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Old 03-28-2012, 02:18 PM
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,952,405 times
Reputation: 2111


Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
This is just me - but I would have the exclusivity talk before sex. There have been guys that I knew I wasn't going to be exclusive with - so I slept with them with out any conversation about our relationship but the guys that I knew I wanted a relationship with - we always talked about "us" before we did the deed. But like I said - that's just me.
Right! It's harder after sex has occurred to be let down. Or to be the one to disappoint.

Old 03-28-2012, 02:19 PM
26,532 posts, read 33,697,037 times
Reputation: 38119
Originally Posted by bellakin123 View Post
I didn't ask my husband when we were dating nor did he ask me. We just kind of knew. It's that vibe you get..hard to explain into words...you know when you're with "the one". If one person is giving the wrong signals then that person is just being a flake and two-timing his or her SO's. To each their own. Some people want the talk up front. Some need the talk. Some live happily 18 years later even though the topic never came up.
Yep. If you have to ask, it isn't the case. When I dated MrsCPG, I never once asked if she was dating someone else.

However, a few days before my first date with her, I had asked out another girl who lived over in the next building. She couldn't go out for several weeks because of some graduate school hurdle she was trying to clear. Fast forward a month after about four dates with MrsCPG, and this other girl called me. I had to tell her, "Look, this hadn't happened when I asked you out, but I've met someone since then. And I feel I need to only date her. It's that important." She was totally understanding about it, invited me to call if things didn't work out, and actually came up and said hello to the both of us when encountering me and my future wife on dates.

So I guess my point in all that is that you have to decide you are going to be exclusive to the other person. You can't make the other person be exclusive to you. That's her decision to make on her own.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:20 PM
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
5,714 posts, read 5,175,877 times
Reputation: 10449
I don't see what his being American has to do with anything!

I think the world of online dating changes things a bit. If I met someone out in public or through a friend and we had 5 dates I may be more likely to assume they weren't dating anyone else (which may or may not be a correct assumption). With online dating it's different. It's so much easier to meet a wide variety of people. I'd just see how things went. If things go well and you feel really connected and comfortable, then you can ask. Do what you feels right. No one understands the dynamic of a realtionship except for the two people actually in the relationship.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:22 PM
103 posts, read 165,345 times
Reputation: 64
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
I'd be more comfortable "asking", because I like to know where I stand on things.

Not just in relationships, but all areas of my life.
Exactly. Thank you. What makes my situation particularly tricky is the online dating aspect. I don't want to have sex with someone that's still snooping for other guys and potentially in bed with other guys.

I'm going to bring this up to her both as a responsibility to my health and monogamous lifestyle, and because I especially like her. If she at all feels the same, this should not be a problem at all.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:24 PM
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,952,405 times
Reputation: 2111
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
THIS^^^. Absolutely agree. If I "went there" without having "the talk" first, I wouldn't be even considering anything exclusive, at least not with him!

I wish more people thought this way, but sex seems to be so important so early on.

Must be an age thing. I have been in a stable relationship for almost 3 months now, and sex was never an automatic expectation.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:34 PM
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,952,405 times
Reputation: 2111
Originally Posted by 30 Sec Flat View Post
Stupid Americans. Everything is so codified and sterile with them.
what??? Nice way to start out on here.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:35 PM
Location: New Jersey
8,739 posts, read 6,660,866 times
Reputation: 7385
Originally Posted by Johnny Ace View Post
I've been on four dates with a woman, the most recent being at my place where I cooked her dinner and we made out. She stayed far longer than planned, nestled in my arms, and it was wonderful. She's now having me come to her place tomorrow (my suggestion, actually) and I could see sex being somewhat likely. I met her online and I honestly don't care to be using the dating site now that I met her, but she still appears to be on it sometimes (she once acknowledged this as simply being out of boredom, as she lives alone).

If things go well and we do have sex, I want to feel secure that we'll be in an exclusive relationship. Based on her chemistry answers and personality, I can't see her sleeping around with multiple guys, but I also can't help but be a little concerned about the issue, mainly out of my own insecurity. We click really well and I think she's pretty special. Is it too much to ask her about exclusivity at this stage, if things go really well tomorrow?

4 or 5 dates? geez moving so fast.....
Old 03-28-2012, 02:37 PM
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,952,405 times
Reputation: 2111
Originally Posted by MissLucky View Post
John, the guy I'm dating asked to be exclusive on our 2nd date two weeks ago and we haven't even had sex yet. If your is girl as interested as you think she is, she will be quite happy you asked. No one likes sharing the person they are interested in.

Good for him, and good for you both for waiting on the deed and not acting like rutting animals in heat.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:41 PM
10,523 posts, read 9,585,944 times
Reputation: 11069
Johnny Ace...I dodn't see anything wrong with telling your new gal that you're looking for an exclusive relationship...chances are so is she, and she'd be flattered....I don't think it's too soon at all...you know what you want...lets hope she feels the same.
Old 03-28-2012, 02:51 PM
4,462 posts, read 5,300,163 times
Reputation: 2659
Do what feels right. You know what to do better in your situation than any of us since we're not in it.
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