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Old 03-13-2012, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,081,970 times
Reputation: 22091

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
See, here's the thing (Mod cut: Orphaned), let these young guys actually FIND a woman willing to marry them and then see what they have to say

Right now their "opinions" mean nothing. It's like a high school football player thinking he can tell the NFL MVP how to play football

ANY man who would view his wife as a liability should never plan to marry, especially because decent worthwhile women wouldn't have him.
I know. It's sort of like me talking about how I would do things differently than some CEO of a fortune 500 company. I can blabber all I want to about how I think things should work - but I actually have no idea.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-13-2012 at 08:35 PM..

 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:05 PM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,825,459 times
Reputation: 3544
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
No, it's because in the eyes of the court a married couple are a single unit, not two individuals: one with an income and a freeloader. When the unit splits, the assets are divided in half.
Yup, that's how it is. If one day it occurs that it is the man who stayed home (no children in the picture) and he ended up snatching half or more of what the wife worked for in a divorce I can assure you people wouldn't be fine with that. Then again, what woman would want to marry a guy who would stay home? Sure sure sure, there are exceptions.
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,081,970 times
Reputation: 22091
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Yup, that's how it is. If one day it occurs that it is the man who stayed home (no children in the picture) and he ended up snatching half or more of what the wife worked for in a divorce I can assure you people wouldn't be fine with that. Then again, what woman would want to marry a guy who would stay home? Sure sure sure, there are exceptions.
When you get married to someone - you become one unit. If you don't want to - you shouldn't get married. Whatever arrangement you make with your spouse money wise should be agreed upon by both. If you can't agree on it - you shouldn't get married. When two people become one unit - whatever they accumulate is "theirs" - not "hers" and "his." If you are not okay with that - you shouldn't get married. Or if you still want to get married but not be considered one unit - you should make the legal arrangements to make sure that all your money is only "yours" and that there is no "ours." Getting married should be taken seriously. If you aren't willing to share your life with someone then you should remain single. Any person who would view their stay at home spouse as a freeloader, a liability, a burden, etc. - should not be married or should not have married the person that they did. My husband is happy that I'm a stay at home mom. He would have been fine if I wanted to work - because he supports me no matter what - but he's actually happier with me staying home. I also have a friend that was a stay at home Dad and he couldn't have been happier with the arrangement. He's a wonderful father.
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:18 PM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,825,459 times
Reputation: 3544
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
Whatever arrangement you make with your spouse money wise should be agreed upon by both
That’s right.

Quote:
When two people become one unit - whatever they accumulate is "theirs" - not "hers" and "his."
Reason why I don’t like the idea of prenups regardless of how it is well known that men who have money end up pretty bad with divorces. A marriage should be forever and if someone doubts their future spouse then I don’t think the relationship is healthy and might need some adjustments or simply move to a different path.

Quote:
My husband is happy that I'm a stay at home mom
There you go. That works for you guys. My girl is happy to be non-traditional and so am I. That works for us.
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,081,970 times
Reputation: 22091
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Thatís right.



Reason why I donít like the idea of prenups regardless of how it is well known that men who have money end up pretty bad with divorces. A marriage should be forever and if someone doubts their future spouse then I donít think the relationship is healthy and might need some adjustments or simply move to a different path.



There you go. That works for you guys. My girl is happy to be non-traditional and so am I. That works for us.
The thing is - you can talk all you want to about marriage and children - but until you actually get married and have children - you just have no idea. Traditional/non-traditional - it's all just stereotypes and labels. I don't think any woman has any idea how she is going to feel about being a mother until she actually is one. Some women are better mothers being out of the house at work for 8 hours a day. Being a stay at home mom is actually really challenging. Some women can't bear to leave their children in daycare. I don't think you can ever know how you are going to feel until it happens to you. Labels don't really mean anything compared to actual life experience. You can say that you are definitely going back to work right after you have your baby - and then you can change your mind. It happens all the time. Or you can say that you are going to be a stay at home mom and it turns out you can't stand it. Predicting the future is really easy when you haven't lived it yet.
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:25 PM
 
12,373 posts, read 14,518,090 times
Reputation: 14012
all true Dewdrop93
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:30 PM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,825,459 times
Reputation: 3544
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
The thing is - you can talk all you want to about marriage and children - but until you actually get married and have children - you just have no idea
Well said. Just like anybody who hasnít been married and at least thinks about what to do and expect from that new experience instead of just walking blindly into something. Good points.
 
