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Old 03-15-2012, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Middle America
34,635 posts, read 37,025,188 times
Reputation: 45996

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes View Post
While I think the idea of having one parent stay home with the kids is great when you can afford, it also makes me wonder why does one find a spouse that makes enough money to afford this?

When I was single, while I met lots of successful guys that made good money, none were looking for anything serious and treated me like an afterthought. I finally met a man that adored me and treated me the way I like but he isn't remotely career-oriented and doesn't earn much. Many of my girlfriends also find that not only is meeting Mr. Right hard but meeting a Mr. Right that will earn enough to support a family is even tougher. The majority of my married friends are not in the financial position to live off one income. And these are not big spenders. Just folks me like trying to stay afloat in this new economy.

I think even if I made $20k more than I do now, I can't see taking care of all the bills, retirement, college savings, food, car insurance for 2 cars and still have savings for emergencies, the future, home repairs and pocket money so we all don't go crazy.

Where do you find these men that not only earn a lot but are willing to take that kind of financial responsibility on?
It's also pretty dependent on the variable cost of living place to place. Where I live now happens to be a place where it's fairly doable (if not particularly luxurious) to afford a single income lifestyle on the average salary, if one only has a small family, at least. It's a fairly inexpensive area to live, but, unlike many other low COL areas, actually does have a variety of decently paint job options. My household wouldn't be able to make it on one income (either mine or my partner's) in a number of cities I could name, but here, it would be at least possible.

 
Old 03-15-2012, 07:24 AM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,650,165 times
Reputation: 5294
Where I live...there is no way people can afford to have a SAHM. Property taxes, home prices etc are INSANE. I really know very few SAHM. Unless there is a multi-generational household (which are normally Indian or Asian in my area), most kids have nanny's or are in daycare.


3. Richest County in US
Howard County, Md.
Median Household Income: $101,771


Howard County's median home value is $456,200

With an astounding 58.3% of residents holding a bachelor’s degree or higher, Howard County shows that higher education can pay. One of only three counties that have a six-figure median household income in the U.S., Howard is located between Baltimore and Washington, D.C., attracting the extremely affluent. The median value of owner-occupied homes in the county is $456,200.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 07:28 AM
 
15,732 posts, read 16,585,078 times
Reputation: 12717
Quote:
Originally Posted by supernaut112 View Post
Hmm ... I admire and respect this POV. However, I'm not sure if SAHMs are doing it for their children or for themselves.

My mother went back to work two weeks after I was born. I was "co-raised" European-style by my grandmother, aunts and older cousins. Personally? I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. I became an outgoing, independent child. Even though I had plenty of caretakers, I remember begging my mom to enroll me in daycare so I could be around other little kids. And she did just that.

As I grew older, I cultivated mad respect for my mom. No, she didn't stay at home and cook or bake. In fact, she was a crappy cook, and we had to hire a housekeeper to come in a couple of times a week to help tidy up. But she held a very prestigious title at the hospital, had worked her way through college on scholarship. She truly cared about her patients and their families. She saved lives. She made lives comfortable at the end. She rocked it.

When my dad was paralyzed, my family could have easily lost everything. But because my mom also worked and had listed my dad on her policy for secondary insurance (through work), they didn't lose their house or life savings. If she hadn't been a career woman, I'd be paying my dad's hospital bills until the end of my days. Yes, me. I am so relieved that I don't have that burden.

I am so proud of my mom. We don't always see eye to eye, but yes, I am proud. I am so grateful that she wasn't a SAHM. Anyone with a couple of brain cells to rub together can do that. But she managed a high-pressure career and balanced it with motherhood.

I think I turned out really good, too.
That's wonderful, but not everyone has the luxury of family to care for their 2 week old infant when they return to work.

For us personally, sending my child off to daycare with total and complete strangers when they were infants was not an option we chose to entertain. Our closest family memeber at that time lived 8 hours away so we didn't have a large network of family, or any for that matter.

And, not everyone can be a SAHM. Sometimes the child is better off in daycare where they are given at least 2 meals a day and cleaned/bathed. In one area that I taught in, parenting skills were completely lacking...so much so that we had to call CPS to step in with a few of our families. A lot of lower income mothers stay at home because it doesn't pay for them to work and they can't afford daycare, once these children get to public school you can see the effects of "a couple of brain cells".
 
Old 03-15-2012, 07:28 AM
 
460 posts, read 529,849 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by supernaut112 View Post
Hmm ... I admire and respect this POV. However, I'm not sure if SAHMs are doing it for their children or for themselves.

My mother went back to work two weeks after I was born. I was "co-raised" European-style by my grandmother, aunts and older cousins. Personally? I wouldn't trade that experience for the world. I became an outgoing, independent child. Even though I had plenty of caretakers, I remember begging my mom to enroll me in daycare so I could be around other little kids. And she did just that.

