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Old 03-18-2012, 11:56 PM
 
2,419 posts, read 3,217,754 times
Reputation: 1864

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**If you reply to this please don't quote my text**

I'm in my early 30's now. I have no children. I'm currently single and no where close to a relationship. If I found somebody who I'd like to be in a relationship with then I would be happy to give it a shot. But now that I've reached my 30's I have started to think more about "growing old alone".

I think if I found the right women I'd be willing to have kids but honestly it's not something I am eager to do. I think a big reason I think about having kids is because being an only child like myself times could get very lonely in my later days. Not only that but I have no cousins or aunts and uncles around where I live. The closest distant family I have is 4 hours a way and most of them are a good amount of years older than myself.

So I could picture myself as a 60 year old having no kids, parents are both deceased, no cousins around, no aunts or uncles around anymore. And of course no brothers/sisters nieces or nephews. It could be very lonely *possibly*.

I'm not saying I am worrying about this but can't help but wonder what life is like for those who have no kids and are single at an age older than say 50 years old.

Now, I say "growing old alone" because I'm not sure I'd ever care to get married unless kids were involved. It just seems like getting into the contract of marriage can be a recipe for conflict and disaster considering the % of people whom it does not work out with. So unless kids are involved I'm not sure it's a big necessity to get married. Sure I could have "girlfriend" or "lady friend" in my older ages but lets say she passes away in our 60's. Still with no family around or kids it could be the beginning of some very lonely times.

So I guess I'm just hoping to hear some feedback from people who might feel the same way or maybe know somebody in a scenario where they are in there older ages and they are alone. Do they still seem happy? How do you think you'd feel about being in a situation like that? Does anybody else feel that while they do generally want kids they feel like having kids is a big reason to have meaning in your life at an older age (i.e. spending time with grand kids etc.)

Thanks for reading..again please don't quote my original post. I do not want some of this info to be quoted as I probably will delete certain bits of personal info.
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Old 03-19-2012, 12:03 AM
 
11,737 posts, read 14,760,525 times
Reputation: 19317
If you don't want something quoted you shouldn't put it in writing.


I feel the same way you do. I also have a very small family and stay to myself. Not married, no kids... Sometimes wonder what I'll be like in 20 years.

I see older people in my community who live perfectly normal, active lives though. I hope, if I am still single, that I can be like that.
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Old 03-19-2012, 12:23 AM
 
Location: Southern California
6,100 posts, read 8,564,012 times
Reputation: 5967
I'm a tad past my mid 30s (where did the time go?!) & never been married nor have any kids. I'm in a relationship & really hope to marry this person, otherwise, there's no other prospects in sight. Any other guy I'd meet now will more than likely be divorced &/or have kids for sure who could be as old as a teenager already. I never dated a man w/ kids & really don't want to.

Sure, I still hope to get married, but I guess if I don't, I don't. Sure, I'd like to have a baby, actually twins would be ideal for me, but if I don't have kids, I guess I won't. I won't be devastated if neither one happens. My focus these days is just living my life, trying to be happy in the short time we have on this earth, stay in good health, do well on my new job (I got a late start in my career), get to travel more, & that's about it. That's all I guess we can ask for if we never got married nor had kids.

After a while, I would like to go ahead & marry my curent boyfriend because we'll probably be together forever at this point.

It's funny the kind of life we're dealt with. Back when I was 17 to maybe my mid 20s, I'd never think that I might not ever get married or have kids.
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Old 03-19-2012, 12:54 AM
 
4,868 posts, read 7,489,898 times
Reputation: 3143
You know, my only family that I have is my mom (who I absolutely do not get along with and that I can't rely on emotionally) and my 2 brothers. My dad lives in south america and the rest of my family lives in Israel so I REALLY don't have much of a family around. I grew up that way so I'm used to it but last time I saw my extended family was when I was 19. I remember debating about moving there because I feared that if I never got married, I would truly be alone if I stayed here in the states. I chose not to move there. I love this country too much to leave, but I'm only 25 so I hope its not over yet. I hope I read these posts when I'm 30 and laugh at this, but I don't know what the future holds, given how my love life has been going since my last visit to see my family 7 years ago. I just know that whoever I marry will have to understand that my only stateside family is gonna be his family.

