U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-04-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
1,917 posts, read 6,284,690 times
Reputation: 1957

Advertisements

Your husband sounds like he could be bi-polar. Nevertheless, you need to be looking out for the best interests of your child and leaving him is in HER best interest, nevermind yours. I am very concerned for your safety. Please do not do this alone. Is there a women's shelter around you can get counseling at?
They provide support for people in your situation. I used to volunteer at one here in Texas and believe me he WILL NOT change until he gets help.
You, however, do not need to stick around to see when and if he gets the help he needs.
I would advise you to talk to the police and let them write up a report about it.
I don't know the laws in the UK but here if the spouse leaves the home it can be classified as abandonment and could lead to all sorts of trouble in custody of the child, come divorce time.
Please file for divorce quickly.
Best of luck to you and I will say a prayer for you and your daughter.

 
Old 04-04-2012, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Full time RV"er
2,403 posts, read 5,598,569 times
Reputation: 1459
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
Well, the deposit is down! The paperwork is filled out....all I need now to get the keys to my rented house and my new life is....the references to come in and the Credit search to be done.

Hubby is nice as pie today, so thankful for everything. He really is a deceitful snake!

He still managed to tell us (me and the kids) he didn't give a ****. Because his daughter smiled when he was moaning about something trivial.

I feel and look so tired, I am waking up early in the morning, staying awake late at night. I keep the phone off the hook when he is at home and I have to go out....so people can't ring him and tell him that, in fact, the valuation for our new home (which we were going to buy together) has not been done!!!

One more day to go, then on Friday....should hopefully get the keys. Just need a few days to pack some things in, then I will have to tell him. And face those tears, those sad, sad eyes. Oh, the guilt trip he will try and put me on.

Tuf.
I can only say one thing from my personal experence with my daughter. she had been in an abusive marige for going on 12 yrs. husband drank heavely and resulted in him being abusive toward her. She made the same decission to leave / divorce him. The day she gave him a copy of her filing a fight ensued, he tried to chock her and when she tried to run to a neighbors house he again tried to run her over with his car . So when the time comes to give him notice that she is leaving as sugested by the police in her town place a call to the police dept requesting an escort out of the home , to avoid this same thing from happening . If you are ready to leave then pack and be ready to do it, no conversation , just leave to a safe place . good luck !
 
Old 04-04-2012, 12:27 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,886 posts, read 65,003,376 times
Reputation: 22257
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Does he really know its his fault? I'm sorry, Never, buy into the tears of an abuser.

Protect yourself and Best Wishes.
Wise words and I concur. Abusers always go through the "I am so sorry - here are flowers - I will change" sort of thing - long enough to mess up your plans up entirely. Then, when things settle down, they start with the manipulations and abusive behavior again.

There are entire books written on this very predictable cycle. Same story as yours, Jenna, over and over - just different people.

Don't get sucked into the temporary dramatics. They are calculated to make you feel sorry for him rather than focusing on the reasons you got to this point: his abuse.
 
Old 04-04-2012, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, NY born & raised!
2,593 posts, read 3,707,556 times
Reputation: 3492
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
Last night in this house. Hubby has been very tearful and upset, which has upset me. He has cried and told me he loves me so much. That he knows its his fault. That he wishes he could change things. Really made my heart break. But I just told him that he needed space too. We both do. I tried to be as kind as I could be. If he is truly sorry and if he wants to change he will need to get counselling and so do I.
The bolded part tells you everything you need to know. He only said he wishes he could change things. Fact is he can change things, like himself by going to counseling but clearly he didn't even bring that up or offer to do so. Abusers will say anything to get their victim to stay. And that is exactly what he was doing.

Be careful. Even if you don't tell him where you are moving to, he can still find out. My abuser went as far as following me home from work, sat outside my door all night and waited for me to leave the next day.
 
Old 04-04-2012, 03:56 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,178,829 times
Reputation: 1007
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
[CENTER][/CENTER]
That wheel has been my life! Honeymoon phase is the trying to make me pity him. Take him back. No way. Seen it all before. Feeling exhausted - 11pm here - haven't stopped all day. Hubby helpful, kind, hopeful - he thinks he can move in with me when the dust settles, but he is so wrong. I am just keeping things calm so he doesn't try and shoot me!!! Kidding....he's the type who is more likely to shoot himself.

