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I have a college friend who has been engaged no less than 4 times and is under the age of 30.
She has a history of anorexia & bulimia & has been diagnosed with Bipolar II, OCD, and chronic depression. She has many, many other physical health problems. She ends up in the hospital every other month or so (I wish I was exaggerating).
She also has never fully supported herself financially. She either lives with her parents or her current SO. All of her expensive possessions (car, computer, etc) have been bought for her by someone else. She doesn't cook, often doesn't clean, but has been a stay-at-home-girlfriend in many of her relationships.
She gets jobs easily because she is charming, but they don't last long because of her sickliness. She can't settle on what she wants to do for a career. She has gone to school for at least 5 things & has several licenses & degrees under her belt, all of which have racked up some serious debt. She has a certain amount of book smarts & is socially savvy too, but I wouldn't say she is exceptionally intelligent.
She is pretty in the face, but not stunningly gorgeous. When she is NOT gorging or starving herself, then her body size is slender. She has a "banana" shaped body that is rather average, IMO.
So what is the appeal of this woman? She is never single long, she moves in with these men about a month after meeting them, and within 2-4 months they are engaged. The relationship lasts on average about 2 years, with the guy pushing for marriage the whole time. She is always the one to end it. They beg her not to leave, beg her to come back, and often don't let go until they've realized she's moving onto someone else. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen a lot of it. When we'd go out in college, she'd get hit on constantly (maybe she looks easy? ).
To add to it, she has very specific standards in terms of looks & money. She'll only date a guy who is at least 6'0 tall, has "abs" & muscular arms (meathead types :cough: ), makes a good living, & drives a nice car. The guys she likes are not exactly brilliant or classy, but the point is, she doesn't go for just anyone.
My theory on how this happens is:
1) She manages to be/appear healthy for the first 2 months or so of a relationship. She even puts on a "party girl" persona, when in reality she's in home in bed a lot. Then, once the guy is hooked & committed, she starts getting ill again. It seems like her timing for getting ill is no accident...
2) She has a knack for picking guys who want to save/protect her, or she brings this out in them. So her health issues just become some outlet for their inner hero. I'm sure they'd feel guilt about leaving her, and somehow, her health crises tends to bond them. Anytime there is an argument, she falls ill, gets sympathy, and then wins the argument (her terms are met).
3) While pretty, she acts like she is super hot. Her food/body issues reveal her deep insecurities, but on the surface (around men anyway) she seems confident & comfortable with herself. She puts into people's heads that she is gorgeous; I've seen her do it. Funny how this actually works...
4) She has a bubbly, flirty, cutesy personality. She does the cute, dumb thing a lot, which apparently is really appealing to a lot of men. I suppose this offsets the seriousness of all her issues too...
I don't know what other voodoo spells she casts...
I think Sierra is spot on in her assessment, but then maybe I'm just grasping for some logical explanation.
There we go... Just out of curiosity, what kind of men are they really? You said what she likes, but is it what she gets?
I think you might be on to something there. I have felt that with some guys I've had to downplay my accomplishments so that they don't get intimidated. It sucks
This is true. I've intimidated my share of men by just using college words.
I think it works both ways too. The Florence Nightingale effect so to speak.
Sometimes there are guys that women feel they need to "save".
Yeah, that was a little out of left field... I just responded on a side note to the general question about whether men are turned off by neediness because I find such women very annoying! However, they're very successful, I have to admit.
Have you not noticed how many men are happily married to such damsels, though?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
I read an interesting opinion in some book - that men stay with the women they "invest" in, and that's not about money per se. They don't get that attached to those of us who can take care of ourselves. Hey, should we go our separate ways, we'll continue taking care of ourselves... no biggie... They can't leave "the poor soul" who "needs" them and can't breathe without them!
Narcissists are needy and successful, it feeds his ego and hers.
You, guys, should watch the new show on ABC GCB (stands for Good Christian Bit*ches). That's the sort of women married to good AND wealthy men! Granted, one of them is a little bisexual (come to think of it, in the 2nd episode it looked like he was totally gay...) and has a lover on the side she seems to know about, but the appearances are flawless!
You, guys, should watch the new show on ABC GCB (stands for Good Christian Bit*ches). That's the sort of women married to good AND wealthy men! Granted, one of them is a little bisexual and has a lover on the side she seems to know about, but the appearances are flawless!
Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
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my roommate who was a big **** had an incurable STD and got proposed to 3 times by lawyers etc and they all knew ..here i am, cant even get a boyfriend
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Just out of curiosity, what kind of men are they really? You said what she likes, but is it what she gets?
