Online dating: not posting a profile hurting my chances? (how to, married, women)

[sqs03]

I am on Match but don’t have a profile posted there. I always write to the women I want to contact, and provide a link to where my pics are posted (not on Match).

So far my results have been dismal - a couple “no, thanks”, some silence, and one friendlier “no” giving reasons I did not rebut.

I am careful in choosing who I write to, making sure I meet all listed criteria stated in the profiles. All my emails have a personalized part referring to something mentioned in their profiles, and a self-introduction following Match’s format.

I am doing it this way because I see no point in posting an online profile - how many women between the age of 27 to 37 would actually initiate a contact? Or even send a wink? Maybe I am so out of touch on this but after reading other posts on online dating that is my impression. Besides, isn’t a personalized email much better than a “neutral-colored” profile?

But now I suspect that not having a profile is causing rejections.

Also, ladies, when you don’t say “no, thanks.”, do you expect me to keep on writing? (even the writing is getting harder )

Thanks.

[JerZ]

My automatic assumption of a person who didn't post a profile on a match-up site, but was obviously contacting the other sex, would be that the person is married and looking to hook up and does not want anyone he knows to accidentally come across his profile.

[Arcticthaw]

Originally Posted by sqs03

I am on Match but don’t have a profile posted there. I always write to the women I want to contact, and provide a link to where my pics are posted (not on Match).

So far my results have been dismal - a couple “no, thanks”, some silence, and one friendlier “no” giving reasons I did not rebut.

I am careful in choosing who I write to, making sure I meet all listed criteria stated in the profiles. All my emails have a personalized part referring to something mentioned in their profiles, and a self-introduction following Match’s format.

I am doing it this way because I see no point in posting an online profile - how many women between the age of 27 to 37 would actually initiate a contact? Or even send a wink? Maybe I am so out of touch on this but after reading other posts on online dating that is my impression. Besides, isn’t a personalized email much better than a “neutral-colored” profile?

But now I suspect that not having a profile is causing rejections.

Also, ladies, when you don’t say “no, thanks.”, do you expect me to keep on writing? (even the writing is getting harder )

Thanks.

Basically your not playing fair! All the information is one sided. Sending them off site to look at your information smacks of a spammer or such.

Post a well thought out profile, AND current photo without sunglasses or a hat. Let them see who you are and read about you and your writing style. Different people look at what you write in their own way and find things they like or dislike. There are some out there who are searching but don't share their profile until they contact you. This is a feature of some of those sites.
Read the help sections to get a better understanding and how to make your profile reflect you and stand out from the other guys. Read the other guys in your age range to see what your competing against. Your really competeing to get her attention and to pause and read your profile.

Respond to everything with a short email. If either of you decline be gracious and whish them luck and move on.

If writing is getting hard, then maybe you need to take a break for a while. Post your profile and keep it updated. Nothing like reading some one talking about summer starting and it's winter outside.

I think you may be surprised how many times they contact you.

Good luck.

[dgz]

Having done quite a bit of match.com... here's my two cents... If you write to a woman, even if you send your picture to her, she wants to see your profile. If she can't see your profile, she will think that you're being less than candid or you're hiding something (e.g., that you're married).

For example, if you wrote to me, and everything you said mirrored what I had in my profile, I would suspect that you were just making things up--particularly if you didn't have a profile posted. I would think that you were probably just writing to each woman and saying what you thought she wanted to hear.

Whereas if you have your profile with your photo, and you're writing to 5 or 6 women, then you're going to have to keep your written 'story' to them in line with your profile.

When women are doing online dating, they are trying to find out as much as they can about you--primarily because they want to make sure that: 1) you are who you say you are and 2) you're not some weirdo.

Originally Posted by sqs03

I am on Match but don’t have a profile posted there. I always write to the women I want to contact, and provide a link to where my pics are posted (not on Match).

So far my results have been dismal - a couple “no, thanks”, some silence, and one friendlier “no” giving reasons I did not rebut.

I am careful in choosing who I write to, making sure I meet all listed criteria stated in the profiles. All my emails have a personalized part referring to something mentioned in their profiles, and a self-introduction following Match’s format.

I am doing it this way because I see no point in posting an online profile - how many women between the age of 27 to 37 would actually initiate a contact? Or even send a wink? Maybe I am so out of touch on this but after reading other posts on online dating that is my impression. Besides, isn’t a personalized email much better than a “neutral-colored” profile?

But now I suspect that not having a profile is causing rejections.

Also, ladies, when you don’t say “no, thanks.”, do you expect me to keep on writing? (even the writing is getting harder )

Thanks.

[songinthewind7]

I used to be on a few internet dating sights.
It's first impressions and attention getters that count in the beginning. You can get personal with the emails later.
If a guy didn't take the time to post a picture or to answer some of the things on the sight, I would assume he was hiding something. Like being married.
To sum it up, profiles are the attention getters.
If someone takes the time to send you an email, at least respond back to them. I think it's rude not to. Winking was not a big deal to me. I figured if the guy was interested, he would send me an email, not wink.
Get on several dating sights. It's a numbers game.
I went out with about 60 different guys on this before I met the man I'm with now.

[songinthewind7]

I forgot to add to your last comment about the ladies saying "no thanks" and if you should keep on writing.
If the lady has any ounce of decency in her, she will respond to your emails and tell you no thanks or to keep on writing. Ignoring an email when someone took the time to send it to you, whether you are interested or not, deserves a response.
Common sense and courtesy.

[Mayor_McCheese]

If you're too lazy to create a profile then people probably think you're too lazy to give them much attention. Nut up and create a profile.

[elfyum]

Definately put a profile & a picture! I used to be freaked out by putting my picture, but now I'm not! I guess it's cause I was new to doing that...
I disagree about a response! I think that's being WAAAAY to sensitive to think it's rude of a total stranger who has no interest in you to not respond! When I get emails from someone with no picture, my response is simply "do you have a picture?" Why bother wasting time if there's no attraction!!! Unless you're just looking for friends/pen pals, or ALSO looking for friends/penpals. If I'm not attracted or don't like the profile, I don't respond. And I expect the same. Makes perfect sense.
By the way - to the person that went out with 60 people...
Dear LORD!!!!!!!!! Over how long a period of time?!
Most people only have 2 days off a week. If you meet 2 new people a week every week, that's 30 weeks!!!
Someone's having fun!

[yellowsnow]

I have a good friend who is doing this whole online dating thing. It was a real education for me.

If there's no profile/no picture, she just moves on. She assumes the guy is married and looking for some side action. And there's more than 1 or 2 of them out there.

[DowntownJerseyCity]

Originally Posted by JerZ

My automatic assumption of a person who didn't post a profile on a match-up site, but was obviously contacting the other sex, would be that the person is married and looking to hook up and does not want anyone he knows to accidentally come across his profile.

Either that or he looks like the elephant man. Back when I used to care about dating, I signed up for Match and had several dates, but it wasn't only till I pit up a picture of myself is when I got to meet some real freaks.