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Old 04-22-2012, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX
4,464 posts, read 9,505,801 times
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It'd be a problem for me if I had a wife that would accept being a SAHM, I don't think it's healthy and it brings in an unhealthy imbalance in a relationship.

I'm not saying it doesn't work for some people, but it sure wouldn't work for me.

 
Old 04-23-2012, 07:55 AM
 
Location: NE PA
7,938 posts, read 13,426,183 times
Reputation: 4362
I don't think the issue is a stay at home wife, but I do think that a parent, whether mom or dad, should be home with the kids when they are younger. I don't believe kids should be raised in daycare centers unless its an absolute last resort (mainly for single parents). Plus, daycare costs are so high, its pretty much a financial wash....the lost income can be made up by the stay at home parent picking up a part-time job, rather than the kids being raised by some low-wage daycare center worker whose only concern for your child is that they're quiet.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
19,597 posts, read 20,115,621 times
Reputation: 19990
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Yuk View Post
I don't think the issue is a stay at home wife, but I do think that a parent, whether mom or dad, should be home with the kids when they are younger. I don't believe kids should be raised in daycare centers unless its an absolute last resort (mainly for single parents). Plus, daycare costs are so high, its pretty much a financial wash....the lost income can be made up by the stay at home parent picking up a part-time job, rather than the kids being raised by some low-wage daycare center worker whose only concern for your child is that they're quiet.
That wouldnt be a SAHM situation. Thats still having both parents working.
A stay at home parent does more than just "watch" the kids.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,457 posts, read 1,418,392 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aganusn View Post
No, I wasn't born in the 20s. I'm aware there are still men like this, though, and I don't care to associate with them.

Edit: Since someone may have a problem with me deciding not to associate with sexists: I can't respect a person who thinks someone shouldn't do what they want just because of the way they were born. It's wrong to assume someone should assume a role whether they want to or not in this context.
As a SAHM let me chime in.

Our situation came about because it was best for us. My husband never "demanded" that I strap on an apron and be barefoot and pregnant, but, once we had our first child, my husband was earning more than enough to support us, while what I brought home was only a few hundred more than gas and child care would add up to.

So, it was a financial decision, and, ultimately, I think our family is better for it.

For us, though, it could have just as easily been different. My husband could have stayed home if I were the breadwinner, or, we both could have worked.

Don't assume that all SAHM's are "kept women" who "submit to their husbands" in some backward sense.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,457 posts, read 1,418,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wilson513 View Post
I thought I did. But I was wrong. If a woman can stay at home full time, with or without kids, she is not a very interesting person. If she is, she will make mischief, which is probably worse.
Ridiculous.

I don't "make mischief"...my three kids do that.

However, I probably will try to do some type of part time or freelance work (I have experience in bookkeeping and accounting) once all three kids are in school during the day.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:28 AM
 
Location: NE PA
7,938 posts, read 13,426,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That wouldnt be a SAHM situation. Thats still having both parents working.
A stay at home parent does more than just "watch" the kids.
I mean a part time job when the other parent is at home. Any situation that avoids putting the kids in daycare is good with me, sometimes a family needs at least that second part-time income to make ends meet, especially if they have multiple kids. Trust me, I know a stay at home parent does more than "watch" the kids, as my wife stays home with our kids, but she will be starting a part time job in the fall when the kids will both be in school all day, just during school hours.

But it really ticks me off when I see how putting kids in daycare from infancy these days has become the norm....and many of these people who put their "careers" above their children live in new subdivisions, drive the latest SUVs, go on expensive vacations, when a simpler lifestyle would allow the kids to not be raised in daycare centers for 9-10 hours a day. These kids don't even really get a summer vacation of hanging out with their friends and having fun. And the parents by the time their commutes are over, get maybe 2 hours a night max with their kids during the week.

Last edited by Mr Yuk; 04-23-2012 at 08:43 AM..
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:34 AM
 
4,230 posts, read 5,789,416 times
Reputation: 5302
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Yuk View Post
I mean a part time job when the other parent is at home. Any situation that avoids putting the kids in daycare is good with me, sometimes a family needs at least that second part-time income to make ends meet, especially is they have multiple kids.

