Lack of sex in marriages..why? (sleeping, looking, free, like)
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And, to be honest with you, it is still a good deal easier to have the frequent humpalumpadingdong when you have small children. After all, they're in bed by 7:30 or 8:00. But when you're going to baseball games or helping with homework or running errands, or the myriad of other things until 9, 10, or even 11 at night, that's an entirely different matter. Gotta sneak it in when you can.
Thats the truth. With the house full late at night we have had to leave the house and drive out to the end of the driveway to have sex. Or go out to the barn. Kind of fun tho. Makes you feel like a teenager again for a split second.
Well overtime that ideal, of a mate fades. From what I understand some people are not smart enough to have sex, and when they do, they might even want to forget about it, not because it was bad, but because ideas about sex has been drilled into them.
Also people bodies changes, over time and that drive changes. If you want to make your marriage revolve around staying fit and having sex like two pre-teens who just discovered themsleves. That is where the problem begins. People leap thru hurdles, climbing the mountain of perfection, ark design, and apex of the ideal sex. However that said, can not be proven true.
People have argued the idea of sex, and it's definition. What is the best kind of sex?
the stuff you see b-movies? Is it sex that both can enjoy? or is it for only one partners
enjoyment? When was the last time you role played, or joke around? Are you that kind of person?
Even get each other aroused. Then of course their is fetish.
About children in the house. Hell the last thing I believe somebody would not want is another kid.
Imagine having one kid and then another one directly after. I would swear off sex as well.
I think you've totally missed the point. Let me clarify.
You still have sex. You just don't have it with the frequency that you did before children.
We have WAY more sex now than we did before children.
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And you just said it yourself. You were tired and had no desire. And yet you forced yourself to do it. Where on earth is the pleasure in that? It's duty now?
Loving my husband and cheerfully and joyfully giving him what he needs is not duty to me.
In the micro-event of that first fake it till you make it instance, no it was not a lot of fun. But it was a good investment in the bigger picture of our relationship. When I expressed my fear of sex (basically I tore all the way to China) he put it off and put it off because he did not want to hurt me. Then finally he was so gentle and sweet, that it just made me feel that much more cared for.
And really when I was nursing and exhausted, he did not tell me gee no I don't want to go get the baby from his crib, change him and bring him to you to nurse then bring him back to his crib because that is a duty, where is the fun in that. He lovingly, cheerfully gave me what I needed.
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And, to be honest with you, it is still a good deal easier to have the frequent humpalumpadingdong when you have small children. After all, they're in bed by 7:30 or 8:00. But when you're going to baseball games or helping with homework or running errands, or the myriad of other things until 9, 10, or even 11 at night, that's an entirely different matter. Gotta sneak it in when you can.
So you don't choose to make it a priority. That is the bottom line. "Hard" is just an excuse. My children are no longer small. There is always plenty of time for things that really ARE a priority. For me, my relationship with my husband is number one priority.
I've got to tell you that when I was younger my sex drive was very low and my partner's drive was very high. As I got older, now my sex drive is way higher than I would ever imagine and I've heard that as a lot of women get older their sex drive becomes higher than what it was in the past.
Me too, I think most all women do, since we hit our sexual peak in the 30's.
Mine was always fairly high, but now it's really bad; like 14yr old teenage boy bad, lol!
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
Well, there's going to be an inevitable drop off at some point. You just can't do it twice or three times a night forever. Body parts will start falling off.
No way! They are muscles after all; and we know what happens to muscles that are regularly used!
We have WAY more sex now than we did before children.
Loving my husband and cheerfully and joyfully giving him what he needs is not duty to me.
In the micro-event of that first fake it till you make it instance, no it was not a lot of fun. But it was a good investment in the bigger picture of our relationship. When I expressed my fear of sex (basically I tore all the way to China) he put it off and put it off because he did not want to hurt me. Then finally he was so gentle and sweet, that it just made me feel that much more cared for.
And really when I was nursing and exhausted, he did not tell me gee no I don't want to go get the baby from his crib, change him and bring him to you to nurse then bring him back to his crib because that is a duty, where is the fun in that. He lovingly, cheerfully gave me what I needed.
So you don't choose to make it a priority. That is the bottom line. "Hard" is just an excuse. My children are no longer small. There is always plenty of time for things that really ARE a priority. For me, my relationship with my husband is number one priority.
Excuse me. Please tell the studio audience. How old are you and how old are your children?
And you say: Women have said a man should help around the house, be romantic, take her out, put some effort, etc. to get sex.
Which isnt exactly what women have said. Another twist. The idea is that if a husband helps at home she is not so tired and more apt to be in the mood for sex.
That's right. If a woman (even without children) considers house chores to be excruciating and tiring then having a husband help might leave her with more energy.
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And you imply that women dont do anything where sex is concerned
When it comes to just sex, yes, I still believe women don’t really need to put any effort to get it. You can prance naked in front of your husband and you can be assured there is a big possibility you will get sex. Have your husband prance naked in front of you and it won’t necessarily lead to sex. He has to put more effort than that. Like other women have agreed, you rather have a man romance you, be sweet, etc. instead of just wanting to be “serviced” as other women put it. And I agree with women.
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The bottom line is that it depends on what the problem is. Is the guy too tired for sex because he has all the responsibility of the home and kids and cant get any help (which seems to be a common reason for women)
…he may have all the financial responsibility or he is stressed from work: didn’t make the sales for the month, aggressive competition in the office, they are reducing the employees and feels his job is at risk and his family depends on him, etc. Men get stressed too and emotionally hurt.
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What she needs to do, as what he needs to do, is first acknowledge the problem and then do what it takes to fix it. If one partner is not willing to do that, then I suppose nothing will change.
I totally disagree with this. There seems to be this ridiculous notion that a lot of married men have that basically says this: "Boy, if I do the dishes and make a meal and vacuum, my wife will be horny and I can have sex!"
It's a totally wrong mindset. A woman who wants sex, wants sex. I don't care whether my husband cooks or not, cleans or not or takes out the trash. I'm still having sex with him because I want to! Sex is not something to be bartered in a marriage.
The only thing I would suggest keeping in mind here is the "friggin' six-hour second job" one of the Reds mentioned. She may want sex, but if she just spent all evening cooking, clearing the dishes, taking care of the kids, and so on, she's going to be too tired.
If she does all that while he just sits there watching TV or farting around on the computer playing games like a self-important, lazy, entitled tool, she may very well regard him as a self-important, lazy, entitled tool.
So even if she has the energy and wants sex, it might not be with him. There's a reason cheap motels do a good lunch-hour business.
The only thing I would suggest keeping in mind here is the "friggin' six-hour second job" one of the Reds mentioned. She may want sex, but if she just spent all evening cooking, clearing the dishes, taking care of the kids, and so on, she's going to be too tired.
If she does all that while he just sits there watching TV or farting around on the computer playing games like a self-important, lazy, entitled tool, she may very well regard him as a self-important, lazy, entitled tool.
So even if she has the energy and wants sex, it might not be with him. There's a reason cheap motels do a good lunch-hour business.
Exactly. The key to getting good sex is dont be a self-important, lazy, entitled tool.
What she needs to do, as what he needs to do, is first accknowledge the problem and then do what it takes to fix it. If one partner is not willing to do that, then I suspose nothing will change.
THIS. Too often the person who is not wanting sex does not see the problem it is FOR THE OTHER.
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