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Unread 03-25-2012, 12:42 PM
 
573 posts, read 335,079 times
Reputation: 508
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling View Post
Has she told you that?
I would be careful to interpret a person on the Internet based on your pseudo-psychology.
Her previous posts.

 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:45 PM
 
14,756 posts, read 12,275,561 times
Reputation: 8012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling View Post
And my female Uruguayan friend only feels attracted to Nordic men.
Seriously? Uruguayans are typically Spanish and Italian, and that's not white enough for her? Go figure. I saw that the Argentines and Uruguayans had NO problem hooking up with their own.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Seattle
626 posts, read 454,179 times
Reputation: 787
You don't have to be attractive to all members of your own ethnic group, but I think it is troubling (and speaks volumes of the individual) if they say that they are disgusted by all men of their ethnic group. Does that mean that their father, grandfather, brother, uncles, or cousins are not estimable men? Do all men of this ethnic group possess the same life goals, drive, ambitions, educational background, financial intelligence, character, law-abiding attitude, or what-not? What makes them so disgusting?

If someone says that they generally find themselves not attractive to members of their group, I believe it leaves the door open to the possibility that they could find someone in that group who they could be attracted to. But when a person holds half of their ethnic population in contempt, then I begin to wonder if they resent the fact that they too are part of that population.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:48 PM
 
1,109 posts, read 997,736 times
Reputation: 395
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
Then why don't you just deal with women who share similar background? There are hundreds of thousands all over the place.

I never grew up with people of the same ethnicity until recently. When I was in grade school, me and my sister were the only people of the same ethnicity. I interacted with more people of different cultures than I did with my own ethnicity. The school I went to was very wealthy and very diverse. I personally thought way back when I would need people of my ethnicity to "feel comfortable". I was wrong.

Quote:
Why struggle with people who are culturally different?
Because the people of my culture are very different from what I'm used to after interacting with people outside my own culture/ethnicity.

Race was never going to replace the friendships I made in elementary, middle or high school. They are all either white (for the most part)black, European, Hispanic and Asian, but very well assimilated.

Quote:
If you know that your potential mate must be loved and approved by your parents no matter what, then why not deal with a woman who comes from the same type of family?
Because it's my decision to date girls of other races, not my parents. Dating and love is much more serious in Asian culture and in my culture is not like the West. My parents are in some ways, more laid back with what I want to do since they've been in this country for more than 20 years.

Quote:
Someone like ME, would consider you a mama's boy, but that's because I need someone that's an independent thinker and not tied to their parent's coat tails like me.
Funny you would consider me a Mama's boy. My mother is a very devout Buddhist and a very conservative person. She's the kind of person that would shove religion down your throat and follow the most absurd superstitions. My parents have some good ideas like hard work, respecting elders and relatives and parenting, but there are lots of others that I cannot follow.

Last edited by rsh56; 03-25-2012 at 12:56 PM..
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:50 PM
 
15,912 posts, read 7,670,562 times
Reputation: 5903
Quote:
Originally Posted by midatlantic12 View Post
Her previous posts.
Not in this thread, I guess she only posted once at the beginning. Nor do I remember anything else from that poster.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Arizona & Wisconsin
4,604 posts, read 5,014,031 times
Reputation: 5678
Quote:
Originally Posted by cj31young View Post
I almost feel disgusted around men of my own ethnicity. Is that crazy or what?
Yes. Disgusted by them, is crazy. If you just left it at "not attracted to", I'd say no.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 12:56 PM
 
15,912 posts, read 7,670,562 times
Reputation: 5903
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Siobhan View Post
You don't have to be attractive to all members of your own ethnic group, but I think it is troubling (and speaks volumes of the individual) if they say that they are disgusted by all men of their ethnic group. Does that mean that their father, grandfather, brother, uncles, or cousins are not estimable men? Do all men of this ethnic group possess the same life goals, drive, ambitions, educational background, financial intelligence, character, law-abiding attitude, or what-not? What makes them so disgusting?

If someone says that they generally find themselves not attractive to members of their group, I believe it leaves the door open to the possibility that they could find someone in that group who they could be attracted to. But when a person holds half of their ethnic population in contempt, then I begin to wonder if they resent the fact that they too are part of that population.
I agree. The line is between mere lack of attraction and outright dislike.
That doesn't mean that in some cases the dislike for an ethnic groups is not somewhat justified. For instance, if I were an Afghan woman who studied in the West, I would probably not be interested in Afghan men anymore, either, who tend to have a rather outdated mindset.
Nor does it say anywhere that relationships within one's own ethnic groups are supposed to be the standard, it has simply been normal in the past because of the distribution and isolation of the various peoples of the world. I think it is just as likely to find one's soul mate in a different ethnic group as in one's own.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 01:05 PM
 
474 posts, read 104,411 times
Reputation: 224
Quote:
Originally Posted by cj31young View Post
I am not trying to create a controversial post but I've enjoyed my interactions with men from other ethnic background a lot more than my own. Now I think I am not attracted to my own. I almost feel disgusted around men of my own ethnicity. Is that crazy or what?
Your post reeks of self-hatred, a hatred towards people that brought you up and the culture you grew up in, both stem from an extreme sense of insecurity emanating from your ethnicity. I don't know which ethnicity you belong to but if I were a man belonging to that particular ethnicity, I would be glad to see someone like you dating outside the race and pity the person that you eventually might end up with since you could infuse the same negative qualities you have into that person.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 01:07 PM
 
474 posts, read 104,411 times
Reputation: 224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neuling View Post
I agree. The line is between mere lack of attraction and outright dislike.
That doesn't mean that in some cases the dislike for an ethnic groups is not somewhat justified. For instance, if I were an Afghan woman who studied in the West, I would probably not be interested in Afghan men anymore, either, who tend to have a rather outdated mindset.
Nor does it say anywhere that relationships within one's own ethnic groups are supposed to be the standard, it has simply been normal in the past because of the distribution and isolation of the various peoples of the world. I think it is just as likely to find one's soul mate in a different ethnic group as in one's own.
Most of the people who tend to abhor or hate men/women belonging to their own ethnic group are usually those that have been a victim of stereotypes and so don't want their kids to end up facing the same situations. Also in a lot of cases, they tend to have a slave mindset and they usually date the person whose ethnicity they associate with the master in the master-slave relationship, they usually try to cover it up by quoting about their independence and so on though.

Trust me as a minority ethnic man, I have seen quite a few that way.
 
Unread 03-25-2012, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Seattle
626 posts, read 454,179 times
Reputation: 787
I agree that a person is just as likely to find their match outside of their ethnic group as finding one inside it; but I also feel that same way when it comes to limiting yourself to a 50 mile radius (dating sites), I just never understood that.


The biggest problem that I have with dismissing an entire ethnic group is that when one does it, it usually is because of some negative perception, interaction, or belief from their own history. As a hypo, let's say that a teenage Black girl living in a predominately Black neighborhood is constantly picked on by her peers because she "speaks Whites" and "acts White"; I would imagine that this would create a form of resentment towards her community and ethnic group. Likewise, in another hypo, if we placed that teenage Black girl in an all-White situation, she may grow up not regularly socializing with Black people outside of her family, so she may be reluctant to have large group interactions once she is an adult.

Ultimately, simply because you share a similar ancestral origin, language, religion, or national identity, it does not mean that you hold the same values, ambitions, goals, or expectations as everyone else; and surely that means that if you can be different, then there are others who are different, so you should not dismiss the entire group without meeting everyone of that entire group.
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