But it really ticks me off when I see how putting kids in daycare from infancy these days has become the norm....and many of these people who put their "careers" above their children live in new subdivisions, drive the latest SUVs, go on expensive vacations, when a simpler lifestyle would allow the kids to not be raised in daycare centers for 9-10 hours a day. These kids don't even really get a summer vacation of hanging out with their friends and having fun. And the parents by the time their commutes are over, get maybe 2 hours max with their kids during the week.
I was with a nanny from the time I was 2 months old then pre-school and kindergarten. I went to summer camp from 8-4 5 days a week every summer and loved every minute of it and wouldn't change a thing. I made life time friends and memories and learned to explore on my own and be independent.

There are flip sides to both situations, as I have dated quite a few mommas boys whose mothers were SAHM's. I'm not going to make a generalization about all kids raised by SAHM but these guys were needy, not independent, couldn't make a real decision to save their lives, at almost 30 they still called their mother once a day, the list goes on.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Geauga County, Ohio
1,457 posts, read 1,418,392 times
Reputation: 1373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Yuk View Post
I mean a part time job when the other parent is at home. Any situation that avoids putting the kids in daycare is good with me, sometimes a family needs at least that second part-time income to make ends meet, especially is they have multiple kids. Trust me, I know a stay at home parent dopes more than "watch" the kids, as my wife stays home with our kids, but she will be starting a part time job in the fall when the kids will both be in school all day, just during school hours.

But it really ticks me off when I see how putting kids in daycare from infancy these days has become the norm....and many of these people who put their "careers" above their children live in new subdivisions, drive the latest SUVs, go on expensive vacations, when a simpler lifestyle would allow the kids to not be raised in daycare centers for 9-10 hours a day. These kids don't even really get a summer vacation of hanging out with their friends and having fun. And the parents by the time their commutes are over, get maybe 2 hours max with their kids during the week.
I agree but will add one point...in some parts of the country, here SoCal being one, it sometimes takes two incomes just to scrape by in a mediocre neighborhood you won't get shot or mugged in.

I'm thankful every day that my husband made the career choices he did.

Of course, once we move to Ohio I expect to see at least a somewhat higher percentage of SAHMs since real estate is cheaper there.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
19,597 posts, read 20,115,621 times
Reputation: 19990
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Yuk View Post
I mean a part time job when the other parent is at home. Any situation that avoids putting the kids in daycare is good with me, sometimes a family needs at least that second part-time income to make ends meet, especially if they have multiple kids. Trust me, I know a stay at home parent dopes more than "watch" the kids, as my wife stays home with our kids, but she will be starting a part time job in the fall when the kids will both be in school all day, just during school hours.

But it really ticks me off when I see how putting kids in daycare from infancy these days has become the norm....and many of these people who put their "careers" above their children live in new subdivisions, drive the latest SUVs, go on expensive vacations, when a simpler lifestyle would allow the kids to not be raised in daycare centers for 9-10 hours a day. These kids don't even really get a summer vacation of hanging out with their friends and having fun. And the parents by the time their commutes are over, get maybe 2 hours a night max with their kids during the week.
That still seems as though one parent has two jobs, one keeping the home and kids plus an outside job when the other spouse gets home. Not much different than two working parents with different shifts.

My mom was a SAH for most of our lives. Dad worked an extra part-time job in the evenings and weekends. I dont have much memory of being at home with mom before I started school. I do cherish the memories of having her there for lunch and after school. But I also remember dad not being around much and when he was he was tired and grumpy a lot.

I think its common for parents to stay home for the first few years after having children and then going back to work.
 
Old 04-23-2012, 09:00 AM
 
460 posts, read 541,142 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That still seems as though one parent has two jobs, one keeping the home and kids plus an outside job when the other spouse gets home. Not much different than two working parents with different shifts.

My mom was a SAH for most of our lives. Dad worked an extra part-time job in the evenings and weekends. I dont have much memory of being at home with mom before I started school. I do cherish the memories of having her there for lunch and after school. But I also remember dad not being around much and when he was he was tired and grumpy a lot.

I think its common for parents to stay home for the first few years after having children and then going back to work.
Agree. Most people I know have taken both roles. I'm currently a SAHM but I plan on returning to work when both kids are in elementary school. I know a lot of people in similar situations.

And, Findly, what's wrong with a man calling his mom once a day? My husband usually calls his mom on the way to work every morning. I love his mom. She's the best, and I have no problem with him doing that. I think it's sweet. In no way is he a Mamas boy.
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