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Old 04-11-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,388 posts, read 22,341,489 times
Reputation: 16992

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Quote:
Originally Posted by pooterposh View Post
I guess she doesnt have any friend who would let her get on the computer to let all of us who have been following her story and are worried about her to let us know SHE IS OK!!!!
Sounds a little passive/aggressive to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pooterposh View Post
BTW for all you smarty pants out there who KNOW EVERYTHING about diagnosis..I too was in a very bad relationship with a man who had "sad eyes"...when it suited him. As i said, I am concerned that those "sad eyes" have won her over because YES it is hard to end a relationship after so many years and with kids and ......

Just to let you know since you haven't been on the forum long,

some of the posters in situations such as the OP never return to up-date.

I wouldn't label it passive-aggressive. If she did weaken to the tears, its her choice, she wouldn't be the first or last women who made the mistake.

I hope its not the case, and wish her all the best.

 
Old 04-11-2012, 01:48 PM
 
567 posts, read 781,503 times
Reputation: 1237
Geez...I am concerned. I too want her to succeed.

Last edited by pooterposh; 04-11-2012 at 01:59 PM..
 
Old 04-11-2012, 06:00 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,388 posts, read 22,341,489 times
Reputation: 16992
Quote:
Originally Posted by pooterposh View Post
Geez...I am concerned. I too want her to succeed.
I know...everyone does. We'll just have to settle for sending our positive thoughts her way for now.
 
Old 04-11-2012, 10:42 PM
 
Location: Earth
3,799 posts, read 5,970,986 times
Reputation: 2516
I remember when Jenna first posted about her situation years ago (4-5years) and I hoped she would find her power one day and leave the toxic relationship. It is refreshing to hear of her decision, as painful as it is to leave, we know it's the best thing to do.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 05:15 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,435 posts, read 28,159,435 times
Reputation: 19566
I have not been following this post, only read the op and all after mine. I was in this same situation and it is very hard. You are happy, afraid, everything. Your life is turned every which way but loose. I did have one person I was in touch with who updated the people here....
 
Old 04-16-2012, 06:00 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,164,447 times
Reputation: 1003
Hi sorry been a while! Bloody awful week I had. Traumatic to say the least! Hubby stayed awake all day after working night and helped with the move. Then before going to work ANOTHER night, looked at me with the saddest teary eyes and said he would die for me. Made me feel even worse, his parents also helped with the move, which was........awkward. His dad said he hoped we would sort ourselves out!!!!!

I told him I had enough and HAD to be separate.

Well, here I am in my rented house,at last! But hubby is still coming round with flowers telling me how much he loves me.......will never love anyone else......crying, telling me he knows it's his fault.......he wants us to be together, I told him Idon"the trust him......but he tells me he has changed, the old version of himself is gone.

Tonight used his laptop to look up some YouTube video, went on prev viewed videos (not snooping I swear!). Found he had been viewing some sexy dancing girls!!! So much for tearful grief over me, the only woman he has ever or will ever love.

He has been around this evening, watched a film with the kids. Nothing is too much trouble, he makes me coffee, tidied up......and again brings flowers.

I. Don't want to be married to him, but he is just so over powering. He says he will give me space, time....but he is pushing, begging me almost. He even said he would be my hitch!!!!!!! LOL

It's too late, but he wants us to try again and he promises he will never be abusive again.

Internet access today, so I am back on line!!
 
Old 04-16-2012, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,094,389 times
Reputation: 39641
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
Hi sorry been a while! Bloody awful week I had. Traumatic to say the least! Hubby stayed awake all day after working night and helped with the move. Then before going to work ANOTHER night, looked at me with the saddest teary eyes and said he would die for me. Made me feel even worse, his parents also helped with the move, which was........awkward. His dad said he hoped we would sort ourselves out!!!!!

I told him I had enough and HAD to be separate.

Well, here I am in my rented house,at last! But hubby is still coming round with flowers telling me how much he loves me.......will never love anyone else......crying, telling me he knows it's his fault.......he wants us to be together, I told him Idon"the trust him......but he tells me he has changed, the old version of himself is gone.

Tonight used his laptop to look up some YouTube video, went on prev viewed videos (not snooping I swear!). Found he had been viewing some sexy dancing girls!!! So much for tearful grief over me, the only woman he has ever or will ever love.

He has been around this evening, watched a film with the kids. Nothing is too much trouble, he makes me coffee, tidied up......and again brings flowers.

I. Don't want to be married to him, but he is just so over powering. He says he will give me space, time....but he is pushing, begging me almost. He even said he would be my hitch!!!!!!! LOL

It's too late, but he wants us to try again and he promises he will never be abusive again.

Internet access today, so I am back on line!!

So good to hear from you and I'm glad you are okay.

But WHY are you letting this man in your new home?

If he wants to see your kids, drop them off at his place of at a public spot.

You are really confusing him by allowing him to come into your home!
 
Old 04-16-2012, 07:04 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,388 posts, read 22,341,489 times
Reputation: 16992
Sadly Jenna, you are not thru with your husband.

Its evident after the many posts of warning. These are all excuses. You are both following the typical pattern of abused/ abuser.

Best Wishes.

Last edited by virgode; 04-16-2012 at 07:21 PM..
 
Old 04-17-2012, 03:19 AM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,164,447 times
Reputation: 1003
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Sadly Jenna, you are not thru with your husband.

Its evident after the many posts of warning. These are all excuses. You are both following the typical pattern of abused/ abuser.

Best Wishes.
I know. My son wants his dad to come in and set up his X Box, watch a film....you are right, he is playing me like a violin, I will put some distance between us. Going to start counseling soon too, that will help reinforce my intentions. Underneath all the tears and contrition, he is still the same.
 
Old 04-17-2012, 08:35 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,139 posts, read 14,008,109 times
Reputation: 14660
Jenna, I know you see the pattern, but you just can't figure out how to react differently than you have in the past. And that's the key - you are still reacting to him (he comes to your home), not setting up the situation so it is under your control.

As LM said above, do not let him into your home. Period, at all. Not past the front the door. Tell your children that that is the new rule. Dad stays outside. They can visit him at HIS home, but you two are not living together and you need to set boundaries. Dad can watch a film with his son at HIS home, not yours - or at the theater. Tell your son he may call his father for advice over the phone on how to set up the XBox, but otherwise, it's time he learned how.

Whenever your husband promises he's changed, tell him so have you.

Meet him at the local McDonald's to exchange children.

Jenna, you've done good: you did the work to find a new home, and you got yourself moved in. Now the REALLY hard work begins. It's time to learn who you are; and to learn new ways of behaving that are independent and self-enhancing. You CAN do it. It is not going to be easy. You have lots of folks here who've done what you are going through and we will be supportive of you - at the same time, we are not going to mollycoddle you and WILL call you out on behavior that is not helpful.

Hang in there, Chickie. It really does get easier in time. And you will look back on this time with pride in yourself that you made it. Every. single. step.
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