Once I am in my own place - HURRAH!!!!! - tomorrow!!!!!! Then I can keep backed away from me, for one month, two months etc....etc....until he gets the idea. I don't like that cycle of abuse. Its a pain in the ass and I am getting off tomorrow!!!!!!

Thank you to all you wonderful people who have supported me in this terrible time. I have come on to CD and felt the support from strangers who now are my friends.....in the CD world....at least. Thank you. Godbless you. Will keep you updated.
 
Old 04-04-2012, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,711,763 times
Reputation: 39657
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
That wheel has been my life! Honeymoon phase is the trying to make me pity him. Take him back. No way. Seen it all before. Feeling exhausted - 11pm here - haven't stopped all day. Hubby helpful, kind, hopeful - he thinks he can move in with me when the dust settles, but he is so wrong. I am just keeping things calm so he doesn't try and shoot me!!! Kidding....he's the type who is more likely to shoot himself.

Once I am in my own place - HURRAH!!!!! - tomorrow!!!!!! Then I can keep backed away from me, for one month, two months etc....etc....until he gets the idea. I don't like that cycle of abuse. Its a pain in the ass and I am getting off tomorrow!!!!!!

Thank you to all you wonderful people who have supported me in this terrible time. I have come on to CD and felt the support from strangers who now are my friends.....in the CD world....at least. Thank you. Godbless you. Will keep you updated.

Many of us are praying for you Jenna. Please stay in touch.
 
Old 04-04-2012, 11:35 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,178,829 times
Reputation: 1007
OK moving day. Hardly slept all night. Got up as soon as I heard the first bird sing.

More sorting out, the removal people will be here in 2 hours.

Then this house will be a distant memory. Its four walls, which could tell of laughter, tears, Easters and Christmases.....young children, now turned to teenagers. Dreams and sadness, 9 years of stories and now this chapter ends.

I will look back and remember - and will thank God for this Exodus day. A Personal Passover Week for me. A day to remember in years to come.

God has held me and kept me all these years, he dried my tears he lifted me when I was trodden down. My husband must go his own way now. He must find his own path and he must face the consequences of the verbal, emotional and physical abuse he meted out to innocent people who tried to love him.

I hope he can find help for himself. I will not shut the door on him completely, but I will build a new life away from his control and erratic behaviours. A new life is calling me now. I feel free already.
 
Old 04-04-2012, 11:38 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,497,863 times
Reputation: 61803
If you really want this chapter to end...........YOU WILL SHUT THAT DOOR COMPLETELY AND PUT A GAZILLION DEAD BOLT LOCKS ON IT or be prepared to give in and start the whole process again.
 
Old 04-05-2012, 03:02 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,621 posts, read 22,614,882 times
Reputation: 17273
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
If you really want this chapter to end...........YOU WILL SHUT THAT DOOR COMPLETELY AND PUT A GAZILLION DEAD BOLT LOCKS ON IT or be prepared to give in and start the whole process again.
Absolutely. I see her being set up for the fall, with all the tears and I love you so much, If she can't remain firm in her plan.

Its easy to recognize, I was a women who fell for all that once too.

Once he sets foot in her new place the first time, hes accomplished his goal. Can install spywear on her computer and an array of other means to invade her privacy, completely invade her new found freedom, peace of mind without ther knowledge.

I hate to paint a bad scenario when shes feeling so good about her new life, but it worries me she'll weaken. Hes not to be trusted.

Last edited by virgode; 04-05-2012 at 03:24 AM..
 
Old 04-05-2012, 05:10 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
50,710 posts, read 50,036,191 times
Reputation: 59220
Good Luck, jenna. I too hope you don't fall for his false tactics, but I also know the feeling of immense relief when you get away from a person like this. It will not be a cakewalk, but you will become stronger and stronger and more YOU.

Because you have children, this man will always be in your life to some degree. You will be able to manage it and detach yourself from him emotionally. It's been 12 years for me, and I still have moments where I AM SO HAPPY TO NOT BE MARRIED TO HIM ANYMORE!!! after we've had a conversation.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 04-05-2012 at 06:23 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2017, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top