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Old 03-15-2012, 08:31 AM
 
460 posts, read 541,258 times
Reputation: 741

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Quote:
Originally Posted by westwind15 View Post
What I find interesting is that many working women that have I known have been oblivious to the gender neutrality of the family court laws. If they let their husband's be the stay at home dad, and divorce occurs, he will probably get custody of the kids, and she will be paying alimony and child support even if she has to work 2 jobs to do it. I have known of several people who seemed to think they were immune from this, being female. They found out the hard way that they weren't!
Well, fortunately, not all people plan for divorce as if it's a forgone conclusion. Sometimes you have to make the best choices for your family at the time and let the chips fall where they may.

 
Old 03-15-2012, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 2,722,698 times
Reputation: 2183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
OK ladies get real for a minute. In a perfect world if you had the choice to either work outside the home or be home to care for the needs of your family which would you choose? Today I noticed a lady dropping her daughter off at daycare and I refuse to believe if given the choice she would be dropping her daughter off rather than caring for her herself.

I believe you are correct in this, but getting the ladies to be honest about it to themselves is a big step. It's as if they don't want to admit the intrinsic and instictive modes are alive and well inside.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 10:01 AM
 
Location: The analog world
14,669 posts, read 8,308,932 times
Reputation: 19770
One of the really wonderful things about growing older is that I am much more comfortable with the validity of my choices, even if they go against the grain. The approval of the masses matters much less to me than when I was a young wife.

That said, I think that any young woman who decides forego career for home life should consider the long-term financial implications of her choice. A long break from the workforce does indeed make it very difficult to get back in, so it is of utmost importance that a couple who takes this path ensure that they are prepared for life's ups and downs, including job loss, death of the working spouse, and, unfortunately, divorce. Of course, that's also true for two-income families, especially if they're spending everything they earn to make ends meet.

As someone who has pursued both paths, I think, and my husband and teenagers agree, that our life is much less stressful with only one full-time employee. No, my days at home are not non-stop action, but much is accomplished, money is put aside for a rainy day, and everybody's needs are met.

I found it interesting to read the challenges other posters issued for at-home parents to account for their time. Truly, much of my life is hurry up and wait, which allows for an occasional visit to the forums. But, then it's worth noting that I had time to peruse the interwebz when I was employed full-time, too.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
19,610 posts, read 20,121,182 times
Reputation: 20020
Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709 View Post
I believe you are correct in this, but getting the ladies to be honest about it to themselves is a big step. It's as if they don't want to admit the intrinsic and instictive modes are alive and well inside.
Why would you assume that the women postig are lying. Is it because they dont agree with you? And why would you assume all women think and feel the same and have the same goals and ambitions or are born with strong maternal instincts even.

I had kids young, we were struggling financially and didnt have much. I stayed home about one year with the first and 6 weeks with the second. I became very board with the first. We only had one car and no extra money so I was home all day with no interaction except a baby (this was pre cell phone, computer, internet, 1000 channels). I would have liked to stay home longer with the second, but my career at the time was taking off and I enjoyed working and would have gotten board easily. We really couldnt have afforded living on one income either. If I had waited 10 years later when my career was established and we had money to allow me to actually engage in activities outside the home, I probably would have enjoyed staying home for awhile. Now Im old, tired of my career, have some money and lots of hobbies, I would love to be able to stay home and take care of my grandkids. Priorities differ and change over time.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 10:26 AM
 
4,564 posts, read 6,028,604 times
Reputation: 5185
Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
My mother didn't need to work (father made well over 100k alone) but she chose to work because she loved being a nurse.

I don't want to have children of my own but if I did I would never throw away 6 years of college and a job I love just to stay at home.

I can understand what your saying about throwing away 6 years of higher education but as I have seen some situations when seniors are in their last moments I have yet to hear one mention they want their employer or their college president at their bed side at their last moments.

There are exceptions to everything but as a man I can speak for ALL women and say most women if given the choice would rather be home and available for their children.

As for switching it around as a man I can say ALL men would rather have their wife caring for the child rather than a daycare if given the choice.

Myself as I don't have children and don't want any and if I did I would want a stay at home wife but then there's the responsibility on my part to provide all the household needs which would be short term and long term. Besides it's not like I'm talking about 18 full years or more unless it's a litter of crumb-snatchers one after the other.

On another note with the way people are talking about contraceptives and legislation there just might be a new baby boom..if they are going to make it harder to get contraceptives for women they should ban alcohol. We all know what a couple of drinks will do to man. Please don't say men should take responsibility because as a man I can tell that is not going to work at least 30% of the time if left to a man. "Come on nothings going to happen". Nine months later....Waaaaa,,,waaaa, waaaa
 
Old 03-15-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
19,610 posts, read 20,121,182 times
Reputation: 20020
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
I can understand what your saying about throwing away 6 years of higher education but as I have seen some situations when seniors are in their last moments I have yet to hear one mention they want their employer or their college president at their bed side at their last moments.

There are exceptions to everything but as a man I can speak for ALL women and say most women if given the choice would rather be home and available for their children.

