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Old 03-27-2012, 12:54 PM
 
11,223 posts, read 9,203,270 times
Reputation: 14627

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
I'm not questioning the decision to leave, I'm questioning the decision to tell a bunch of strangers on a public forum before actually leaving and before telling the husband she's leaving. If she wants to leave without telling him, do so, but don't advertise the fact.
Why? Because she might offend you? Apparently she came here for support during the abuse. It stands to reason she would want to update the people who helped her.

Quote:
It's almost like she just wants validation that she's doing the right thing, instead of simply critically evaluating it herself and making the decision.
Because people don't sometimes go to forums for advice... or anything.

 
Old 03-27-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,073,599 times
Reputation: 6766
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
I'm not questioning the decision to leave, I'm questioning the decision to tell a bunch of strangers on a public forum before actually leaving and before telling the husband she's leaving. If she wants to leave without telling him, do so, but don't advertise the fact.

It's almost like she just wants validation that she's doing the right thing, instead of simply critically evaluating it herself and making the decision.
Free Beer - I get what you're saying but consider this - being in an unhappy marriage is the most isolating, lonely experience there is. It sometimes takes all your strength just to get through the day, let alone making plans for another life.

OP needs to be applauded and supported. She has been with this man a long, long time. I'm sure she is fearful of his reaction and nervous about her future.

Who are YOU to judge if the ONLY support she may have access to is a bunch of faceless people on the internet? This man has abused her for years, he deserves NO consideration, prior warning, nothing. He has made her life a misery for far too long...what did he THINK was going to happen? She will just stay there forever? Worms turn...so I hold hope that you can also stop and think for a minute what life has been for her and how much an anonymous message board can actually mean to someone who has been victimised and bullied for years.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 01:57 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,172 posts, read 14,222,218 times
Reputation: 14770
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Abusive? Right.

She only mentioned name calling and swearing.

Find me one woman on here that hasn't done that to her husband?

I think this move will not fix anything for her. But...happy trails till you find yourself.
YES, that is abuse. As for women name-calling and swearing at their spouse, perhaps some abuse their husbands that way - and that's still what it is -- abuse.

OP, please please please be very careful - this is the most vulnerable time for you - and your child(ren). When he finds out - whether before or after you move - he may try to hold the children hostage, he may threaten. Please contact your local women's shelter if for no other reason than to have someone local to you watching out for you.

I remember the earlier thread and I'm glad you are in a position to end the abuse - and, as earlier said,

Happy Birthday!
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,619 posts, read 53,367,629 times
Reputation: 18507
Do you have a plan for safely doing it? Get some male friends or relatives or call the police to say you need an escort out of the house from an abusive husband. They will come and protect you. This is NOT something you want to do alone.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:06 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,676 posts, read 22,711,174 times
Reputation: 17387
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
I'm not questioning the decision to leave, I'm questioning the decision to tell a bunch of strangers on a public forum before actually leaving and before telling the husband she's leaving. If she wants to leave without telling him, do so, but don't advertise the fact.

It's almost like she just wants validation that she's doing the right thing, instead of simply critically evaluating it herself and making the decision.
Abusive relationships can be very isolating, and yes, she needs validation. This forum may be the only support she has right now.

Don't make judgements on topics you know little about.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:31 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,560,327 times
Reputation: 7502
you don't need him, most more trouble then they're worth anyways from what I seen.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,659,751 times
Reputation: 14495
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
I posted on this site ages ago, about my abusive husband.

Well, his time is up!

This morning, looking at a house to rent....in a lovely situation. Feel so excited about a fresh start. But my hubby is being all nicey nicey today, almost like he 'knows' something is up.

Too late. He had 20 years of my life. He has sworn at me, abused me verbally and emotionally for years on and off, in between telling me he loves me SO MUCH and didn't want ANYONE else!!!!

He has been good these past few months, because I told him that I WAS leaving, he panicked. But he was venting on my daughter and I have a feelling its only a matter of time.....

So I have 8 days left with him. God keep me strong and resolved. Dear City Data people say a prayer for me......and thank you for all your previous advice it wasn't wasted you know!!!!

But, now is the time. My house sold in a month, this house for rent has come up and is perfect, all the signs are there....God is helping me and delivering me.
I'm glad you're getting out. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Take one step at a time and remember each step is one step towards a better future.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 03:08 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,811 posts, read 13,816,608 times
Reputation: 8701
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
So, you make a post about it on the internet before even telling him..? Very classy.
Sure, because he is owed class and respect from the people he abuses.

 
Old 03-27-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: England
1,171 posts, read 2,183,507 times
Reputation: 1007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Beer View Post
So, you make a post about it on the internet before even telling him..? Very classy.
There's nothing classy about this...ever.....is there a way to be classy about it?

My husband won't read this posting....guaranteed.

You don't know my REAL name or exact location.

I am making this posting here because I need all the strength I can get for the wretched week ahead.
 
Old 03-27-2012, 03:24 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,811 posts, read 13,816,608 times
Reputation: 8701
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennaflorrie View Post
There's nothing classy about this...ever.....is there a way to be classy about it?

My husband won't read this posting....guaranteed.

You don't know my REAL name or exact location.

I am making this posting here because I need all the strength I can get for the wretched week ahead.
You owe no one, least of all the likes of these jokers, any explanations. You do what is best for you.
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