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Unless there is physical abuse/fear on your sister's part, she should stay put. And she needs to file for a divorce. Consent is not required although it is less costly and certainly easier on the children. I would definitely consult with an attorney, sooner rather than later, to find out if she can lock him out of the house without their being any abuse - some states permit this. However, if she stayed with him after first learning of his cheating, she has forgiven/condoned this behavior and can not use it as a reason for the divorce. Learning of a child with one of his other women is not usually enough especially if this was after not divorcing him because of the cheating. This is where a lawyer's advice is going to be essential. No-fault state would be of great benefit here. Property division after 20 years of marriage is going to be difficult, though.
Whether either of them leaves depends on the laws of the state. Some states require that the couple live apart for a specified amount of time. If her state requires separation and her husband doesn't want a divorce, she probably cannot make him leave. Neither can law enforcement because it is his house as well as hers. She really should consult with an attorney to determine what she needs to do. It is worth the consultation fee.
I hope that your sister makes the decision that is best for her.
Where I lived when I divorced, the one who left the house was considered to have abandoned the marriage. To get him out, I had to promise not to use it against him.
I have a sister with a big issue. She's been married almost 20 years. Her husband has cheated on her several times that she's known about but because they had several kids that were young and she did not work until about 4 years ago, she stayed with him.
Flash forward, she found out a few years ago that he had a kid with one of his women. Now he has to pay child support for this child.
He is also a functioning alcoholic. The kids cannot stand him and he had had near ZERO interest in them or their lives--in fact he is jealous and resentful of them.
She has had enough and wants a divorce.
Neither of them have any money but she just wants a divorce. Now he is lying and making up stories trying to get the kids on his side.
Does she have any recourse or anything she can do to make him leave the house and get divorced?
He has health problems and pulls this out when she begins to get forceful and tell him it is over.
Any advice you can give would be great.
It's too one sided and biased. They should seek help...like 20 years ago before having all these kids and if they cannot resolve their difference, then she can file for a divorce.
But it seems like they will both be kind of up the creek, given that neither of them have any money (not sure if they have jobs).
Both sound very immature as adults based on your description. Sorry not trying to be harsh or mean. Just keeping it real!
I'm not directly involved because she lives quite a bit away from me but she is near my parents and tells them every detail.
Sadly, they have so many problems which have been going on since day one that I have no idea about the outcome of this. Currently it seems like it is ugly and going to get worse.
This is exactly why I won't get married. Being stuck to some tool just because he doesn't "want to". Now I understand why people murder their spouses....
I'm not directly involved because she lives quite a bit away from me but she is near my parents and tells them every detail.
Sadly, they have so many problems which have been going on since day one that I have no idea about the outcome of this. Currently it seems like it is ugly and going to get worse.
Thanks for the replies.
Best of luck your sister. Hope her situation gets resolved in a clean fashion.
I thought I read that the woman had a job (4 years now) but I did not find whether or not she still had children at home as we are talking about a marriage of 20 years. She definitely needs legal advice IF she really wants to leave. Sometimes when one is being encouraged to leave by friends and family, one tends to come up with excuses of why they cannot part ways with the insignificant other.
She should not leave the house....but follow the family law atty advice for obtaining a divorce.
As said below, some states cite leaving the home as abandonment...which would work against her. Some states also have "alienation of affection" laws which allow suing the other person in a extra-marital relationship with the spouse.
Also some counseling just for her would likely be helpful, this is a worrisome and scary and depressing situation. She definitely needs support.
Best of luck for her...
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah
Where I lived when I divorced, the one who left the house was considered to have abandoned the marriage. To get him out, I had to promise not to use it against him.
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