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I posted on this site ages ago, about my abusive husband.
Well, his time is up!
This morning, looking at a house to rent....in a lovely situation. Feel so excited about a fresh start. But my hubby is being all nicey nicey today, almost like he 'knows' something is up.
Too late. He had 20 years of my life. He has sworn at me, abused me verbally and emotionally for years on and off, in between telling me he loves me SO MUCH and didn't want ANYONE else!!!!
He has been good these past few months, because I told him that I WAS leaving, he panicked. But he was venting on my daughter and I have a feelling its only a matter of time.....
So I have 8 days left with him. God keep me strong and resolved. Dear City Data people say a prayer for me......and thank you for all your previous advice it wasn't wasted you know!!!!
But, now is the time. My house sold in a month, this house for rent has come up and is perfect, all the signs are there....God is helping me and delivering me.
Wow, I'm sorry I do not know your situation but what you are doing seems just plain cruel to me...If he is being nice to you why are you leaving him? This makes me lose faith so much in getting married, one day I am being nice to my wife who I think everything is ok with and she divorces me? he obviously cares about you enough that he has been trying hard to be good and save your marriage yet you are throwing it all away based on a feeling..
Sorry but it sounds like you haven;t exactly been a perfect wife.. I've never been a mean person or argumentative and never will be but this is so depressing, stories like this make me never want to take a chance and get married because maybe the girl I love will just divorce me one day? Sorry for the nonsensical rant..
Wow, I'm sorry I do not know your situation but what you are doing seems just plain cruel to me...If he is being nice to you why are you leaving him? This makes me lose faith so much in getting married, one day I am being nice to my wife who I think everything is ok with and she divorces me? he obviously cares about you enough that he has been trying hard to be good and save your marriage yet you are throwing it all away based on a feeling..
Sorry but it sounds like you haven;t exactly been a perfect wife.. I've never been a mean person or argumentative and never will be but this is so depressing, stories like this make me never want to take a chance and get married because maybe the girl I love will just divorce me one day? Sorry for the nonsensical rant..
I know you are young and inexperienced - so just accept that you can't understand what this woman has been through for 20 years.
There is absolutely NO REASON for you to think that your future wife would leave you just because you are nice to her
Our OP's husband is only recently being nice to her because he realizes that she is going to actually leave after all these years of abuse. His behavior is not indicative of real change at all.
Wow, I'm sorry I do not know your situation but what you are doing seems just plain cruel to me...If he is being nice to you why are you leaving him? This makes me lose faith so much in getting married, one day I am being nice to my wife who I think everything is ok with and she divorces me? he obviously cares about you enough that he has been trying hard to be good and save your marriage yet you are throwing it all away based on a feeling..
Sorry but it sounds like you haven;t exactly been a perfect wife.. I've never been a mean person or argumentative and never will be but this is so depressing, stories like this make me never want to take a chance and get married because maybe the girl I love will just divorce me one day? Sorry for the nonsensical rant..
Did you not actually read the post? He's been nasty and abusive for 20 years, and now that she's had enough and is finally leaving him, he's being NICE. If he thinks everything's OK, then there really is something seriously wrong with him. He seems to missing a huge point here, and so do you: It's too late. If you want to get married but are going to be mean and abusive to someone, remember that some day they might be sick of being dumped on and decide to leave. Last-ditch "niceness" means diddly squat.
Someone who is abusive for 20 years to the person they married does NOT "obviously care" about anybody else.
I know you are young and inexperienced - so just accept that you can't understand what this woman has been through for 20 years.
There is absolutely NO REASON for you to think that your future wife would leave you just because you are nice to her
Our OP's husband is only recently being nice to her because he realizes that she is going to actually leave after all these years of abuse. His behavior is not indicative of real change at all.
So what happens if you get in a fight with your wife and say 'screw u' or 'f*** u' then you have to fear she will leave you? I thought fights are normal and it doesn't sound like he was ever physically abusive?...It just scares me that people give up so easy or fall out of love with the snap of a finger.
Basically what I'm saying is this guy fears losing his wife and has been on extra good behavior because he loves her so much that he couldn't bear losing her...Doesn't he deserve a chance? Maybe he has mental health issues which caused him to be mean or maybe he just took her for granted and didn't realize how much he was hurting her...
If I had a wife and she was mean to me and I finally got fed up, told her I couldn't take it anymore....and then she changed, I would be so happy! I would tell her how much I appreciate her for making such an effort for me and that she's the best and I love her.
Can't this lady just do the same? She should tell her husband how much it means to her that he's been being so nice...Kiss him, go out for dinner, have sexy time..etc and it would strengthen their marriage a lot, but she seems vindictive and wants to punish him by surprising him with a divorce.
I'm really easy going so I hope I can meet a girl who is the same and we can live happy together forever and if we ever fight i won;t have to be scared of her leaving me
Basically what I'm saying is this guy fears losing his wife and has been on extra good behavior because he loves her so much that he couldn't bear losing her...Doesn't he deserve a chance?
He's had 20yrs to NOT be a turd, and he CHOSE to verbally and physically ASSAULT her. HE is the one that caused this, NOT her.
Basically what I'm saying is this guy fears losing his wife and has been on extra good behavior because he loves her so much that he couldn't bear losing her...Doesn't he deserve a chance?
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
He's had 20yrs to NOT be a turd, and he CHOSE to verbally and physically ASSAULT her. HE is the one that caused this, NOT her.
Yeah, well maybe her threatening to leave him was a wake up call..Now he changed, obviously he loves her and you think the marriage should be thrown away?? What happened to fighting for your marriage, the shame of getting divorced...They could have a great 20, 30,40, or 50 yrs to look forward to together, people can and do change, don't they?...
Mind if I ask how long u have been married and if u have ever been through tough times and fought through it? Or will u just abandon your husband when he least expects it like this lady...Please don't be rude and say 'none of your business'..just don't answer if u don;t want to talk to me, there's some really rude people here on CD who have said crap like that to me.
I would never be mean to my wife,especially not for 20 years but it seems like this guy has changed! Also let's not forget he is not here to defend himself, little does he know his life is about to be destroyed as well as their young daughters' even though he is being kind and a good husband
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
This is so important it needs to be restated
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he obviously cares about you enough that he has been trying hard to be good and save your marriage yet you are throwing it all away based on a feeling..
