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Old 03-10-2012, 08:30 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 916,730 times
Reputation: 843

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Yeah and that is just sad and pathetic. It seems like it's getting to the point where people are saying.."Hey..it happens a lot..no big deal". My GOD..look what the world is dissolving into.

Women lay down, spread their legs, and some dude crawls on top of them and pumps and dumps..and now they both are parents, and often with multiple partners. THEN..you can't tell them anything because they got kids now, so they know everything about raising 'em.

And society is starting to look at that likes it's no big deal..just a common thing. Sheesh.
Plenty of women spread their legs a lot more often than my daughter and either don't get pregnant or get abortions. Does that make them any better?
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:05 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 4,875,589 times
Reputation: 7286
I think you're too involved in your grown daughter's private life. I guess just let her do whatever she wants concerning the guy. if she end up falling by the wayside, she's an adult. oh well.
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Old 03-11-2012, 04:34 AM
 
8,634 posts, read 4,878,513 times
Reputation: 16552
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
Plenty of women spread their legs a lot more often than my daughter and either don't get pregnant or get abortions. Does that make them any better?
It makes them smarter, anyway. Look, I was no angel when I was 18-25. But I never, ever had sex without contraception. Even if I was drunk or high.

The very first time in my life I did not use anything, I got pregnant. I was 30, had been married 5 years and it was planned.

Was I lucky to have avoided pregnancy during my single years? HA! Luck had nothing to do with it. The very day I became sexually active I took myself down to Planned Parenthood and got a prescription. My oldest daughter went on the pill at age 16 when she started dating, even though she would not be sexually active for another couple of years. Just in case.

Your daughter should have been put on the pill or Depo or Nuvaring or something at the time she started acting out in high school. It wasn't the drinking or drugs that messed up her life--it was unprotected sex.

It was a choice she made. She wanted to have babies to hang on to the men she was clinging to. I hope she has realized by now that that is a very bad strategy and tends to leave little collateral damages running around.

I will say it one more time. This guy needs to leave. He offers nothing in the way of commitment, marriage a future. He is not "making a family" with her--he won't even change a diaper or help her care for the kids.

He is nothing but a deadbeat roommate who pays nothing and gets to sleep with your daughter whenever he wants to.

Have you pointed this out to her? No, you keep making excuses for this d!ckless wonder who is eating her food and using her utilities, LITERALLY taking bread from your grandbabies' mouths and taking their mother's time and attention away from them.

Last edited by zentropa; 03-11-2012 at 04:44 AM..
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,078 posts, read 916,730 times
Reputation: 843
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
It makes them smarter, anyway. Look, I was no angel when I was 18-25. But I never, ever had sex without contraception. Even if I was drunk or high.

The very first time in my life I did not use anything, I got pregnant. I was 30, had been married 5 years and it was planned.

Was I lucky to have avoided pregnancy during my single years? HA! Luck had nothing to do with it. The very day I became sexually active I took myself down to Planned Parenthood and got a prescription. My oldest daughter went on the pill at age 16 when she started dating, even though she would not be sexually active for another couple of years. Just in case.

Your daughter should have been put on the pill or Depo or Nuvaring or something at the time she started acting out in high school. It wasn't the drinking or drugs that messed up her life--it was unprotected sex.

It was a choice she made. She wanted to have babies to hang on to the men she was clinging to. I hope she has realized by now that that is a very bad strategy and tends to leave little collateral damages running around.

I will say it one more time. This guy needs to leave. He offers nothing in the way of commitment, marriage a future. He is not "making a family" with her--he won't even change a diaper or help her care for the kids.

He is nothing but a deadbeat roommate who pays nothing and gets to sleep with your daughter whenever he wants to.

Have you pointed this out to her? No, you keep making excuses for this d!ckless wonder who is eating her food and using her utilities, LITERALLY taking bread from your grandbabies' mouths and taking their mother's time and attention away from them.
A few points:

1. I'm not making excuses for him. I'm trying to properly explain what I believe so those that are not directly involved get the full picture. I know when people hear certain descriptions or actions they tend to jump to the stereotypical image that they have in their minds. With the simple explanation of living with her and not paying the bills I would get the impression of some irresponsible, deadbeat that sits around and plays video games all day. So I give the other explanation so that everyone gets the full picture. I'm not "making excuses". I told her to talk to him about paying the bills. But the positives her has are a reality as well. Anyone giving advice should have the full picture.