Having friends after school years is not the same as having family who are there for you no matter what. Its not that my friends don't want to be around, its just that they're life is happening and they just can't. I'm already feeling the effects of not having that many close people around and so I somewhat have a stronger fear of winding up alone than the rest of my single friends who at least have a lot of family around. Regardless, I keep busy and I don't do things or hang around people that make me unhappy. This way I don't latch onto the first guy that comes along who I like and this way no single person will be my only source of happiness. I have so many things I want to get involved with once I'm out in the working world and I'm pretty excited about it all. I find that as long as I get to do things I enjoy, overall, I'm a happy camper, but its always even better with good company.
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Old 03-19-2012, 02:48 AM
 
395 posts, read 629,340 times
Reputation: 344
Quote:
Originally Posted by Statz2k10 View Post
**If you reply to this please don't quote my text**

I'm in my early 30's now. I have no children. I'm currently single and no where close to a relationship. If I found somebody who I'd like to be in a relationship with then I would be happy to give it a shot. But now that I've reached my 30's I have started to think more about "growing old alone".

I think if I found the right women I'd be willing to have kids but honestly it's not something I am eager to do. I think a big reason I think about having kids is because being an only child like myself times could get very lonely in my later days. Not only that but I have no cousins or aunts and uncles around where I live. The closest distant family I have is 4 hours a way and most of them are a good amount of years older than myself.

So I could picture myself as a 60 year old having no kids, parents are both deceased, no cousins around, no aunts or uncles around anymore. And of course no brothers/sisters nieces or nephews. It could be very lonely *possibly*.

I'm not saying I am worrying about this but can't help but wonder what life is like for those who have no kids and are single at an age older than say 50 years old.

Now, I say "growing old alone" because I'm not sure I'd ever care to get married unless kids were involved. It just seems like getting into the contract of marriage can be a recipe for conflict and disaster considering the % of people whom it does not work out with. So unless kids are involved I'm not sure it's a big necessity to get married. Sure I could have "girlfriend" or "lady friend" in my older ages but lets say she passes away in our 60's. Still with no family around or kids it could be the beginning of some very lonely times.

So I guess I'm just hoping to hear some feedback from people who might feel the same way or maybe know somebody in a scenario where they are in there older ages and they are alone. Do they still seem happy? How do you think you'd feel about being in a situation like that? Does anybody else feel that while they do generally want kids they feel like having kids is a big reason to have meaning in your life at an older age (i.e. spending time with grand kids etc.)

Thanks for reading..again please don't quote my original post. I do not want some of this info to be quoted as I probably will delete certain bits of personal info.
You could get married have a few kids and still be alone when you are a senior. Getting married and having kids does not mean you will have a great relationship with all of the aforementioned parties.

I'd focus on having great people and relationships around me, rather than a wife or kids. If the wife and kids happen and it's with someone who is highly compatible with you and someone whom you can grow with. Then you have a good shot of being 'not' lonely when you are older/a senior.

However, I think you fail to understand a very important concept. Being lonely is not about having people around you. It's about a state of mind. I know many folks who are married, have kids and so forth and they are very lonely inside. Some even feel trapped and isolated.

If you lack maturity, logic, a good personality and good interpersonal skills you'll have a rough journey if you have 30-40 years ahead of you.

Getting back to your main point. Marrying later does not lower your odds of avoiding problems or your chances of having a divorce.

Good luck.
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:48 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
9,220 posts, read 6,734,882 times
Reputation: 45570
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
If you don't want something quoted you shouldn't put it in writing.


I feel the same way you do. I also have a very small family and stay to myself. Not married, no kids... Sometimes wonder what I'll be like in 20 years.

