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Someone DM'ed me a suggestion to see a professional photographer for photos. I thought about this for a while, but now maybe I might have to try it. I'm not that photogenic, and most people tell me I look a lot better in person. So I guess the solution is to have professional pictures taken, and combine that with trying to meet people in person more. I have to overcome a slight lack of confidence and probably lose a few lbs. I've tried approaching women at the gym and at grocery stores, and they'll typically chat for a bit, but usually seem very focused and closed off. I'm not Mr. Excitement with tattoos or body piercings that could be a conversation point. I see a lot of those guys in the gym talking to a lot of pretty girls. I'm not changing those aspects of myself, but I agree that confidence is a big issue with women, and its not easy for a man to have naturally.
I'm not overly experienced with online dating, but your OP question seemed to be "how can I prompt a response?"
1. You seem to be able to write an intelligent thought, and that is the first step, and already sets you apart from many on the site (the competition).
2. Be sure to acknowledge some things in their profile to show you are interested: "Ahh, I see you are into underwater basketweaving? Me too! That caught my interest because it is so rare. And WOW, you also worked in a Hatian Brothel? Coincidence, because I visit them all the time! (OK, kidding here, but the point is valid. Make sure that you show interest in them, and establish that there is a reason for your message.
3. ALWAYS ask for a response. You can do this quite smoothly by asking a question. "So, you've only lived here six weeks? Where did you come from, and what in the world ever enticed you to move to Port Au Prince? (again with the Haitian humor...)
and in general, read profiles carefully, and try to think about if the person is really someone you can relate to. if not, then don't waste your time (or theirs). If you consider yourself a 6/10, then only respond to 5.5-7's, with some common interest. Someone you'd want to spend time with, but not so much that they intimidate the crap out of you.
Also, I think that if you are open and up front, it's perfectly OK to go on a few "practice dates" with some 4's and 5's. After establishing some contact and dialogue, then "hey, I'm not really ready to pursue anything serious. You seem like a really nice person. Would you be interested to meet for a drink, just to chat. No Strings Attached, we each pay for our own. I'm just going out for a drink tonight, and you seem like you'd be good company..."
(Paraphrased all, you gotta write them all to meet your own personality.)
Hope these tips help. Be yourself, don't try too hard, and just go at it from the perspective of meeting new friends. Do that, and you'll likely find more success. I think.....
EDIT> Just saw your last post. DO NOT get the professional photos, IMO. What, so you look all great, and then you show up and the person they were attracted to is not who shows up. Game over! instead, how about one or two very good pictures of you (accurate ones) along with a few showing who you are and what you like to do. Pictures of you with your friends. Doesn't matter if you like taking cruises, playing hockey, shuffleboard, or (gasp) D&D, it IS who YOU are, and will therefore attract the attention of the kind of person that you will ultimately connect with. Don't BS, it will get you nowhere. (Sorry to be blunt, operating on low amounts of sleep today.)
^^All of this coming from someone that had ZERO confidence a few months ago, and has slowly built up to average-at-best confidence by just getting out there and realizing there are some good people left in the world. :-)
I've always been told that this is what it is: there are far more men than women. Women have told me flat out that if they are going to "shop" for men online, they want exactly what they want. So, basically, yes they can be more picky. I am fine with that- its supply and demand and I get that there is a large men supply and women are in high demand. Yet, I still hear about men meeting great women on these sites.
I am a member of a gym; maybe I will also join some meetup groups.
I never thought it would be so hard to get what my parents have, a long, sometimes tumultuous, but always in love type of marriage. It just seems like such an impossibility right now.
People are not hard-wired towards tradition anymore. Values have dropped. Having a good marriage and NOT throwing in the towel when things get hard is not how people live anymore. For those of us who desire an actual strong relationship, it IS harder. You have to put another first. But your main issue is with meeting women, in general.
I did a poll once, asked 100 couples where/how they met. It was interesting. Only a small handful met online...
You can meet women anywhere, they are roughly half of our planets population. If you want to put up your pic on a site like hot or not, to see how you rate - go for it. If you honestly want my opinion, it shouldnt really matter that much. Go where women are, be your BEST self and let them seduce you. Dont be overly nice either, and dont put it on the pedestal...because that will land you lonely and angry. Women will put up with an abusive ahole before she ever gives an overly nice guy a shot. trust me.