As for switching it around as a man I can say ALL men would rather have their wife caring for the child rather than a daycare if given the choice.

Myself as I don't have children and don't want any and if I did I would want a stay at home wife but then there's the responsibility on my part to provide all the household needs which would be short term and long term. Besides it's not like I'm talking about 18 full years or more unless it's a litter of crumb-snatchers one after the other.

On another note with the way people are talking about contraceptives and legislation there just might be a new baby boom..if they are going to make it harder to get contraceptives for women they should ban alcohol. We all know what a couple of drinks will do to man. Please don't say men should take responsibility because as a man I can tell that is not going to work at least 30% of the time if left to a man. "Come on nothings going to happen". Nine months later....Waaaaa,,,waaaa, waaaa
Wow what a loaded post. Ill just say, no, you cant speak for all women or all men. You can speak for yourself.

Really I just want to take a stab at the question in bold.
answer: make his noodle limp?
 
Old 03-15-2012, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,166 posts, read 22,212,347 times
Reputation: 44091
Quote:
There are exceptions to everything but as a man I can speak for ALL women and say most women if given the choice would rather be home and available for their children.

As for switching it around as a man I can say ALL men would rather have their wife caring for the child rather than a daycare if given the choice.
I don't think this could be even remotely true in an age where so many women have worked hard to earn college degrees and advance in their careers, some even to the point where they are the primary earner in the family. It isn't shameful for a career woman to be proud of what she's accomplished and not want to give that up, nor should it be solely the mother who has to make the sacrifices when it comes down to childcare.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 11:13 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,126,852 times
Reputation: 39643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
I can understand what your saying about throwing away 6 years of higher education but as I have seen some situations when seniors are in their last moments I have yet to hear one mention they want their employer or their college president at their bed side at their last moments.

There are exceptions to everything but as a man I can speak for ALL women and say most women if given the choice would rather be home and available for their children.

As for switching it around as a man I can say ALL men would rather have their wife caring for the child rather than a daycare if given the choice.

Myself as I don't have children and don't want any and if I did I would want a stay at home wife but then there's the responsibility on my part to provide all the household needs which would be short term and long term. Besides it's not like I'm talking about 18 full years or more unless it's a litter of crumb-snatchers one after the other.

On another note with the way people are talking about contraceptives and legislation there just might be a new baby boom..if they are going to make it harder to get contraceptives for women they should ban alcohol. We all know what a couple of drinks will do to man. Please don't say men should take responsibility because as a man I can tell that is not going to work at least 30% of the time if left to a man. "Come on nothings going to happen". Nine months later....Waaaaa,,,waaaa, waaaa


Even if you were a woman you couldn't speak for all women

Women, like men, are as different as snowflakes and not at all as alike as you seem to think.

Many don't have a maternal bone in their bodies. Many would just wither away and die without their careers. Many believe being a working mom sets the best example for their children.

Sure, many want to be home with their kids and view this as their highest calling in life, but certainly not all.
 
Old 03-15-2012, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
543 posts, read 962,072 times
Reputation: 450
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Crabcakes View Post
While I think the idea of having one parent stay home with the kids is great when you can afford, it also makes me wonder why does one find a spouse that makes enough money to afford this?

When I was single, while I met lots of successful guys that made good money, none were looking for anything serious and treated me like an afterthought. I finally met a man that adored me and treated me the way I like but he isn't remotely career-oriented and doesn't earn much. Many of my girlfriends also find that not only is meeting Mr. Right hard but meeting a Mr. Right that will earn enough to support a family is even tougher. The majority of my married friends are not in the financial position to live off one income. And these are not big spenders. Just folks me like trying to stay afloat in this new economy.

I think even if I made $20k more than I do now, I can't see taking care of all the bills, retirement, college savings, food, car insurance for 2 cars and still have savings for emergencies, the future, home repairs and pocket money so we all don't go crazy.

Where do you find these men that not only earn a lot but are willing to take that kind of financial responsibility on?
Sometimes they grow into it and may not be aware at the beginning of a relationship what they are capable of doing. I supported my artist husband for quite a few years, then the tables turned when the economy changed and he got a job that he likes and pays well, while my work evaporated.

Who knew? I think the key is to find a generous man who wants to please you. (Of course it works both ways) and then create a life together. There will most likely be changes along the way, for sure!
 
Old 03-15-2012, 11:28 AM
 
215 posts, read 258,454 times
Reputation: 100
If you have children, someone should be an at-home parent. Sometimes, financially speaking, it makes sense, especially with the cost of daycare.
In most cases, though, with the rising cost of everything, both need to work. But I also see most are not willing to make sacrifices or stick to budgets and need to drive that brand new, expensive car or have the lastest computers, phones, I-Pads. Make sacrifices... you can live without it..doing this, will allow someone to stay home.
Although I do see many parents who are able to stay home, but prefer to keep their careers. Make that choice before you have children. Kids today--especially today, need a parent at home! Family is more important than careers or $$$ or things!
If there are no children..I think both should work. But of course, that is IMO
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