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Thank you for all your contributions. This is my last contribution though I’ll still read what you’ve got to say.
We are certainly a paranoid bunch of people. Fatal car accidents are frequent and especially the 80 miles that they needed to travel back to the airport is dotted with crosses where people died in car crashes. A car breaking down can also be serious over here and is no laughing matter due to roadside crime. That’s why we tend to be quite serious about people answering their phones. When I’m away for work we normally phone each other once during the day and once in the evening just to make sure that everyone is at home and settled. In my work environment we never switch off our cells not even in meetings.
The coworker/colleague is someone I know very well and I just told him I’m worried about her whereabouts not asked him to spy on her. Phoning him was the right thing because he knew exactly where she was.
I’m worried about the emasculating effect that someone has brought up. But know that in our time together she definitely saw the best and worst of me of which today can probably count as one of the worst.
I don’t think that I seriously thought she’s cheating on me - but still. And my insecurity probably is from me feeling old and she still sparkling and attractive.
Regarding the party: I’ve been to a few so I know what’s going on. And there is a lot of drinking for which I can testify myself from last time I had a drinking match with a director’s wife who drank me under the table.
Still she’s home now and not too mad but I’ll have to work on my insecurity.
Oh yes one last thing. The seminar ended last night and all this and my real frenzy started this morning so she wasn’t really on official business today except for a meeting this morning. Still I was jealous/insecure for a couple of days before.
Regarding the bolded: I find this very interesting. You don't think it's inappropriate to have a drinking match with a director's wife but you feel it's inappropriate for your wife to go on this trip that she organized for her job. SMH.
I got about three pages in and par for the course around here lots of angry responses.
It's normal for men and women to feel a glimmer of doubt or insecurity when a spouse is going off for a weekend away on their own where there will be drinking, dancing, and a good time to be had by all. The OP swallowed his insecurities and agreed to stay home while she went on to enjoy her weekend. He shares his hidden concerns with a forum of strangers and gets flogged like a baby seal. Often by people who haven't been in a relationship their entire lives, or at least haven't been the other half of a successful relationship in the last decade or two. Bitter know-it-alls who chime in with such toxic negativity on nearly every thread.
That aside, if the OP is still reading this thread (can't imagine why he'd bother), don't sweat it. Be proud that you have a lovely wife who you still adore, and will be coming home to you. Jealousy is a normal reaction, most people won't admit they have been jealous at one time or other in their adult life. Hell, many won't admit they have any flaws whatsoever on this forum, so take their "advice" with a grain of salt. Glaze past the angry birds and listen to some of the wiser owls who have offered some level headed advice on this board already.
You know I love ya, but I have to disagree about jealousy being "normal" at this guys stage of life and marriage. It might happen, but it's not the norm.
Jealousy is something young, insecure, inexperienced people go through.
He has admitted he is feeling "old" and that this is what apparently brought on his insecurity and panic/anxiety. I'm really hoping he's snapped out of this by today and is getting a grip on himself
I'm still with Branson on this. You others can take it as you wish. It's NOT normal behavior to ignore your phone for that long. Maybe your husbands should disappear for a week and do that to you. *Case closed*
He has...and it wasn't a big deal.
I don't really see what the issue is. If I know he's going on a trip for work and he's traveling with people, then I don't assume the worst. He's not stupid enough to run off with another woman on his trip and if he dropped dead, one of his coworkers would call me.
You know I love ya, but I have to disagree about jealousy being "normal" at this guys stage of life and marriage. It might happen, but it's not the norm.
Jealousy is something young, insecure, inexperienced people go through.
He has admitted he is feeling "old" and that this is what apparently brought on his insecurity and panic/anxiety. I'm really hoping he's snapped out of this by today and is getting a grip on himself
Actually, it is quite normal for people of all ages Loves. It's how to you react to your jealousy that makes the difference. People of all ages experieince jealousy, and it is normal for couples who have been together for decades to still experience jealousy. The OP's reactions were mild compared to some of the extremes out there.
Whatever it is that draws two people to one another will develop the nature of the jealousy they experience. If you think back 20 or 30 years to the time you first met try to remember the way you felt. What was it that attracted you? What was it that made you think that this is the person want to share your life with? What was the most important thing the relationship gave you? A feeling of security or being respected? A sense of fulfillment and safety? Of being desired?
Now come back to the present and consider the most compelling aspect of your jealousy...the most painful thoughts and feelings linked to your jealousy or that of your spouse. Is it a fear of being left for someone else? Humiliation? Withering self-esteem?
Your jealousy is often linked to what drew you to this person in the first place and what has kept you together all these years. A moment of weakness on his part certainly doesn't warrant someone summing up his entire persona in one line of crude insults from some of the usual suspects here.
Actually, it is quite normal for people of all ages Loves. It's how to you react to your jealousy that makes the difference. People of all ages experieince jealousy, and it is normal for couples who have been together for decades to still experience jealousy. The OP's reactions were mild compared to some of the extremes out there.
Whatever it is that draws two people to one another will develop the nature of the jealousy they experience. If you think back 20 or 30 years to the time you first met try to remember the way you felt. What was it that attracted you? What was it that made you think that this is the person want to share your life with? What was the most important thing the relationship gave you? A feeling of security or being respected? A sense of fulfillment and safety? Of being desired?
Now come back to the present and consider the most compelling aspect of your jealousy...the most painful thoughts and feelings linked to your jealousy or that of your spouse. Is it a fear of being left for someone else? Humiliation? Withering self-esteem?
Your jealousy is often linked to what drew you to this person in the first place and what has kept you together all these years. A moment of weakness on his part certainly doesn't warrant someone summing up his entire persona in one line of crude insults from some of the usual suspects here.
Completely agree he seems to have had a "moment of weakness", and I do hope it's gone now and he and his wife are over it
I appreciate your thoughtful comments on jealousy. I just believe most spiritually and emotionally mature folks don't ever experience it. Though maybe it's like you said, they just know how to "react" to it and nip it in the earliest pangs of it
OP, just because someone flirts with me doesn't mean I respond. Just because others are drinking and partying, doesn't mean I have anything to drink. If I were in your wife's place, I'd ignore guys flirting with me and would focus on my job, or on networking, or would maybe leave the party and take a walk on the beach.
What would you do if you were in her place? Would you be trustworthy? Or would you knock back a few drinks with the guys, and then not remember what happened next? I wonder if your problem is more about you than her.
This is exactly why women in some Muslim countries aren't allowed to have jobs at all, and certainly none where they travel independently to conferences and meetings unescorted. Because their husbands feel a compulsive need to control them. So, no careers, ladies, unless it's in a field where you're only in women's or children's company. Is this what you want for your wife, OP--to keep her on a leash? Lucky her
i let my wife go off to concerts by herself and let her have male friends. Its a little word called "trust".
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