I think Strawberry was referring to online dating, where there are more men than women. And even if there aren't, many women who sign up for online dating are deluged by dozens of responses in the first few hours. Which means they can afford to be picky.
Someone DM'ed me a suggestion to see a professional photographer for photos. I thought about this for a while, but now maybe I might have to try it. I'm not that photogenic, and most people tell me I look a lot better in person. So I guess the solution is to have professional pictures taken, and combine that with trying to meet people in person more. I have to overcome a slight lack of confidence and probably lose a few lbs. I've tried approaching women at the gym and at grocery stores, and they'll typically chat for a bit, but usually seem very focused and closed off. I'm not Mr. Excitement with tattoos or body piercings that could be a conversation point. I see a lot of those guys in the gym talking to a lot of pretty girls. I'm not changing those aspects of myself, but I agree that confidence is a big issue with women, and its not easy for a man to have naturally.
Hmm...I always found professional pics in profiles to be a bit cheesy, but that's just my opinion. Also, professional portraits can be altered so if I were meeting you in person and found that you weren't like your pic, I may get turned off. I myself dislike being photographed. I just don't seem to come out looking good in them and I consider myself somewhat decent looking lol
Finished? Good. Now, go to your local club or bar or restaurant or movie theater or laundromat or library or ... you get the picture ...
... and just be yourself. And stop worrying about physical appearances - I look like a hunchbacked troll that got hit by a falling ogre and have learned that it's personality, not looks, that really counts.
Most of them are freaks, I agree. I don't want the women, I just want to understand what keeps these women coming back to these a-holes, when there are decent guys out there that would never treat women like that.
If you could figure this out, you could write a book and make a millions of bucks. Then you would have plenty of women interested in you, no matter what you look like.
I occasionally watch daytime talk shows. And in these shows, I see beautiful women (sometimes) with absolutely horrific guys that treat them terribly and do nothing to protect them. Guys who cheat with $2 prostitutes on their wives, and their wives are beautiful! Expose them to diseases, beat them, ignore their kids, and basically act like children who can't control their impulses. And the women beg for them back!
I am single, I think I am an intelligent guy that is decently good looking. I'm not very tall and I'm stocky/muscular, but most girls that I'm friends with tell me that I'm a good catch. (Of course, they could just be being nice ). I have a good job, a full head of hair, and no drugs/alcohol abuse. I would never dream of treating a lady this way. I'm not saying that I'm not strong willed or will never disagree with her. But disagreement or sticking to your beliefs is different than outwardly treating her like a ragdoll. Meeting women just seems so difficult. I've had 3 dates in the last year off a major dating service, and none worked out.
Is their some site where I can post my pics (anonymously) to see what women think of me, physically? I say physically because I can't even get a girl to write back on these online dating services. Also, if a woman doesn't respond back after you write to her once, is it okay to write to her again? Not continuously of course, but one more effort is okay? I see women that I match up with 100% in what their looking for (height, education, interests, etc) but I don't hear back from them.
I assume I have to work on my photos, as that seems to be the initial hurdle to overcome. I'm quite confident that once I can get on the phone with her, I can get to the next step (I have a good speaking voice, but I cannot usually get to this point! its beyond frustrating!) Any ideas would be helpful. Thanks
For one, I'm going to agree with everyone else, TV is NOT reality so don't base your decisions off of daytime shows, (even some of those shows are scripted),. Meeting a girl is easy, meeting one that you want to date and that she wants to do the same is the hard part. I'm like you, short, muscular, financially independent, would never dream of treating a woman this way and it's frustrating. It seems like the popular thing to do nowadays is to put your hat on backwards, be a low-life and treat your girl like sh*t, why? I have no clue. I think so many people, (male and female), have such a huge bloated sense of self-entitlement that it really complicates dating and relationships. Like the bar has to be continually raised, what you have is never good enough;"well this girl is cute but she is carrying an extra 10lbs," or " he's really nice and has a good job but he's only 5'4," see what I mean. So many people want, want, want, but what do they have to give in return? A relationship isn't about just one person's needs it's about both people's needs, somehow that's gotten lost. We are becoming a more selfish society. Also, we are becoming more diverse as a society, which will also make dating more difficult. As far as the online dating, I've gotten two serious relationships out of it. I work construction, which is almost all male and I'm into the bar scene so for me it can be helpful. Just like in real life though, not every girl you're attracted to online will be attracted to you. Just like real life, there's rejection online too. I would NOT message a girl more than once. You messaged her once now the ball is in her court, if she doesn't respond chalk it up as a loss
I'm not overly experienced with online dating, but your OP question seemed to be "how can I prompt a response?"
