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Old 04-19-2012, 08:17 AM
 
486 posts, read 319,907 times
Reputation: 980
So now he is snooping through her phone....these kinds of men are dangerous...
D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S

 
Old 04-19-2012, 08:20 AM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
17,181 posts, read 15,232,467 times
Reputation: 15587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doobage View Post
It nauseates me that there are some men in this thread actually trying to guilt, confuse, and convince an abused wife to stay with her abuser.
To the OP: stay strong.
I've only read about 70% of this thread but most of us mature men would never recommend and most haven't.

I do believe even most of us guys know when to cut our losses and run. Abuse is never a good option for either party.
 
Old 04-19-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: California
54,955 posts, read 11,445,624 times
Reputation: 34456
You need to stop him from manipulating you. Your children will see how you are setting an example for them. They would end up being confused and not able to make decisions for themselves,so stay strong and stop being indecisive.That will confuse yourself and the children as they grow older.
 
Old 04-19-2012, 11:08 AM
 
Location: USA
2,130 posts, read 1,385,556 times
Reputation: 3502
To Jenna's husband:

A REAL man keeps his wife with him because she WANTS to be with him. He is kind, loving, encouraging, patient, compassionate and grateful. A real man doesn't keep her with him through fear and imtimidation. Those are the actions of a small, weak, cowardly person.

You may still be her husband, you may even manipulate her into worming your way back into her life. You may even convince her to come back. But you will never have her true love and trust until you are willling to change your ways.

Also, if there is another side to the story, I challenge you to set up a profile and enlighten us.
 
Old 04-19-2012, 11:52 AM
 
8,122 posts, read 5,109,969 times
Reputation: 16807
When you leave someone it is important to put boundaries in place or they will continue to get mixed messages. Boundaries need to be clearly defined so both parties understand. I suggest you either speak with him or have your lawyer send him a written statement with the parameters clearly set out which include child custody arrangements and him not coming to your home and whatever else you feel is appropriate to start reclaiming your independence.
 
Old 04-19-2012, 12:25 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
11,995 posts, read 11,333,232 times
Reputation: 13353
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
Hahaha.....yes, I can see the funny side......but, my laptop was broken, I used the blackberry, hubby found the blackberry.....which he shouldn't have.....didn't know how to delete Histroy on Blackberry as normally don't use it.......all a load of coincidences......ah well......
Its not a coincidence he had the opportunity to look thru your Blackberry. He will continue to invade your privacy if given the chance.

I thought you said your interenet was up and running and assumed thats how you posted?? What I'm questioning, is how much access to your new place, hes been given?

Last edited by virgode; 04-19-2012 at 12:38 PM..
 
Old 04-20-2012, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Land Of Moose, Blueberries and Chickadees
9,610 posts, read 4,517,712 times
Reputation: 12234
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
My husband saw a posting on Citydata...he read the lot....got upset.....so, I can't say openly on here what is happening. I am OK....message me and I will message you back privately. I am on the up. Thanks everyone!
NO. Not a lot of "coincidences", you gave him access. If you had moved to your new home and did not allow him in, there is no way he would have seen or had access to your Blackberry.

I can't think of a single person who uses such a device as their phone and access to the internet who would leave it behind. It goes in your bag when you leave for the day, it's with you, or it's in your house.

So, how did he get in to your bag? How did he get in to your house? Were you in the car together and he went through your bag?

NO! There is no way he would have had access had you set up the boundaries people were talking about.

Further, I agree with another poster that you should not let him continue to control you by making you anxious or even fearful to post here.

Now you really need to step up and get strong and set those boundaries. He's snooping through your things! In what world is that acceptable?!
 
Old 04-20-2012, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Northern CA Mtns.
10,939 posts, read 4,425,107 times
Reputation: 8118
^^^ Good advice, Three Wolves, but please understand that Jenna seemingly doesn't understand the extent of how she enables her husband to control her. It usually takes therapy and lots of reading on the subject to be able to understand about setting boundaries with a toxic person, which is how I'd describe her husband.

It seems she's very naive and trusting, though fed up with how she has been treated. It's a minefield out there, for someone in this position. I know, because I was once there.

I think all of us who are posting here need to be very patient, upbeat and unconditionally supporting of Jenna. I don't think she's been yet to a therapist who can help her 'on the ground' so to speak. This is a scary, confusing time for her; obviously, she is doing the very best she can, with the tools of understanding she currently has.
 
Old 04-21-2012, 01:05 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
11,995 posts, read 11,333,232 times
Reputation: 13353
As the OP said, theres more to this than posted.

She can't undue her mistake. As someone experienced with domestic violence at this point, its best she limits her posts to direct messages, for safety, and privacy reasons.
 
Old 04-21-2012, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Land Of Moose, Blueberries and Chickadees
9,610 posts, read 4,517,712 times
Reputation: 12234
Quote:
Originally Posted by Macrina View Post
^^^ Good advice, Three Wolves, but please understand that Jenna seemingly doesn't understand the extent of how she enables her husband to control her. It usually takes therapy and lots of reading on the subject to be able to understand about setting boundaries with a toxic person, which is how I'd describe her husband.

It seems she's very naive and trusting, though fed up with how she has been treated. It's a minefield out there, for someone in this position. I know, because I was once there.

I think all of us who are posting here need to be very patient, upbeat and unconditionally supporting of Jenna. I don't think she's been yet to a therapist who can help her 'on the ground' so to speak. This is a scary, confusing time for her; obviously, she is doing the very best she can, with the tools of understanding she currently has.
I do understand but I'm also not going to, as NY Annie said, "mollycoddle" her. If a mistake was made, you say a mistake was made, not "coincidence". If you're going to get through this, should you not start out by being honest about what you're doing?

In any event, I can see how it came across more harshly than I intended.

Meh...it's not my life...not my business...but some people come on this forum and make you care about them.
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