2. Saying she was purposely getting pregnant to hold onto men is a serious conclusion to jump to. This is the issue I have with some posters on this board. There is no way you have enough evidence to make that claim. As much as I'm aware, she was on the pill the first time, but was negligent in taking it. My daughter was not simply a weekend partier, she was a drug addict. She was using meth. She probably would be dead right now had she not gotten pregnant. The second time I don't know if she was taking the pill, but she had not had sex since she broke up with Daddy #1. She was stupid, not doubt, in trusting the infertility story. But I can assure you that she was shocked and not at all happy about finding out she was pregnant a second time.

I will agree that you were much smarter and responsible than my daughter. But when I made the comment about spreading her legs it was too someone else that brought that up. They seemed to be criticizing her morality. It's her stupidity not her morality that is the problem.
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:46 AM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
18,416 posts, read 17,141,205 times
Reputation: 17346
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
I would agree to a point that being by herself would be good for her. But she has invested 8 months in this relationship, and according to her they get along really well on a day-to-day basis. She says they seldom fight, and they really enjoy each others company. She also says that her kids really like him too. So there is valid reason for her to try and get him to change his selfish behaviors rather than dump something that has positives and has been going for 8 months.
Scocar.. I have a SIL that was hooked up with several losers, had kids, went down your daughters path. She met "Jeff" who when you 1st meet, you'd think of him as just another loser.

He's turned out to be a great guy for her and her kids. He's a low end blue collar guy but they are still together after 20 years. He keeps a job and he can put up with her crap, I've grown to respect the guy.

Any man who can tolerate her kids, her history, be good with it all and still be a man is probably hard to find and worth making the effort.
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Old 03-11-2012, 11:24 AM
 
4,838 posts, read 5,126,048 times
Reputation: 2906
Default Two Kids From Two 6 Month Dysfunctional Relationships

What is is about birth control that is so difficult for so many women?

If a guy tells it like it is and states that girls and women do this deliberately to try to nail down commitment from some loser, the women on here will be all over them. However, in far too many cases, it appears to be true.

Meanwhile, women who refuse to settle, can have an active sex life for a couple of decades, while trying to attract Mr. Right, and never have the slightest problem!
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Old 03-11-2012, 11:43 AM
 
18,868 posts, read 15,650,674 times
Reputation: 24885
I don't give "advice" to my grown children. If they want my input, they will ask me. When children are young, that is the time to discuss their goals, and help them shape how they want their future to be, and what it will look like, and help them achieve that picture.

My kids are adults. That is the key element here. Adults support themselves, and their kids. If you can't support yourself, you have no business having a child you can't support.
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Old 03-11-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,844 posts, read 54,308,779 times
Reputation: 22788
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
Plenty of women spread their legs a lot more often than my daughter and either don't get pregnant or get abortions. Does that make them any better?
Maybe not, but they certainly have better options. Some people accept everything that happens to come their way; others think about the consequences and do something about either preventing mistakes or fixing them, if they happen.
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Old 03-11-2012, 02:49 PM
 
Location: So Cal
24,959 posts, read 18,682,304 times
Reputation: 23436
What a friggin mess. Sorry to be so judgemental, but damn!!! I haven't read the whole thread so if I repeat the obvious, sorry.

First, she needs to wake up and smell the coffee, stop with the men, get some focus. She needs to provide for the kids first, put her loneliness second.

She shouldn't be bringing men home unless they are keepers, period. The kids need stabilty, not a swinging door of different guys coming around.
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Old 03-11-2012, 07:10 PM
 
2,732 posts, read 1,627,433 times
Reputation: 1885
Quote:
Originally Posted by djuna View Post
that's not very nice. Perfectly good parents can end up with kids who make mistakes. You can only do so much for your children, eventually they choose what they want to do. And considering you have no children what makes you the expert on bringing them up?
+1
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