1. You seem to be able to write an intelligent thought, and that is the first step, and already sets you apart from many on the site (the competition).
2. Be sure to acknowledge some things in their profile to show you are interested: "Ahh, I see you are into underwater basketweaving? Me too! That caught my interest because it is so rare. And WOW, you also worked in a Hatian Brothel? Coincidence, because I visit them all the time! (OK, kidding here, but the point is valid. Make sure that you show interest in them, and establish that there is a reason for your message.
3. ALWAYS ask for a response. You can do this quite smoothly by asking a question. "So, you've only lived here six weeks? Where did you come from, and what in the world ever enticed you to move to Port Au Prince? (again with the Haitian humor...)
and in general, read profiles carefully, and try to think about if the person is really someone you can relate to. if not, then don't waste your time (or theirs). If you consider yourself a 6/10, then only respond to 5.5-7's, with some common interest. Someone you'd want to spend time with, but not so much that they intimidate the crap out of you.
Also, I think that if you are open and up front, it's perfectly OK to go on a few "practice dates" with some 4's and 5's. After establishing some contact and dialogue, then "hey, I'm not really ready to pursue anything serious. You seem like a really nice person. Would you be interested to meet for a drink, just to chat. No Strings Attached, we each pay for our own. I'm just going out for a drink tonight, and you seem like you'd be good company..."
(Paraphrased all, you gotta write them all to meet your own personality.)
Hope these tips help. Be yourself, don't try too hard, and just go at it from the perspective of meeting new friends. Do that, and you'll likely find more success. I think.....
EDIT> Just saw your last post. DO NOT get the professional photos, IMO. What, so you look all great, and then you show up and the person they were attracted to is not who shows up. Game over! instead, how about one or two very good pictures of you (accurate ones) along with a few showing who you are and what you like to do. Pictures of you with your friends. Doesn't matter if you like taking cruises, playing hockey, shuffleboard, or (gasp) D&D, it IS who YOU are, and will therefore attract the attention of the kind of person that you will ultimately connect with. Don't BS, it will get you nowhere. (Sorry to be blunt, operating on low amounts of sleep today.)
^^All of this coming from someone that had ZERO confidence a few months ago, and has slowly built up to average-at-best confidence by just getting out there and realizing there are some good people left in the world. :-)
Sorry, by professional photos, I should have clarified: I meant photos taken by someone with an excellent camera and photography skills. Not glamour shots or anything I don't want anything "touched up" or fake, but I do recognize that I'm not a photographer and really have no way of getting pictures taken. Other than the cheesy camera in a mirror method. Plus I have no one to give me advice (especially from a woman's perspective) on what pics look good. In the past, pics that I thought looked good, women have told me they didn't like. And vice versa.
Like I said, I don't consider myself photogenic, so any help by a professional might be worth a shot. So I definitly will take into consideration that I don't want to portray myself as looking better than in person. My whole issue is the initial meeting- I can't seem to get to that point. I am confident that once I get there, I can carry it the rest of the way. Its just that initial hurdle.
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). I have a good job, a full head of hair, and no drugs/alcohol abuse. I would never dream of treating a lady this way. I'm not saying that I'm not strong willed or will never disagree with her. But disagreement or sticking to your beliefs is different than outwardly treating her like a ragdoll. Meeting women just seems so difficult. I've had 3 dates in the last year off a major dating service, and none worked out.
I don't want anything "touched up" or fake, but I do recognize that I'm not a photographer and really have no way of getting pictures taken. Other than the cheesy camera in a mirror method. Plus I have no one to give me advice (especially from a woman's perspective) on what pics look good. In the past, pics that I thought looked good, women have told me they didn't like. And vice versa. 
