by bikerscape

This might just be the right advice. Tho she keeps trying to convince me otherwise.

That's because you're the backup plan, in case things don't work out with her ex.

[recuerdeme]

Geez give me the abridged version shug.

So you're both cheaters justifying it because your marriages were/are rocky?

I can offer no help.

[VoyagerMan]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

She isn't serious about you. I'm sorry it's taken you two years and an ended marriage to realize that.

This! You were played for 2 years brother. I'm sorry you had to be put through this. Get away, stay away. She will NEVER EVER be exclusively yours and may end up back with the ex altogether anyway.

[blondiel]

Find yourself another man's wife and see if she wants to divorce her husband and live with you.

[bikerscape]

So I came back into town Sunday (flew) and took a cab to where i work to get my car (no way she would pick me up I figured, and she only said depends on whats going on, and never once again offered even tho reminded). I went directly to a pharmacy I use. This is in the new place. I then drove down to Lowes to get some light bulbs. It was interesting that the way I entered I had to go down a street westbound and went to do a U'ey and coming from the west headed east was her and her Ex in her car (him driving). They proceeded to go into Lowes and he opened her car door for her. I just sat out in the parking lot until they left. It was 5:40 pm. I then waited 40 minutes for them to come out. It was 6:20 pm. They loaded some plants and soil. She pushed 4 wheel cart back and he drove over to pick her up, she got in. IRONIC WHAT GOD SHOWS YOU IN SHORT ORDER...read on

At 5:15 i had messaged her - not knowing any of this... Hello ? Where r u ?

She responded at 6:28

"We just got home. Been at basketball scrimmage. I'm exhausted. XXXXX dealing with boys. Trying to fix bikes. Ive vomited about 5 times. Going to sleep for a while. There are 4 boys here." (she has 2)

Of course I called her a couple times to see if she would pick up. No answer. I'm sure was on silent.

Now her car seats at most 5 and her Ex at most 4. No one other than those two went into Lowes and there was no windows down and I saw no one else in the car. No way four boys in back.

I said "hope u feel better". And asked "4 boys ride in car with you ?"

She said "No, (youngest) rode with me. All others rode with XXXXX. They have been with him since yesterday, I think."

Then she said "You here safe". I said "yea". She said "Glad ur safe, have a nice nite".

The next day she said she was going out to get some sun and clean up some dead stuff in the flower beds and remove some leaves. Talked about getting furniture she had "...seen yester(stop), last week at lowes".

So probably just cleaning. Did say in conversation she had nothing to plant and I couldn't see close enough but know they had gotten some kinds of plants. So give her the benefit here...cause may just be potted things to set around.

So ... "IT CONTINUES". It is so hard to fly into town and see this and then see the white lies about what is going on. I have totally cared for this person so much and have given so much. It's so easy for her to say "...have a nice nite" - not knowing all the havoc that is tormenting my very being.

She wants me to continue living like this and quite frankly I can't take it anymore. She wants me to keep doing this for months and months and months meanwhile he has been over often this week. And will again be with her this weekend. And it's very obvious she is not telling me the full truth again. I feel so attracted to this person cause what we have was great and still feels like it could be great. Life just isn't fair. I really felt like I had found that one very special person, very unique and very compatible.

I just keep asking myself why won't she just love me and stop it with him. Based on what she says to me it sounds like she could. Based on what she has done for about 23 months with him always in her life to my exclusion - and continues too ... I'm thinking I'm a damn fool.

I even asked if I showed up what would you do - she said she would run me off cause she hasn't agreed to having me there. So face-to-face I would be shunned for him. :-(

BTW she and I had about 7 hours yesterday where we hung out together. Had a very great time. She was feeling tired and under the weather due to recent surgery and moving around a bit - walking. She was shaking. This is towards the end. Said she would really like to rest. Today she tells me on the way home last night she got VM off phone from Lowes calling and her outdoor furniture was in. So she went directly there last night and got her furniture. Her Ex and boys met her there. Right after we had been together for hours. Man that hurts esp cause I think she saw it shopping with him and denied that.

I know in my heart that this has got to end. I believe I'm being treated very badly. Tho I love her very much. I know I can't take it. There is no convincing her to make OUR relationship a priority. It is a priority issue. It's an issue of never being out in the open. It's all a consequence of him always being put before me in every situation. Even after divorce and my building house ... she saw and still thinks it's absolutely okay for her to and have spent those full days with him. She thinks it's reasonable for her to have him there so very much now. She doesn't even see how any of this should bother me much. There is no respect in this for me. She says it's all teaching him to be the dad he never was.