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Right now I have waaaay too much time on my hands as I am recovering from an injury after falling on slippery, wet grass and am semi-housebound. So CD is my friend.
For reasons I won't go into, 3 months ago I decided to estrange myself from my adult son. Its particularly sad for me because he is the father of my only grandchild. I try not to dwell on this sadness but -- maybe because of my immobility giving me lots of free time -- I think of this heartache a lot more than I wish I did.
I know that when relationships end or become estranged.....friendships, romantic, family....there is often "collateral damage." And losing touch with my granddaughter is that "collateral damage." However, the angst is really about the sadness of cutting off ties with my child.
It has made me wonder if ALL relationship breakups have the same stages of grief and acceptance, regardless of the nature of the relationship, or if they are different depending on the kind of relationship......??
Right now I have waaaay too much time on my hands as I am recovering from an injury and am semi-housebound. So CD is my friend.
For reasons I won't go into, 3 months ago I decided to estrange myself from my adult son. Its particularly sad for me because he is the father of my only grandchild. I try not to dwell on this sadness but -- maybe because of my immobility giving me lots of free time -- I think of this heartache a lot more than I wish I did.
I know that when relationships end or become estranged.....friendships, romantic, family....there is often "collateral damage." And losing touch with my granddaughter is that "collateral damage." However, the angst is really about the sadness of cutting off ties with my child.
It has made me wonder if ALL relationship breakups have the same stages of grief and acceptance, regardless of the nature of the relationship, or if they are different depending on the kind of relationship......??
Sorry you are in such a low place my friend
I don't think ALL relationships have the same stages of grief because not all relationships are the same. Some are more shallow than others, some are more intense than others.
When it comes to a mother/child relationship - that's as deep as they get, so the grief is going to be enormous.
Are you sure there is no way to work things out with your son? I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling to have gotten to that point! But does it have to be permanent? Is he Freddie Kruger or something?
I don't think ALL relationships have the same stages of grief because not all relationships are the same. Some are more shallow than others, some are more intense than others.
I know the intensity will be different, but the stages may be the same??.....
I have cut very few people out of my life. a few years ago I decided to end a relationship with a business partner and I recall going thru some of the same emotional dynamics so that's what made me think about this topic..
My son has been to anger management classes a couple of times...last time was court ordered. But he doesn't keep it under control. Maybe by losing his mom, he'll value his wife more if she's the only one he has left....
I believe they are different and it may be due to the fact that every relationship and every person is just simply different.
Some are like really obsessed with their previous partner and they never let go of them and the thoughts that they were once together.
Some just move on very easily and never look back...
Some just move on hating their ex, some become friends with the ex after the break up part. I believe it is all very different and definitely not the same at all.
I hope you can recover from your injury soon. I wish a speedy recovery for you
I have cut very few people out of my life. a few years ago I decided to end a relationship with a business partner and I recall going thru some of the same emotional dynamics so that's what made me think about this topic..
My son has been to anger management classes a couple of times...last time was court ordered. But he doesn't keep it under control. Maybe by losing his mom, he'll value his wife more if she's the only one he has left....
So he is threatening and dangerous? Wow, I'm so sorry. Of course, you have to protect yourself
Again, I'm not so sure the stages of grief are the same in all relationships. I've been able to go from anger to acceptance without any bargaining or depression when a relationship just needed to end. And sometimes, there isn't even any anger, just disappointment that the relationship was not going to be what I had hoped.
I think the key thing is, how closely connected/bonded we were to the person we have now ended the relationship with. THAT is what determines whether or not we experience all the stages of grief.
Sorry for what you're going through, OP. In my experience, no, those stages don't apply to all breakups. I haven't had many breakups but I've only experienced those stages of grief during the breakup of romantic relationships and the one time I had to sever a relationship with a distant cousin. I've never felt this with the couple of friend 'breakups' I've had.
So he is threatening and dangerous? Wow, I'm so sorry. Of course, you have to protect yourself
Squirl's comment:Not dangerous -- very verbally abusive -- and very threatening to wife!
I think the key thing is, how closely connected/bonded we were to the person we have now ended the relationship with. THAT is what determines whether or not we experience all the stages of grief.
Oh, and the list is:
Denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
Oh, that makes sense. I guess any person who I have ever ended a relationship with has mattered to me a great deal, so I think I have gone thru the stages each time. One divorce, one romantic breakup,one end of business relationship, and now this one.....
Last edited by Squirl; 03-12-2012 at 01:33 PM..
Reason: add comment
Well, I think terminating a relationship with a child, even an adult one, is very much different than breaking up with a guy you have been seeing for a few months.
The issue I think would be difficult to reconcile with, is grief, and perhaps guilt, wondering why you have such a POS for a child, wondering what type of Mother you were to cause this. I went thru this angst myself, with my middle son, I really wanted nothing to do with him for years. I did not tell him this though, and maintained contact with him, and tried to be supportive.
My son did turn himself around, and I am proud of who he is now. I hope that you will give your son a chance to improve, and have a relationship with him some day. Give it time. Good luck.
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