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I work with public contracts and bids, so I work with many engineers, though I'm not one myself, and um, the body's not QUITE what it was back in my 20s when I worked on 42nd, lolol, but it could be worse. And no, I work with a lot of men and I can't think of a single one who is not married or attached. Nice, responsible men are simply not single at this age. Friendships, yes, lunch buddies, yes, but there aren't any potential dating partners in my world.
So expand your world. Men do become widowed or divorced at this age, and the divorce isn't always their fault. Some singles around this age join a church just for the socializing. Try hobby groups, hiking groups, etc. You have a lot going for you. It would be said to give up on yourself.
So expand your world. Men do become widowed or divorced at this age, and the divorce isn't always their fault. Some singles around this age join a church just for the socializing. Try hobby groups, hiking groups, etc. You have a lot going for you. It would be sad to give up on yourself.
It's not that I have given up on myself exactly. I've just tried harder to accept the way things are and to not waste too much precious time hoping any longer. Ruth, it's been more than ten years since my divorce--just how long can someone keep telling themselves that it will happen any day now?
By the way, everyone makes those same suggestions with the assumption that we're not already doing those things. I joined a church when I moved to where I am (I had to move about sixty miles from where I lived most of my life and I only knew one person in this area, and I work about fifty miles away, so I had to find some social contacts so I wouldn't become a hermit!) As a matter of fact, I'm cooking something right now for our church picnic later. Churches, however, are full of single women! I'm an Episcopalian--hell, even our priests are married, lol. I used Meetup.com to find people with similar interests, so I belong to a local writers group, and I just joined an improv group that some of us are trying to get off the ground. Since I'm a WTC survivor, I took the training to do tours at the memorial and am trying to work out a schedule to do more of that, as well. (And I will visit the Pentagon memorial in solidarity with those survivors next week, as well.) I'm not hiding from the world, and I am going to proceed with life whether I'm alone or not. But I'm not proceeding with the idea that all this is to find a man. I have given up on looking and on hoping for the most part, not to be negative, but to face reality. However, I'm not giving up on looking for interesting things to do just because I have to do them alone.
I think the term "ugly" sometimes gets tossed around pretty casually. Sometimes it just means "not my type".
That's very true. There are those that most people would agree are attractive people, and those that most people would agree are unattractive, but I think the majority of people fall somewhere in between.
I always liken looking at people to getting used to a new computer screen after a tech guy at work said once, "It's just a matter of getting used to what you are looking at." At first it looks foreign and it's not what you are used to. But after a while, especially as you get to know a person, they become more than that first "screen" that looked so odd and different. The face becomes familiar.
I thought of that one day when I was watching a TV show about a cop whose face was burned beyond recognition and he continued to work after his recovery. He has no hair, no eyebrows, and face is completely scarred. At first it was hard to look at him, but by the end of the show when you knew what a warm, dedicated, courageous human being he was, his face was familiar and not repulsive at all. And that's an extreme case. Most people considered unattractive are not THAT hard to look at.
Also, the opinion of another person can be hurtful, so sometimes you need a second opinion. I remember once that my husband handed me a little tin of wood putty, the stuff you use to fill in holes and scratches on wood, and said I should use that on my face to fill in the acne scars. He thought it was hilarious, but I was so ashamed--I felt that I must be in denial about just how bad my face looked for him to say that. Many a truth is spoken in jest. The next day I made an appointment to see a dermatologist to talk about having dermabrasion done. The doctor talked me out of it--he said my skin wasn't bad enough to warrant dermabrasion and I should just use makeup to cover the imperfections. When I went home and told my husband what the doctor had said, he started stumbling and mumbling and trying to backtrack, saying that he "felt bad" that I'd gone to the dermatologist because of what he said. So WTF did you say it for? Just how did you think I was going to react to something like that???? Obviously, you said it because you were embarrassed about the way your wife looked. Anyway, I did value the doctor's opinion over my husband's!
And even after ten years, I'm SO glad not to be married to him anymore.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 07-29-2012 at 08:13 AM..
A WTC survivor--wow! I wonder if someone should start a thread on that...
I've written about it on here before (not in the Relationships forum, obviously). Probably around one of the anniversaries. About 15,000 of us got out of those buildings before they collapsed.
Love yourself. When you appreciate yourself then others will have no other choice but see who you are inside and the good one's judge you by your heart and character. If you are trying to attract gold-diggers then be prepared to pay lots of money for temporary attention.
How can you love yourself when all you've been told your entire life is how ugly you are? It's hard to love something that cannot be loved. Let's face it - most people look either attractive or normal and don't have these kinds of issues. Finding love for most people usually just happens and people take these things in their stride. For an ugly person, that doesn't happen. You tell us to love ourselves, which is tantamount to telling someone to love a turd. No matter which way you slice it, a turd is still a turd.
I have been 15 years single. I am from NYC and live in Cheyenne Wyoming and what is attractive in Cheyenne is not what the standards of NYC are. I have a son who is Autistic and he is important, but I have not made many friends out here because like I said, people here are intimidated and the women are just catty and petty.
Talk about Transplant. Move bCk to nyc, theres lots of thirsty, horny, single men over here.
How can you love yourself when all you've been told your entire life is how ugly you are? It's hard to love something that cannot be loved. Let's face it - most people look either attractive or normal and don't have these kinds of issues. Finding love for most people usually just happens and people take these things in their stride. For an ugly person, that doesn't happen. You tell us to love ourselves, which is tantamount to telling someone to love a turd. No matter which way you slice it, a turd is still a turd.
Completely agreed. When you go for so many years with people telling you you're unattractive or ugly and unwanted it has to mean something. Just this last weekend I was able to go to a nice, relaxing getaway with a few friends. We stopped at a horseback riding trail place because me and the two other girls didn't want to sit and watch the boys fish (I didn't have my fishing license with me, otherwise I would have gone) and they ran inside to check prices. I stayed in the SUV and when they left, one of the guys said 'Do you think JetJockey will be able to ride the horses? Either she'll squish them or they'll run away before she gets a chance' and they both laughed. I kindly told them I'd been riding horses since before I was born and was certain I'd be okay. They didn't realize I'd stayed in the SUV and thought I ran inside with the girls.
Yep. Can't even go on a vacation without one of my friends making a negative comment about my weight, my height or the way I look.
Some people just aren't attractive and have to try much harder to get any sort of attention, if they can get any at all.
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). Probably around one of the anniversaries. About 15,000 of us got out of those buildings before they collapsed.