Should approaching women and dating be simpler and more straightforward? (how to, married)

[Jma500]

I am 43 & I have had a lot of women get close to me but I have never approached any in my life. Nor an actual relationship. As you have seen in my previous posts I am attempting to change that. I have been reading many different websites to hopefully gain insights as to what prevents me from both approaching women and asking them out. Well What I found was confusing and made no sense. Some sites were even contradictory to other sites. It seems as if it is a game with too many rules and a man must make every move perfectly. If not, too bad. I sort of understand the idea of attraction but it should not be solely based on logic (for men) nor solely emotion (for women). It should be a combination of the two and maybe better relationships would result. The idea of confidence being a leading factor in attraction seems to be a smoke screen. Look at those cited as highly confident, actors and rockstars, are actually dubious choices. Whenever they appear they are merely acting. So many have succumbed to drug and alcohol use offstage. This is actually the exact opposite of confidence. Very confusing to say the least. The more I read the more I realize this process should be more straightforward and simpler to attempt. Maybe more people would be successful and happy at it. Thus elliminating the selfish whining that there are no good women or men to date. I would like to see the opinions of others on this subject.

[rlrl]

I have an unusual perception of your post. i noticed that the first 2 sentences and the last 2 sentences of your post were very direct and easy. however much of your content in between was very abstract and intellectualized. I wonder if you are like me in this regard, having a tendency toward abstracting and intellectualizing a convo as it progresses

i did understand what you were trying to say, just that i picked up on the other stuff. i do the same thing. just a thought

to answer your original question, "of course, but it ain't!!"

[RayinAK]

Well, I have been retired from dating for over 30 years (married) and unless times have changed that much, approaching women should be as easy as ever. All depends on your attitude and the way you present yourself in public. If you look at other males, such as the ones you have mentioned, to get ideas on how to approach women, it's not going to work. Instead look at yourself and come-up with your own ideas depending on how women react to your approach. You can learn about yourself with the help of your close friends, family, and coworkers, both male and female. When you ask others of yourself (the way they perceive you), take criticism in a positive way and see if you can make changes for the better.

-Socialize or spend time with people who have similar interests (hobbies, etc.) as yourself
-Are you religious? Spend time with people at your church
-Do you enjoy a nice cup of coffee? Spend time at a coffee shop and get to know others in there

There are countless of places where you can approach women: hospitals, parks, swimming pools, fitness clubs, restaurants, coffee shops, churches, picnics, all kinds of social events, and so forth. Just be yourself (not a fake), present a neat and clean image all around (from teeth to shoes), respectful or polite to all around you, listen instead of talk, don't wear aromatic deodorants and things like that, be observant, learn tactful and non-intimidating eye contact, be a good tipper, keep the car and your apartment looking clean and organized, be generous while not expecting the same in return...

[Kin Atoms]

I think you should jump at the chance. Enough philosophy. Tell us how it works in a few weeks.

[Jma500]

rlrl: I never gave it much creedence before but yeah it is how I normally think and write.

[Dewdroplet76]

The thing is - we aren't all the same. If all women were the same and all men were the same - things would be very easy. There would be an easy set of rules or steps to follow and the results would be the same each and every time. But we aren't all the same. We are all very different. What works with one woman isn't going to work with another woman. You just have to meet people, keep living your life, find ways to make your life fulfilling, and hopefully, love will follow in due time.

[Jma500]

Kin Atoms: I will let you know should the chance arise however I am a thinker and thats just the type of person I am.

[Red On The Noodle]

Maybe you're thinking and reading too much. There is no recipe like you'd use for baking a cake. You want and like the straight forward approach? then go with that!

[OngletNYC]

So long as you have a job, aren't 5'3" and aren't hideous, now will be the easiest time for you to date out of your whole life. (Wait, I take that back, I have a 44 year old male friend who is 5'3" and obese, and he never lacks for female companionship.) There are more women available to you at your age now than the other way around. If you squander this opportunity, it's your own damn fault.

[Jma500]

Dewdrop: I understand that very well especially women differing from one another. However my point is that it should be simpler and without exacting rules or being labled as lacks confidence etc. simply because a person errs. I also believe that it should be straightforward, but not the same for everyone. Because if something is not straightforward it is by nature deceitful.