As I grew older, I cultivated mad respect for my mom. No, she didn't stay at home and cook or bake. In fact, she was a crappy cook, and we had to hire a housekeeper to come in a couple of times a week to help tidy up. But she held a very prestigious title at the hospital, had worked her way through college on scholarship. She truly cared about her patients and their families. She saved lives. She made lives comfortable at the end. She rocked it.

When my dad was paralyzed, my family could have easily lost everything. But because my mom also worked and had listed my dad on her policy for secondary insurance (through work), they didn't lose their house or life savings. If she hadn't been a career woman, I'd be paying my dad's hospital bills until the end of my days. Yes, me. I am so relieved that I don't have that burden.

I am so proud of my mom. We don't always see eye to eye, but yes, I am proud. I am so grateful that she wasn't a SAHM. Anyone with a couple of brain cells to rub together can do that. But she managed a high-pressure career and balanced it with motherhood.

I think I turned out really good, too.
You turned out wonderful....Gotta love those who denigrate others choices.

Anyway, you had the good fortune of being cared for by family while your mom worked. I agree with you that this is the ideal situation for many (though maybe not the grandparents and aunts doing the caring). When I was really young, my mom paid my cousin (she's my mom's age) to watch after me while she worked. I loved it there because my cousin actually loved me and treated me like one of her own 3. Later, in Kindergarten, I ended up in daycare because my cousin lived several towns away from my school. I HATED that. It wasn't that the daycare was so terrible. It just wasn't as wonderful as being in a home with my cousins. I didn't get to do after school sports like the other kids because no one could take me. I did gymnastics once a week on saturdays. It just wasn't great. Later, my mom did end up staying home (age 9-18) and while the circumstances were far from ideal, I did like have the ability to do sports and have someone to drive me around rather than be a latch key kid.

My point is that my children do not have the luxury of being with family if I worked. They would be in some sort of daycare. I like home daycares but I don't know if I could trust them with an infant. I like having multiple people around for young children who cannot speak. For older kids, who could tell me if something was wrong, I prefer home daycares (went to one of those from age 8-9 and liked it a lot better). In any event, we decided that it's best for our whole family for me to be around while they are young.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 07:30 AM
 
Location: Middle America
34,635 posts, read 37,025,188 times
Reputation: 45996
I actually personally know a dad who stays home and lives in Howard Co., in fact. Currently, they're not there, though, b/c mom is with the DOS and they are temporarily living abroad while she does embassy work. But, yeah , some people make it work, even in very costly areas... Just depends.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Amarillo, Tx
622 posts, read 1,064,501 times
Reputation: 660
Hell no.. If she stays home for a short period due to having a child thats one thing. But then back to work.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:14 AM
 
460 posts, read 529,849 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
Where I live...there is no way people can afford to have a SAHM. Property taxes, home prices etc are INSANE. I really know very few SAHM. Unless there is a multi-generational household (which are normally Indian or Asian in my area), most kids have nanny's or are in daycare.


3. Richest County in US
Howard County, Md.
Median Household Income: $101,771


Howard County's median home value is $456,200

With an astounding 58.3% of residents holding a bachelorís degree or higher, Howard County shows that higher education can pay. One of only three counties that have a six-figure median household income in the U.S., Howard is located between Baltimore and Washington, D.C., attracting the extremely affluent. The median value of owner-occupied homes in the county is $456,200.
I know plenty of people who make more than 6 figures on one salary and have a home at least that expensive in my area. Still plenty of SAHMs
 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:18 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,801 posts, read 6,837,614 times
Reputation: 4914
Quote:
Originally Posted by southshorelady View Post
I know plenty of people who make more than 6 figures on one salary and have a home at least that expensive in my area. Still plenty of SAHMs
Well yeah I think six figures on one income is a lot of money. But where does one snag a guy like that?
 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:25 AM
 
460 posts, read 529,849 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes View Post
Well yeah I think six figures on one income is a lot of money. But where does one snag a guy like that?
Haha dunno? Software companies???? World of Warcraft conventions??

My only point is that median income and home prices does not preclude people from having SAHMs if the salaries of the area are substantial (as in my area). However, the COL in my area is also quite high so you need to have these big incomes to afford it around here.

I also know a lot of people with SAHMs who live in this same area with high cost of living who just sacrifice a lot. They live in smaller homes or rent, drive one car, etc. It all depends on what you're willing to do and how important it is to you. Most of these women plan on going back to work as soon as possible in order to improve their financial situation.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:28 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts for the time being
314 posts, read 578,221 times
Reputation: 354
What I find interesting is that many working women that have I known have been oblivious to the gender neutrality of the family court laws. If they let their husband's be the stay at home dad, and divorce occurs, he will probably get custody of the kids, and she will be paying alimony and child support even if she has to work 2 jobs to do it. I have known of several people who seemed to think they were immune from this, being female. They found out the hard way that they weren't!
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