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We have been together for a long time now and aside from a few quirks, we have a good relationship. My biggie is that I have always struggled with feeling priority in his life. He is very independent and I am more needy and it's a difficult balance at times. This new drama with his ex's pictures makes me feel even less priority... seems like his friends weigh up there pretty high. I just feel stuck. I could leave him over this sure, but what is the likelihood most other men in their 30's engage in this immature behavior?
He's in his 30's and doing that behavior??? He's beyond a tool. Good luck with getting nowhere in your relationship. Pathetic
Do not allow a man to have a photo of you that you would not want his friends to see. Period.
Sexy photos are not an essential element of a relationship, and not having them does not make you a vanilla prude. It is just smart self preservation. No photo and you will never get burned. Put it in the same category as a prenup if you like.
No big deal. move on. they were trophies and he probably wanted to show them around back then but couldn't. Only mistake was letting him have photos of you. REad up on how to settle that issue with him., let him apologize and move on.
He stated he had boundaries among friends, but his boundary with you was to ward you off, and you were relegated to a place outside. His irritation at your discovery belies his being found wrong. A 30 something year old boy may engage in this behavior, but not a 30 something year old MAN.
I am a 50 something year old male. I can't imagine any of my self-respecting friends or colleagues doing this: sending photos, keeping photos, or not discarding photos. That he has back-up copies which can be readily downloaded is also a sign of immaturity that in his thirties, is not going to 'heal' just because his girlfriend asked him so. This should have been such a non-issue since you first found photos on his computer, that he would not keep them but delete them. That he kept them when a friend 're-sent' them back to him is a similar betrayal.
Yeah, still thinking, and can't come up with one man I know who'd do this with an ex-gf. There are more mature 30 year olds out there, and they can treat you so much better. There is also a power hierarchy that won't easily be let go. Get rid of the differential; nothing can make up for that. Best of luck in how you make this transaction and keep us updated on your progress.
His behavior shows a lack of respect for both his ex and for you. This is a big red flag, IMHO. He said he removed all of his ex's pics but then you found more. That's a breach of trust, which has much deeper implications. I would be very careful if I were you, to say to least.
He stated he had boundaries among friends, but his boundary with you was to ward you off, and you were relegated to a place outside. His irritation at your discovery belies his being found wrong. A 30 something year old boy may engage in this behavior, but not a 30 something year old MAN.
I am a 50 something year old male. I can't imagine any of my self-respecting friends or colleagues doing this: sending photos, keeping photos, or not discarding photos. That he has back-up copies which can be readily downloaded is also a sign of immaturity that in his thirties, is not going to 'heal' just because his girlfriend asked him so. This should have been such a non-issue since you first found photos on his computer, that he would not keep them but delete them. That he kept them when a friend 're-sent' them back to him is a similar betrayal.
This. The ONE time should have been it... I should never again have had to see or deal with those pictures. The fact that he kept them around again after his friends sent them back (if that's even what really happened) is one aspect of all this that really upsets me. It's like a big EFF YOU.
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Yeah, still thinking, and can't come up with one man I know who'd do this with an ex-gf. There are more mature 30 year olds out there, and they can treat you so much better. There is also a power hierarchy that won't easily be let go. Get rid of the differential; nothing can make up for that. Best of luck in how you make this transaction and keep us updated on your progress.
You mean him first, then his friends, and then maybe me? This is how it seems to be. I have felt pretty low priority to him over the years - I often wonder if it's me or if it's something he's doing (or not doing)... I think it's more of the latter than I have let myself believe.
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