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View Poll Results: Is it appropriate for a man to "tell his date how to dress"?
Woman answering: It depends on what's said and how. 8 13.56%
Woman answering: It is inappropriate no matter what's said or how. 24 40.68%
Man answering: It depends on what's said and how. 19 32.20%
Man answering: It is inappropriate no matter what's said or how. 8 13.56%
Voters: 59. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-12-2012, 11:47 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 55,081,617 times
Reputation: 22813

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Though somewhat off-topic, I would agree that the same rules apply to women telling men "how to dress" as would apply to men telling women. I'm sure some men would get annoyed by it, but others wouldn't mind it an awful lot if the woman didn't seem like she was trying to control him.
The difference is more women than men know how to dress.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:48 PM
 
6,051 posts, read 5,380,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
You don't have to be a priest or rabbi to prefer the girl you are with doesn't have the attention of every man in sight.
Yeah, okay.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:48 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,524 posts, read 8,373,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
The difference is more women than men know how to dress.
I'm not so sure. 20 years ago I would have agreed. Now, I don't think so.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:49 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,524 posts, read 8,373,542 times
Reputation: 8079
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
You don't have to be a priest or rabbi to prefer the girl you are with doesn't have the attention of every man in sight.
Yes, and a lot of women WANT attention. That's a fact.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:50 PM
 
Location: TX
5,926 posts, read 2,434,939 times
Reputation: 2557
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
The difference is more women than men know how to dress.
Or they just know how to play the "You're too controlling" card better than men...
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:50 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,083 posts, read 951,966 times
Reputation: 847
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple View Post
The point of dating is to get to know someone & to see if you're compatible (or at least, that's the point for those seeking a relationship). This is HER taste & her idea of appropriateness. Her choices are saying a LOT about her.

Hypothetically, you keep dating; are you going to tell her what to wear forever?
Do you think the mentality & taste which led her to choose such an outfit will not come out in other ways down the road?

Telling someone what to wear on a date serves no purpose. It's one thing to let them know what is normal in a situation (ie. "this restaurant is rather dressy") or practical (ie. "we'll be walking a lot, so you may want to wear comfortable shoes"), and another to tell them specifically what you'd like, based on your taste. If someone is vulgar, then they are vulgar. If they are a prude, then they are a prude. If they have bad taste, then they have bad taste. You're not going to change that by creating a dress code.

---

My ex-bf suggested certain clothing on our first date. He mostly worded it in terms of what kind of place we were going to, but he got too specific, which I found bizarre. I told him not to worry about it. He said he just wanted to make sure I'd look "better than him". I said, teasingly, "I'm the woman; I will always looks better than you". I learned later that his ex was a plain jane. I am not...so he stopped giving me "suggestions" when he saw I could dress myself. A part of me thinks he would actually prefer someone he has to dress, because his SO is often a fixture to make him look good, not someone he's actually admiring/enjoying himself.
I don't think the purpose of the post is to indicate you would be picking outfits that she wear each time. But I know when I go out with my wife sometimes it used to be an issue because she likes to really get dressed up and look sexy. I don't really like that. It made me feel like she was doing it to attract the attention of other guys. She always assured me that it just made her feel sexy and that she was doing it for me. Which didn't make a ton of sense to me, because I find her much sexier in jeans and a tight t-shirt. But I've had to learn that I need to give her some space to be who she is. So I don't talk about it when she is getting dressed, but we have talked about it. So she knows how I feel. Because it was done in the right way we've been able to come to a compromise and now I love what she wears almost every time that we go out. She doesn't go overboard (in my opinion) with the sexy, but I don't insist on too conservative a look either.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:53 PM
 
Location: Webster Groves, MO
1,083 posts, read 951,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
Yeah, okay.

Well I feel that way and can assure you I'm neither a priest nor rabbi. So can you elaborate on what your incredibly insightful reply means?
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:56 PM
 
6,051 posts, read 5,380,968 times
Reputation: 5299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0 View Post
Though somewhat off-topic, I would agree that the same rules apply to women telling men "how to dress" as would apply to men telling women. I'm sure some men would get annoyed by it, but others wouldn't mind it an awful lot if the woman didn't seem like she was trying to control him.
I don't deal with men that have horrible wardrobe choices. If you become my BOYFRIEND, then I might buy you some items to wear that I like, but that's as far as it goes. You still need to be aware of what looks good on you and how to dress for certain functions. If it's something specific, I'll let you know.

I don't do men who wear speedos.


Quote:
That's more or less how I see it. Some feel that only at a certain point in the relationship, a man obtains the right to mention this. But isn't it better to save time and effort by bringing any "dealbreakers" to light early on? To know of any irreconcilable differences before the divorce, in a manner of speaking
Hmmm, does this include things like oral sex being mandatory?

For "some" people this is more important than whether or not someone dresses modest or immodestly.
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:00 AM
 
Location: TX
5,926 posts, read 2,434,939 times
Reputation: 2557
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
I don't think the purpose of the post is to indicate you would be picking outfits that she wear each time. But I know when I go out with my wife sometimes it used to be an issue because she likes to really get dressed up and look sexy. I don't really like that. It made me feel like she was doing it to attract the attention of other guys. She always assured me that it just made her feel sexy and that she was doing it for me. Which didn't make a ton of sense to me, because I find her much sexier in jeans and a tight t-shirt. But I've had to learn that I need to give her some space to be who she is. So I don't talk about it when she is getting dressed, but we have talked about it. So she knows how I feel. Because it was done in the right way we've been able to come to a compromise and now I love what she wears almost every time that we go out. She doesn't go overboard (in my opinion) with the sexy, but I don't insist on too conservative a look either.
In other words, some women out there can hear a man out on his feelings and not run away screaming. As ironic as it may sound, I think this is a beautiful example of real, down-to-earth compatibility.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
Hmmm, does this include things like oral sex being mandatory? For "some" people this is more important than whether or not someone dresses modest or immodestly.
Oh the dude can mention it! Absolutely. I gotta figure that even more women would be offended by the mention of mandatory oral sex on a first date than of her revealing attire. But then, judging from the results here so far, maybe not
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:01 AM
 
6,051 posts, read 5,380,968 times
Reputation: 5299
Quote:
Originally Posted by scocar View Post
Well I feel that way and can assure you I'm neither a priest nor rabbi. So can you elaborate on what your incredibly insightful reply means?
Like you said, YOU are NOT comfortable when you're wife looks sexy, because you don't like the attention she receives.

You like her best in t-shirt and jeans. I'm assuming you met her dressed this way?

How do you feel about makeup? Can the t-shirt and jeans be form-fitting or do you prefer loose and somewhat shapeless?
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