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Old 03-12-2012, 12:02 PM
 
4,848 posts, read 7,357,795 times
Reputation: 5692

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
If you want to believe that every single stay at home mom will be cheated on and "left for the secretary" or that they get "no appreciation" that's your choice.

I'm just here to tell you that this is not true.
It might have happened but I have yet to hear of any man leaving a woman who was a great cook. looks tend to go with age but a good cook only becomes a better cook. For the stay at home spouse it the 2F's. Feed him and _____ him.. That man isn't going anywhere because he's going to rush home for one or the other. As for the kids most men like to be met at the door by the crumb snatchers.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:02 PM
 
6,524 posts, read 6,813,129 times
Reputation: 3759
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aganusn View Post
No, I wasn't born in the 20s. I'm aware there are still men like this, though, and I don't care to associate with them.

Edit: Since someone may have a problem with me deciding not to associate with sexists: I can't respect a person who thinks someone shouldn't do what they want just because of the way they were born. It's wrong to assume someone should assume a role whether they want to or not in this context.
Do you consider roles in dating sexist as well?
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:03 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 11,027,491 times
Reputation: 7588
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
If you want to believe that every single stay at home mom will be cheated on and "left for the secretary" or that they get "no appreciation" that's your choice.

I'm just here to tell you that this is not even close to being true in most cases.

I didn't say every single one. And yes that would be my choice if I did.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:05 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,712 posts, read 11,027,491 times
Reputation: 7588
Quote:
Originally Posted by nuala View Post
She means that after years-decades of not using a degree, and not having recent experience, it's nearly worthless.

And I may agree, if not for the fact that decades later, she is a different woman anyways. She may have different priorities, her life may have changed her in the ways she never imagined before. Plus, the economy will have changed over time, and it doesn't really matter anymore what diploma she used to have.

Working for all those years instead may have jaded her, as well, made her feel she's entrapped in this only field.

Yes that's what I meant exactly. I got right out of college and had a very hard time finding a job -- 15, 20 years out of work looking for a full time job? It's not that easy. Just saying a lot of these women put themselves at a disadvantage by relying on a man day in and day out for their well being, when they repeatedly leave their wives and kids. Too risky for me but like I said it's every woman's choice.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:05 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 4,912,252 times
Reputation: 1960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
In my opinion there is a huge difference between being a stay at home Mother and a stay at home wife.

Staying at home to look after your children is beneficial, staying at home to play housewife is lazy. While two people can be working and building equity and a good financial base, they should be doing that. There is simply no excuse for women to stay at home and eat bonbons all day.
I don't see anything wrong with a stay-at-home wife.

If the husband desires that his wife is available most of the day and wife agrees, what is the problem?

I don't stay home anymore because I wanted to work. I do work part-time but I could tell that being available makes a big difference day-to-day.

We consider being available a responsibility for both husband and wife. We just split it up.

If I was home all the time, I could see why most of the responsibility would fall on me.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,879 posts, read 7,916,856 times
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Ok. For the people who say having a SAHM means coming home to a clean house and home cooked meals, are their no working parents who do this?

My husband and I both work full-time but I insist on a perfectly clean house and tidy up everyday (I even scrub the 2 litterboxes daily) and my husband cooks most of the meals (he's making salmon salad for dinner tonight). We don't yet have kids but this will not change when we do (I'm a neatnik and he's a foodie).

Is there a general assumption that working parents can't also acheive a regularly clean home and homecooked meals?
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co. TN
29,508 posts, read 26,022,109 times
Reputation: 26728
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
It's interesting...I had a SAHM, but never assumed that it was a financially plausible option for me, as a woman. When my mom did it, it was barely doable...we were very frugal and did without, in terms of frills and extras, to make it work. It's certainly exponentially less doable, now. My SO, on the other hand, was a latchkey kid...both parents worked full time, and his mom was also a student, finishing her bachelor's and completing a master's while raising him and his younger brothers. When he was 13, his parents split, and she was doing it all completely on her own.

Flash forward, my SO is the one who aspires for me to be a SAHM, should we become parents. He would vastly prefer that I "not have to work." I just assumed I would always have to, though. I supposed time will tell. I think, for him, it's personal measure of how well he feels he's doing in his job, if his partner doesn't "have to" work. I think it's kind of a silly benchmark, personally, but I don't pretend to understand the way some guys have so much of their self-worth tied up in what they earn.
I wonder why the husbands automatically feel they would want their wife to stay home if they have children. Do any actually consider that they would stay home once there are children.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,234 posts, read 33,919,058 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WyoNewk View Post
I don't believe that growing up at a daycare center damaged our kids in any way. In fact, it probably helped them become well balanced, independent and outgoing.
My mom was mostly SAH and sent me to daycare at 2.5. The daycare was right next to her office, so she could stop by at any time and check on me.

I think daycare is extremely important for kids. They get exposed to all of the germs and learn how to socialize. It makes adjusting to school a lot easier. When it was time for kindergarten, I ran off with hardly a wayward glance to my parents.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:08 PM
 
6,524 posts, read 6,813,129 times
Reputation: 3759
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
staying at home to play housewife is lazy. While two people can be working and building equity and a good financial base, they should be doing that. There is simply no excuse for women to stay at home and eat bonbons all day.
Exactly. I said this before but nobody liked it. Some might make it sound as if it was the most difficult thing out there.
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,879 posts, read 7,916,856 times
Reputation: 5159
Another question I have is for households in which the husband works so the wife can pursue her passions and interests, what about his passions and interests (assuming that work does not fulfill this)? What does the husband get out of this situation if he works to benefit her lifestyle?

The ability to say he does just that?
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