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I definitely prefer a stay at home spouse. My mom was a single mother who worked too much to ever watch over us. I was raised by a baby sitter which kind of sucks. To have a stay at home dad or mom, would be ideal. However, this is only if you can afford it.
I hope that I someday have a stay at home wife. If she makes more then me, I would gladly be a stay at home dad.
THIS is the right attitude
The marriage and family should come first, and wise couples do what it takes to make that happen.
I think it's very hard these day and ages for any parent to stay at home. There are the usual exceptions, but money wise, it would be too difficult. I'm not married, but I live with my girl. We both work. We both have children, well she only has one, I have two. But from different people. If I was married to my ex, or if I had married my ex, where we lived we couldn't afford to keep one of us home.
I don't think it's as practical as it once was. My parents both worked. My girlfriend and I both work. I think unless your pretty wealthy, there's not even a choice involved. It would be nice if we lived in an era' where only one spouse had to work..
It's not a bad thing however, if someone were a stay at home "mom", or "dad". I think it would probably help the kids having a parent around for their early years.
It's not a good or a bad thing. It's more a, "is it practical" sort of thing?" Can we afford it?
Miss Crabcakes...I grew up in an entirely different environment than you... me and my friends all had moms who stayed at home....I don't agree with you when you say that one parent works and pays for everything...not at all....my mom may not have worked out of the house..but her work in the house was (at least) as valuable to our home as my "working" fathers was....I feel that she may not have "made" any money....but the money she "saved"..by staying home with us children, was huge...I feel that children should have at least one of their parents at home to guide them.....I also believe if you choose to stay home with the little ones yourself (rather than pay someone else)you'll have chosen the most difficult...yet rewarding job..you'll probably ever know.
If she wanted to stay home and take care of the kids or if she wanted to go out and get job.
My father was the one that worked all the time and made the money; My mom took care of me and my siblings and it is not an easy job. Being a house wife is really hard work; cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids all the time. Some men can't seem to understand how hard it is to stay at home and take care of the house; when you work, you punch in, you punch out and you go home, that's it, you are done. When you are a housewife there is no such thing... the work is constant and steady.
I have a lot of respect for housewives and I would never think they are freeloading; they truly work hard to maintain a home.
I would say I would leave it up to her and I would respect the decision either way.
Miss Crabcakes...I grew up in an entirely different environment than you... me and my friends all had moms who stayed at home....I don't agree with you when you say that one parent works and pays for everything...not at all....my mom may not have worked out of the house..but her work in the house was (at least) as valuable to our home as my "working" fathers was....I feel that she may not have "made" any money....but the money she "saved"..by staying home with us children, was huge...I feel that children should have at least one of their parents at home to guide them.....I also believe if you choose to stay home with the little ones yourself (rather than pay someone else)you'll have chosen the most difficult...yet rewarding job..you'll probably ever know.
Not married, but to answer the question no, I do not prefer stay at home partner. First, there is financial side, I do not like the pressure of being a single provider, I feel more relaxed knowing that we won't be out on the street if anything happens to my job, plus, it's very hard to buy a house, raise a family, put kids through college, and have enough saved for retirement all on a single income. Second, I would want to be with someone strong and independent, an equal, someone who wanted to be with me because she wanted to, not because she needed to, someone with ambition beyond being a stay at home mom. Third, I do not subscribe to the theory that having one stay at home parent is better for raising children. I think that stay at home parent would encourage unhealthy dependency on parents, think helicopter parenting style. I believe children should be raised independent, they should be allowed to make their own mistakes (within reason), they should have as much social interaction from early age (kindergarten) as possible instead of being cuddled at home, parents should be there for the kid, but they should be a guiding hand only, they should not make decisions for their kids, they should not run kids' lives. Of course that implies a healthy work-live balance from the parent side, someone working two jobs can't possibly do that, however, as long as parents have time after work to socialize with kids, help with homework, their problems, etc, I think that is actually better for the kids than stay at home parent.
The "ladies of leisure" thread got me thinking about the breadwinner husbands in the deal where they work to support the entire family and the wife stays home to raise kids and tend to the home.
I didn't grow up in an environment where this was common and grew up thinking both parents were supposed to work and when I was older and heard of the SAHM concept, I thought it was odd; to have one parent work and pay for everything. I've since opened up and better understand but I still wonder sometimes if the husband ever feels some resentment from having to shoulder the full financial burden. I know I'm the breadwinner in the family (as well as the chief financial officer) and I don't care for it. I don't like the pressure of knowing that without my paycheck, we would not have a home.
So for the men, if you earned enough to support an entire family, would you prefer your wife to stay home? What about when the kids are school-aged? Are there any men who would prefer their wives to work and help with finances?
Just curious.
I'd never want a stay at home wife while I worked outside of the home full time. I prefer to be a self employed, stay at home dad. Best of both worlds.
I think it is great to have a stay at home spouse. My mom worked part time off and on whrn I was growing up, mainly during school hours. She was mostly SAH until I was around 12 or 13, then she was actually gone when I got home from school for an hour or 2. She didn't work full time until I started driving at age 17.
I am not volunteering to stay at home though, so I guess it would need to be my husband.
I would want my wife to work if I could support the whole family. I don't plan on having kids but I would want my wife to stay home if it made more financial sense to do so with the cost of daycare when they were small, then once they become school-age to go back to work.
You better hope she's honest and doesn't change her mind once the kids become school-age. I know too many who thought like you and were surprised later.
In my opinion there is a huge difference between being a stay at home Mother and a stay at home wife.
Staying at home to look after your children is beneficial, staying at home to play housewife is lazy. While two people can be working and building equity and a good financial base, they should be doing that. There is simply no excuse for women to stay at home and eat bonbons all day.
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