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Old 03-09-2012, 06:09 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,851 posts, read 18,012,271 times
Reputation: 18989

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as this thread progresses I am beginning to get a clearer picture of why the OPs daughter has these issues.

It seems the daughter has some very deep seated issues, presumably left over from her childhood. Let us ask what type of "adult" behavior by her parent(s) would have caused these kinds of "rebound" behaviors as a child. I would say that fear of abandonment would be NUMERO UNO on that list.

It sounds to me like love and affection was withheld as punishment for "bad behavior" in the past. She now feels that she will "do anything" to avoid feeling that way again. Even to the point of hastily having children so that someone will "love her forever".

One can only imagine the emotional pain she has endured in the past to get to this point.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,080 posts, read 942,283 times
Reputation: 844
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
I suppose it depends on the people you know. The people I know would be mortified to be in this category. Not to mention the fact that their parents would disown them. LOL

20yrsinBranson
"Their parents would disown them", yet my daughter has felt abandonment from me as a child. That's really funny. Did you sound that hypocritical on purpose?
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:27 PM
Status: "Life gives you what you need to awaken" (set 2 days ago)
 
8,768 posts, read 6,050,663 times
Reputation: 18390
Eventually we have to stop blaming our parents for the decisions we make as an adult.

Oh that we were all perfect parents.

Be there for your daughter and your grandkids, that's all you can do now Dad.
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:35 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,851 posts, read 18,012,271 times
Reputation: 18989
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
"Their parents would disown them", yet my daughter has felt abandonment from me as a child. That's really funny. Did you sound that hypocritical on purpose?
Nice try. You are pretty adept at turning a conversation around to make the other person feel like they are wrong. I bet this is especially effective on a little girl.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 03-09-2012, 07:51 PM
 
1,219 posts, read 742,680 times
Reputation: 913
Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
kiss my a$$.
Ou wee! And, I thought I was cold. I think they got your message, loud and clear.
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Old 03-09-2012, 08:48 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,038 posts, read 699,961 times
Reputation: 2063
Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
It's very self centered to think just because it doesn't happen in your environment it isn't common. there is nothing unusual about the OP's daughter situation; just read the paper and you will see plenty of articles describing women like her. I honestly can't believe anybody would think this is unusual or unhead of, unless you're somebody who is just very sheltered.
Yeah and that is just sad and pathetic. It seems like it's getting to the point where people are saying.."Hey..it happens a lot..no big deal". My GOD..look what the world is dissolving into.

Women lay down, spread their legs, and some dude crawls on top of them and pumps and dumps..and now they both are parents, and often with multiple partners. THEN..you can't tell them anything because they got kids now, so they know everything about raising 'em.

And society is starting to look at that likes it's no big deal..just a common thing. Sheesh.
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Old 03-09-2012, 09:01 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,038 posts, read 699,961 times
Reputation: 2063
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
They are a couple. So that fact that he can afford it is painfully relevant. Couples are supposed to work together on things. He's not some boarder she took in off the street.

And once again she did not "beg" him to move in. They had been basically living together before they split up (he still was renting a room at a friends house but he spent all his time at my daughter's apartment). He begged her to take him back, telling her the he loved her and had made a mistake by leaving in the first place. Then he told her that he was going to move most of his stuff back, and she said that if he was going to do that then he needed to just move in so it could be their place. He then told her that he could not afford to pay her any money and she said that was o.k., not knowing that he actually could.
Okay..whatever.. look all that is fine. We GET that you think he is a good guy with some money issues. However, he probably isnt good for HER..for HER..right now. Because he seems not to have his priorities in order and doesnt have the common sense to figure out his finances and also see that he SHOULD be helping her regardless if she asked or not..he is just not right for her at this point and time. IMO, she should probably not be with ANY man right now.

Stop yapping about what a good guy he is because if she gets that feeling from you it will probably give her more reason to try to hold on to him. She needs to fix HERSELF before she worries about trying to fix some man. You dont 'fix' a grown person. They have to fix themselves. She needs to leave relationships alone for a GOOD while and just focus on herself and the kids.
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Old 03-09-2012, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Midwest
2,975 posts, read 2,317,540 times
Reputation: 1872
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Yeah and that is just sad and pathetic. It seems like it's getting to the point where people are saying.."Hey..it happens a lot..no big deal". My GOD..look what the world is dissolving into.

Women lay down, spread their legs, and some dude crawls on top of them and pumps and dumps..and now they both are parents, and often with multiple partners. THEN..you can't tell them anything because they got kids now, so they know everything about raising 'em.

And society is starting to look at that likes it's no big deal..just a common thing. Sheesh.
It's not the end of the world.
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Old 03-10-2012, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,080 posts, read 942,283 times
Reputation: 844
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Okay..whatever.. look all that is fine. We GET that you think he is a good guy with some money issues. However, he probably isnt good for HER..for HER..right now. Because he seems not to have his priorities in order and doesnt have the common sense to figure out his finances and also see that he SHOULD be helping her regardless if she asked or not..he is just not right for her at this point and time. IMO, she should probably not be with ANY man right now.

Stop yapping about what a good guy he is because if she gets that feeling from you it will probably give her more reason to try to hold on to him. She needs to fix HERSELF before she worries about trying to fix some man. You dont 'fix' a grown person. They have to fix themselves. She needs to leave relationships alone for a GOOD while and just focus on herself and the kids.
I agree. I don't reassure her that he's a good guy. I don't really have to. It's usually the other way around where she is the one defending him. The only reason I defend him on this board is because people have a real difficult time just reading what I'm writing. They tend to jump to these absurd conclusions and then I am left with the task of setting them straight. I'm truly just being 100% honest about what I think. Could I be wrong? Of course. But I'm not in denial, making excuses, or justifying actions. I'm simply stating exactly what I believe to be the case.

I would agree to a point that being by herself would be good for her. But she has invested 8 months in this relationship, and according to her they get along really well on a day-to-day basis. She says they seldom fight, and they really enjoy each others company. She also says that her kids really like him too. So there is valid reason for her to try and get him to change his selfish behaviors rather than dump something that has positives and has been going for 8 months.
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Old 03-10-2012, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,080 posts, read 942,283 times
Reputation: 844
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Nice try. You are pretty adept at turning a conversation around to make the other person feel like they are wrong. I bet this is especially effective on a little girl.

20yrsinBranson
Or maybe people are just really adept and being wrong and hypocritical which makes it very easy for me. Remember I quoted you.
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