I see older people in my community who live perfectly normal, active lives though. I hope, if I am still single, that I can be like that.
For real. What a strange request.

I've posted this a few times - be your own best friend.

I'm 57, live alone, only have a few friends and very little in the way of family. I married for the first and only time at age 46 and we broke up when turned 52.
I do not have children.

Be tough mentally and you can do it.
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Old 03-19-2012, 11:05 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 26,788,723 times
Reputation: 14581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Statz2k10 View Post
**If you reply to this please don't quote my text**

I'm in my early 30's now. I have no children. I'm currently single and no where close to a relationship. If I found somebody who I'd like to be in a relationship with then I would be happy to give it a shot. But now that I've reached my 30's I have started to think more about "growing old alone".

I think if I found the right women I'd be willing to have kids but honestly it's not something I am eager to do. I think a big reason I think about having kids is because being an only child like myself times could get very lonely in my later days. Not only that but I have no cousins or aunts and uncles around where I live. The closest distant family I have is 4 hours a way and most of them are a good amount of years older than myself.

So I could picture myself as a 60 year old having no kids, parents are both deceased, no cousins around, no aunts or uncles around anymore. And of course no brothers/sisters nieces or nephews. It could be very lonely *possibly*.

I'm not saying I am worrying about this but can't help but wonder what life is like for those who have no kids and are single at an age older than say 50 years old.

Now, I say "growing old alone" because I'm not sure I'd ever care to get married unless kids were involved. It just seems like getting into the contract of marriage can be a recipe for conflict and disaster considering the % of people whom it does not work out with. So unless kids are involved I'm not sure it's a big necessity to get married. Sure I could have "girlfriend" or "lady friend" in my older ages but lets say she passes away in our 60's. Still with no family around or kids it could be the beginning of some very lonely times.

So I guess I'm just hoping to hear some feedback from people who might feel the same way or maybe know somebody in a scenario where they are in there older ages and they are alone. Do they still seem happy? How do you think you'd feel about being in a situation like that? Does anybody else feel that while they do generally want kids they feel like having kids is a big reason to have meaning in your life at an older age (i.e. spending time with grand kids etc.)

Thanks for reading..again please don't quote my original post. I do not want some of this info to be quoted as I probably will delete certain bits of personal info.
What do you mean by "quoting" ?
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Old 03-19-2012, 11:07 AM
 
Location: southern california
57,198 posts, read 76,175,513 times
Reputation: 50282
why do u want to get married why?
sex???? u gota be kidding!!!!
getting older for the single guy is fine as long as u get richer and wiser.
as to women, women love getting married, but not being married.
67% actual divorce rate, 70% filed by women.
no fault-- means get rich with a phone call to a lawyer ---any time u feel like it and enslave old baldy at the same time.
let me esplain u
when u marry u give up rights as a US citizen, your future salary, pension, real estate and most precious of all, the right to refuse debt unless it carries your signature.
all that goes away when u say-- i do.
think about it.
prenup-- dont leave home w/o it.
btw the only reason i am having a good life retired typing here with u--- instead of standing with a
cardboard sign in the rain like that guy 2 blocks away is bek i did not remarry.

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 03-19-2012 at 11:24 AM..
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Old 03-19-2012, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
10,756 posts, read 13,564,925 times
Reputation: 16657
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
If you don't want something quoted you shouldn't put it in writing.


I feel the same way you do. I also have a very small family and stay to myself. Not married, no kids... Sometimes wonder what I'll be like in 20 years.

I see older people in my community who live perfectly normal, active lives though. I hope, if I am still single, that I can be like that.
Myself as well. I just hope to be healthy and have good people in my life in general if single and older. We shall see.
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Old 03-19-2012, 11:13 AM
 
Location: USA
20,833 posts, read 15,372,529 times
Reputation: 13377
People adjust to their surroundings and environment. There are advantages and disadvantage associated with Children and not having them. I know enough people with F'd up adult children that have caused nothing but heart ache for their parents that I don't view having children as being a positive in all cases.
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