Old 03-13-2012, 03:59 PM
 
15,732 posts, read 17,259,871 times
Reputation: 12728
Mod cut: Orphaned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Yup, that's how it is. If one day it occurs that it is the man who stayed home (no children in the picture) and he ended up snatching half or more of what the wife worked for in a divorce I can assure you people wouldn't be fine with that. Then again, what woman would want to marry a guy who would stay home? Sure sure sure, there are exceptions.
And wasn't that last line just dismissing everyone who has an expeirence that goes against what you have said? Why waste the energy and bother commenting when you have already dismissed someone elses experience. But I'll bite.

I DO know a LOT of stay at home dads. There are actually 3 of them in our circle of friends (which isn't all that large, so they really aren't the exception here). One of those couples is divorced, she pays him alimony and child support (they have joint, shared custody of the child) and she paid for his condo when he moved out. All part of their divorce agreement.

I really don't see anything wrong with it and neither did any of our other friends. She was the breadwinner, he was the caretaker. When they settled their divorce it was a fair settlement for everyone involved (according to them as well). But I know..."sure sure sure, there are exceptions".

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-13-2012 at 08:42 PM..
 
Old 03-13-2012, 04:54 PM
 
6,250 posts, read 5,825,459 times
Reputation: 3544
Mod cut: Orphaned.

It’s another double standard just like the one where men don’t get too much negativity for having more than one girl but have a girl have more than one guy and others, specially women, will point fingers at her. Well, same thing here. A guy who lives off a woman is bad, a woman who lives off a man, acceptable and her staying at home is praised.

Quote:
I DO know a LOT of stay at home dads. There are actually 3 of them in our circle of friends (which isn't all that large, so they really aren't the exception here). One of those couples is divorced, she pays him alimony and child support (they have joint, shared custody of the child) and she paid for his condo when he moved out. All part of their divorce agreement.
Go to google and look for stats and tell me who normally is the one who pays alimony, child support, etc., man or woman? Then come back and tell me what you found. But sure, exceptions do exist, I’ll give you that.

Ok, I’ll give you a hand:

• “7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support (84% of the payers were male). “

Divorce Statistics, Marriage Statistics: Divorce Rates in America, Marriage

Quote:
But I know..."sure sure sure, there are exceptions".
Yup, like someone mentioned a while back, this is the forum of exceptionalists.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-13-2012 at 08:58 PM..
 
Old 03-13-2012, 05:27 PM
 
Location: California
1,191 posts, read 1,229,868 times
Reputation: 1742
I haven't read through the comments. As a result, I am probably missing out on some good entertainment. With that said, my wife is a stay at home mom now. We have two children under five. She was laid off from her job a few years ago and we found it was easier on our household (functionally speaking) having one person at home. I doubt this is a permanant arrangement. However, with two preschool aged children it really works for us right now.

Do I "prefer" it? Right now I do. I am no fan of day care. I don't like my kids being away from home for eight to ten hours out of the day. When they are not at school I like them being at home with family. They can eat homecooked meals every night. Their behavior is much easier to regulate. Most of all if their are any social, health, or behavioral issues my wife catches them right way. Based on their behavior and development up to this point I think it is doing wonders for them. To me, that is worth much more than the money lost from a second income. Plus, my wife is industrious. She still finds ways to make a little money on the side.

Lastly, I want to point out this decision for us was about our kids. It wasn't about some psychological/gender battle, or about conforming to certain norms. It wasn't about either of us. Fate dealt us a set of cards and we adjusted to it the best way we could based on what we both value.
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